Wish I didn't have to want sex...

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Wish I didn't have to want sex...

Post by SillyMistakes »

I know this is probably more of a general whinge but I really want to know if other people feel the same or if this just isn't healthy..
But I really, truly wish that I had no sex drive, or just didn't want sex at all.. firstly, I feel like when I'm going without masturbation I'm more productive at work and at home, I spend more time studying what I like to study in my spare time, more time expanding my intellectual horizons, and looking after myself physically, then I get ridiculously horny and waste an entire weekend on masturbation and realize what a waste of space I've been...

Second, sex itself just isn't that good... Don't get me wrong ive had amazing sex, sex I've lost my self control and just surrendered into and everything has been good, but that's rare. Normal day to day sex isn't like that, there's annoying noises and condoms smell funny or ejaculate makes a mess and I realize how loudly I'm breathing and focus on trying to stop that instead or the other guy wants to do it in THIS position which makes it awkward but when I try another he drags me back and do I really have to try that hard and why's he clenching so hard and I just can't be bothered I'd rather get another drink. I mean that's your average sexploit and I just don't understand why you should have to want it so badly so much of the time KNOWING it's not going to be that impressive.

Thirdly, I think it's unfair and strange that my mind on this can be so different dependent on my mood, a fortnight of taking myself seriously and writing and reading and working and studying with nothing further from the mind than my sex drive, nothing I'd disdain more than losing my inhibitions in such a base way. Then a weekend of horniness and I'm a lecherous creep trying to stop myself from begging strangers to come home with me. Why should it be that some people think of me as an ultimately sexual being because they only see the side of me that has no control? Why should it be that I cannot be entirely one, or the other, rather than deal with the shame of knowing I am both, I mean it just seems unfair...

Believe it or not, I was sober typing this, I just genuinely don't even know how to explain how I feel about this, I'm hoping someone will recognise something of it at least...
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Re: Wish I didn't have to want sex...

Post by reckoner »

Hi there,

With regard to your first point, having a sex drive is a good thing - you'll find enough people on here that are concerned about not having one. Like an apetite for food, libido is a sign of health. Wshing you didn't have a sex drive is like wishing you had a sign of poor health. I understand from a previous post of yours that you're in your twenties, and I'd say indulging in a lot of masturbation is absolutely normal in your twenties. And two weeks studying and a weekend of self-indulgence doesn't sound too bad to me.

Regarding your second point: like an apetite for food, your sex drive is as healthy as the way you satisfy it. Masturbation is a relatively safe way to satisfy it, and I don't think you can expect to have good sex with anyone any more than you can expect to have a good relationship to whatever extent with just anyone. Being comfortable with someone sexually requires care and judgment in whom you pick; the more people you choose to have sex with, the more you're exposing your self to bad sex, not to mention other bad things.

And your third point: I didn't fully understand this paragraph but, if I've read it right, actually I think it's good that there are different facets to your personality and to feel yourself to be both an intellectual and sexual being, again, as long as you manage that facet carefully and responsibly.

So I think if you take care in choosing who you have sex with, you'll improve the amount of good sex you have and not have to feel ashamed of your sexual apetite.
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