I know I have bee on asking for advice before and you might think I am not taking it but I realty don't feel I have anywhere else to turn to for advice or to talk.

For those of you who have already read my recent posts and gave me advice I do apologise in advance. I really do listen.
Things for me had got a lot better recently. We all had a weekend away together etc and had a great time but it wasn't long until the arguing started again and it all seems to stem from me "spending un equal time with my partner to my friends & family"
Everytime I go see family or friends it does end up in an argument (apparently not because he doesn't want me to do it though) but because we don't do things together. I did start to see this but we do live together so do see each other every day. But yeah I thought hard about it and thought it might be hurting him that I "go out" or have lunches with others and not him. Maybe he feels left out because those are "making memories" as he would say. I have to say I don't do this a lot (he would say yes) but I don't see anyone anymore. If I want to I end up feeling guilty for wanting to.
So I then say do you want to take a few days off and we can do things together just me and you which I get the reply "what I need to book you in now if I want to spend time with you" wtf!!!! No you don't but we have his boys every weekend and his ex doesn't like swapping so I thought this would be the easiest option but of course started an argument. I the obviously just agree to keep the peace. He the says he doesn't know about holidays etc. I look online at groupon, wowcher etc for things to do but get moaned at because it costs money (cant win) I was really trying to create our own memories. (oh even though he sends me links to over night stays etc )
I thought spending time with the boys as a family was spending time together too btw but apparently not. I know we need our own time but maybe this is too much???
I had a concert the other week with mum (which he was invited to because he moaned about it before) but he declined. We were meeting some of my dads friends before hand (dad has passed away) and we were really close to them. I had forgotten about that but of course I am a liar and I just didn't tell him!!!! So that caused issues. I had said to him "I will be home a soon as I can on the Sunday because I wont be drinking a lot" I woke up at 9, went down to get breakfast and watched a film with mum so I was leaving at 11 (leaving the rest of the day to spend together) This caused major issues, I should have been up, breakfast, cup of tea and home ???? I have just been brought up not to just leave if you are in someone else's house and yeah that counts for mum too. But because I said one thing and did another ????? This caused arguments all of Sunday ,12pm until 10pm basically. Yet again I just agreed to keep the peace and basically I had no energy left to argue.
Also as the concert I did facetime my dads friend because he asked to see but this ended up in a major argument because I didn't face time my partner but he moaned the last time I had a concert that I was rubbing his face in it so I really didn't want to stir anything up. I went live on fb but he moaned at me because I didn't tell him when I was going to do it. I'm at a concert, you just do it when a good song comes on. He then yesterday decides to ask me if there is anything in it because I face timed. All I done was show the phone to the stage and hang up. I thought it was only 15 secs but he checked my phone and it was 40 so I am a big fat liar again!!!! It really didn't feel that long.
Things were ok until today again ...... I am off next week because I have to use up my holidays but he still hasn't told me if he is off or not. I also think because I never see my friends that I could use this opportunity to meet up since my partner is working (not hurting anyone or choosing anyone over anyone) right ??? WRONG!!!! I txt today asking if he is off so I could make plans with him and with them if possible but I just got rubbish for "organising" things with them first over him but I haven't even asked them yet!!!! I just want to maybe go to their house for lunch or something where as I was looking to actually do things with my partner but not good enough. I am not putting him first etc. He even then txt saying he cant see why he cant go with me. He hasn't me them yet but it because I never see them so for a catch up after a long time I would rather go myself and keep the couple things for my partner and me. Is this wrong???? And I don't get to talk to them properly because he has checked my phone in the past and done it again last week!!!! Said I was acting shady but he has just got me so paranoid about it I hate him even trying to look now. He says I hold grudges. He now has txt me saying I don't want him to meet them but that's totally wrong. We have been asked before and he says no because of money issues.
Also my mum really wants to take me on holiday for my 30th but I am actually too frightened to tell him

Sorry again . I just need to vent somehow.
Ps I have actually grabbed my stuff and went to walk a few times but I just crumble
