I miss him, my bipolar, he left

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I miss him, my bipolar, he left

Postby PositiveVibes » Thu Jul 27, 2017 9:16 pm

Hi all,
I am new here and am hoping i can find people who have/are in similar situations.

I have been with my husband for 12 years (married for almost 5 years). We've always been a strong couple, obviously we argued sometimes but overall, very strong and full of love.

At the end of June he suddenly said he didn't want to be with me anymore, he said he didn't want to work on the relationship...he went to stay at his mum's house for a few days and we spoke and he said he wants the relationship to work and that he wanted to stay with me. This was great, i felt like we were moving forward a little bit at a time, we kissed, held hands and had sex. How wrong was i in terms of moving forward...he suddenly went missing for 5 hours a couple of days later (he was meant to meet me on the train and we spoke 10 minutes before he was meant to meet me). VERY unusual behaviour for him. Really not like him at all. He came back after his family were trying to contact him also. The next day we had a arguement, his mum got involved as he told her, and she was being passive aggressive to me through message. He spoke to her about my bipolar (she already knew), but i didn't want him to go into detail about it as it's my personal thing. Anyway, i made him a bath with candles and crystals that evening and when he came back from work he said he couldn't do it...and then left. He said he didn't want to work on it and that he was fooling himself. He said he wasn't happy, he doesn't love me, doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want to talk to me.

I asked him about all the love letters and all the things he said to me, and he said he was fooling himself, he didn't realise he was faking it all and putting a mask on. Literally 2 months ago we were talking about having kids and seeking a financial advisor.

His behaviour is VERY odd and unlike him. He is very mean to me now, he goes out most evenings and drinks with friends, he spends his money eating junk food everyday. I know around a month ago he said he was very anxious about starting his new job next week. So from my point of view i was wondering if it was stress, i know stress can warp peoples perception and my husband has never shown stress before so i think he has had an explosion of emotion. I always told him he needs to express himself more but he never did. I know he had enough of my bipolar as he has had to put up with alot of stuff and i think i was very selfish and blinded by my illness that i never noticed how hurt he was as he hid it so well. But now he said it is too late. Since he left me two weeks ago i have been working on myself so much. It hasn't changed anything and he wants to collect the last of his items and break contact.

I'm so devastated. Beyond broken...but inside i have such a strong feeling that this wasn't meant to be. I have read about people separating and eventually becoming friends and building their relationship from there. Has anyone had any success here? please no negative stories as i am too fragile and i just want positive vibes (hence the user name). He said to me as long as i still love him, he can't be friends with me :(

I'm sure it's some sort of breakdown, i just can't understand his behaviour. He even wouldn't talk to his old best friend (who went through something similar but is now back with his wife and they are happy with a baby). I'm a therapist and my husband won't listen to even professional advice from me.

We had marriage counselling booked (from when he wanted to work on it) and now i have had to go on my own :(

Thank you for reading xx :(
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Re: I miss him, my bipolar, he left

Postby Tarantula » Fri Jul 28, 2017 7:47 am

Hi, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles - you must be feeling very sad and abandoned, which is basically my worst nightmare, so I feel for you, and am gonna throw out some ideas that struck me whilst I was reading your post.

Firstly, I would expect there to be some wobbles when ending such a long relationship, so don't take the fact that he flip flopped about it to mean that he actually does want to be with you and is just going through a phase. I think it's quite clear now that, somewhere along the line, he stopped feeling as close as you thought you were.

To me, it sounds as if you would like to reconcile, so here's what I think you should do, however counterintuitive it may sound.

-Accept the breakup. Yes, accept it. Let him come, let him pick up his stuff, be civil and polite, don't get dragged into an argument no matter how you feel, don't make him feel guilty even if he deserves it and you would be right in what you're saying, don't resist... let that gut-wrenching 'last meeting' happen. Why? Because if you can demonstrate that you're able to accept his decision, instead of turning into a sad heap, that will automatically send out a signal that something has changed, which will make him wonder 'oh, she isn't trying to make me stay with her. What happened?' Remember, what you resist, persists.

-It's going to be extraordinarily difficult to do that, I know. If you do end up getting emotional and having a showdown, I completely understand. In that case, get whatever you need to out of your system. But the more important point is, after he leaves, break all contact. That means no texting, no emails, no phone calls, no social media interaction. For two weeks, you make sure you do not send any communication to him whatsoever, even if he contacts you. Even if there seems to be some logistical reason regarding him moving out. Even if he left some socks behind. Even if it's his birthday. Unless it's life or death, you disappear from his life 100%.

-During this two week period, do not post anything on social media whatsoever. No quotes, no new haircut pictures (too soon, will be obvious you're trying to prove something), no statuses about anything. Go radio silence online for two weeks.

-After two weeks, he may well have contacted you to 'check in' (in other words: hey, why aren't you behaving like I was expecting you to?). If so, respond politely, but keep it short and light. Again, no drama allowed no matter how strong the urge may be. BUT at this stage, two weeks after you last saw him, send a short closure/farewell message. Something like:

'John, I just wanted to say goodbye formally. Maybe for my own closure or maybe because I felt you deserved a better send off than how we left it. I will miss [insert fond memory of shared activity here]. Goodbye John.'

The purpose of this message is to do a few things: firstly, it'll signal to him that time's up and you're not an option for him anymore. It also makes it sound like you're the one letting go, which should make him re evaluate his decision (though he might not say so yet), combined with the personal (but not too emotional) shared memory to stir up some emotion. Something you know he enjoyed with you when times were good, for example, I dunno, dog walking or cooking his favourite meal together or going to jazz concert. The message is also necessarily short. When he sees your name on his phone, he's gonna expect War and Peace. Don't give it to him. When he sees how you've send something kind but to-the-point, non-blamey, light but firm, he will again be hit with signals that things have CHANGED. And change is the thing that will make him feel nervous as the tables turn and you'll become the one making tracks. That nervousness leads to rethinking. Finally, 'goodbye' is a powerful word that triggers feelings of finality in us. The message basically says 'I'm closing the door on this now.' It draws a line under whatever drama has happened before, a clean slate - not too long, and not too soon after the final meeting in person.

If he replies, let it sit there and don't open a dialogue. His reply would probably be an attempt to seek familiar behaviour from you. If you reinforce what he expects by having another big emotional chat, it'll undo all your progress so far.

-The next part is the hardest part. You need to go absolute no contact for three months. Even if he contacts you. Just like before the letter, you must allow yourself time and space to create distance and inspire change. Again, change is what's gonna bring him back wondering 'what happened? Something's different...'

In part, this situation came about because things got too routine and familiar and the attraction suffered as a result. He came to know exactly what to expect from you, which means you need to show something new. Which means NOT giving in to the same urges. Which means demonstrating, by actions and not by words, that you're a work in progress rather than whichever static box he's put you into - that you're constantly growing and developing yourself - that is the antidote to boredom in a relationship and I believe most breakups come about largely because of boredom/being so used to the person, on top of whatever circumstantial reason may have triggered the split. This person whose known you so well over the years - create some mystery by disappearing again and let him wonder what's up. This is the time to truly work on yourself, because you need longer than two weeks to truly shift the energy of this situation from one where you are the victim (even though you genuinely are - but victimhood is never attractive, whether it's genuine or not) to one where you are in control of yourself and able to accept the things you cannot change. During this three month period, it's time for you to do all the things you need to do to move forward. Perhaps also the things you've been putting off in your own life. Now's the time to grab life with both hands. Get an exercise routine, get outside every or most days, go to a support group, improve your diet, change your home, take a trip to Italy, set career goals, read books, write on PP to let us know how you're doing. Write to us/me instead of him, whenever you get tempted. It'll be a scary but exciting time and some days you won't want to get out of bed and it'll all feel hopeless, I know. But you have more control over this situation than you think. Really push for that change, get out your comfort zone and above all do NOT contact him. When you don't, he will automatically begin to wonder what you're doing. He won't be able to help it. And, importantly, about his friends: don't go looking for answers from them because he will hear it and then he'll know it's business as usual and will feel he made the right choice.

-Slowly begin re-posting on social media, if that's something you do. Keep your posts light, casual and positive. Post in a way that if anyone saw it they would think 'oh, she seems to be doing well.' But don't overdo it. Light and breezy!

After 90 days he would've contacted you to ask how you are or even asked to meet. I'm 99% confident about it. Then, it's up to you how you want to proceed.

The beauty of all of this is that by then, you'll probably be asking yourself if you still want someone who drinks with his friends and eats takeaway every day! I know that's a selective view of who he is, but you get my point: you might actually decide that you can do better, or that you're open to something new yourself. That's fantastic and still counts as a win because you may have 'lost' him, but you got yourself back. So I consider it win/win. But, again, I am 99% sure he will want to get back in touch if you manage to do these things. Because what he expects from you is to feel guilty and responsible for your feelings and if you show him something different, he will respond.

Phew I've written a lot. Maybe you felt some of what I said would be unnatural to you, uncomfortable even. That's exactly the point! If you stay comfortable and do what you always do... you know the saying. Nothing will change and you'll remain an upset lady who got left, as opposed to a renaissance lady picking herself up after a big setback and moving forward.

I wrote so much because I really empathise with your situation and hope you can heal quickly no matter what happens. It's a big and beautiful world out there and perhaps you'll come to see this whole event as a blessing in disguise, whatever happens.
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Re: I miss him, my bipolar, he left

Postby PositiveVibes » Fri Jul 28, 2017 2:07 pm

Thank you for your reply <3
My husband collected the last of his bits and he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. I mentioned it to him and he said that it doesn't feel right to wear it. I asked him if he didn't want it then i could take it and he said he'll keep it. He also kept this teddy bear i made him when we were teenagers. We were friendly with each other, i hugged him goodbye and i kissed his cheek. The hug he gave me felt like a 'friend hug'...if that made sense. I had to hold all my emotions in so i wouldn't break down in tears. I didn't want him to see me like that. He said to me 'you are coping with this better than i thought you'd be'. He also kept going on about how i'll meet someone more suited and how he would like to meet someone also in the future. Oh it was so painful.

Ah i've heard of something similar to the no contact rule. I think it was some guy on youtube that wrote a book on it. I'm going to try my hardest to follow it, even though everything i look at reminds me of him, literally everything we own we bought together. Just to clarify as i got a bit confused. If after 2 weeks he hasn't contacted me, should i still send him a closure message? And if he sends me a message during the 3 months, should i or shouldn't i reply?? I don't want to seem rude if i don't reply :s but don't want to seem needy if i message him after 2 weeks.

This is beyond painful :( i have to keep an eye on my bipolar. It's all over the place because of this stress :(




Tarantula wrote:Hi, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles - you must be feeling very sad and abandoned, which is basically my worst nightmare, so I feel for you, and am gonna throw out some ideas that struck me whilst I was reading your post.

Firstly, I would expect there to be some wobbles when ending such a long relationship, so don't take the fact that he flip flopped about it to mean that he actually does want to be with you and is just going through a phase. I think it's quite clear now that, somewhere along the line, he stopped feeling as close as you thought you were.

To me, it sounds as if you would like to reconcile, so here's what I think you should do, however counterintuitive it may sound.

-Accept the breakup. Yes, accept it. Let him come, let him pick up his stuff, be civil and polite, don't get dragged into an argument no matter how you feel, don't make him feel guilty even if he deserves it and you would be right in what you're saying, don't resist... let that gut-wrenching 'last meeting' happen. Why? Because if you can demonstrate that you're able to accept his decision, instead of turning into a sad heap, that will automatically send out a signal that something has changed, which will make him wonder 'oh, she isn't trying to make me stay with her. What happened?' Remember, what you resist, persists.

-It's going to be extraordinarily difficult to do that, I know. If you do end up getting emotional and having a showdown, I completely understand. In that case, get whatever you need to out of your system. But the more important point is, after he leaves, break all contact. That means no texting, no emails, no phone calls, no social media interaction. For two weeks, you make sure you do not send any communication to him whatsoever, even if he contacts you. Even if there seems to be some logistical reason regarding him moving out. Even if he left some socks behind. Even if it's his birthday. Unless it's life or death, you disappear from his life 100%.

-During this two week period, do not post anything on social media whatsoever. No quotes, no new haircut pictures (too soon, will be obvious you're trying to prove something), no statuses about anything. Go radio silence online for two weeks.

-After two weeks, he may well have contacted you to 'check in' (in other words: hey, why aren't you behaving like I was expecting you to?). If so, respond politely, but keep it short and light. Again, no drama allowed no matter how strong the urge may be. BUT at this stage, two weeks after you last saw him, send a short closure/farewell message. Something like:

'John, I just wanted to say goodbye formally. Maybe for my own closure or maybe because I felt you deserved a better send off than how we left it. I will miss [insert fond memory of shared activity here]. Goodbye John.'

The purpose of this message is to do a few things: firstly, it'll signal to him that time's up and you're not an option for him anymore. It also makes it sound like you're the one letting go, which should make him re evaluate his decision (though he might not say so yet), combined with the personal (but not too emotional) shared memory to stir up some emotion. Something you know he enjoyed with you when times were good, for example, I dunno, dog walking or cooking his favourite meal together or going to jazz concert. The message is also necessarily short. When he sees your name on his phone, he's gonna expect War and Peace. Don't give it to him. When he sees how you've send something kind but to-the-point, non-blamey, light but firm, he will again be hit with signals that things have CHANGED. And change is the thing that will make him feel nervous as the tables turn and you'll become the one making tracks. That nervousness leads to rethinking. Finally, 'goodbye' is a powerful word that triggers feelings of finality in us. The message basically says 'I'm closing the door on this now.' It draws a line under whatever drama has happened before, a clean slate - not too long, and not too soon after the final meeting in person.

If he replies, let it sit there and don't open a dialogue. His reply would probably be an attempt to seek familiar behaviour from you. If you reinforce what he expects by having another big emotional chat, it'll undo all your progress so far.

-The next part is the hardest part. You need to go absolute no contact for three months. Even if he contacts you. Just like before the letter, you must allow yourself time and space to create distance and inspire change. Again, change is what's gonna bring him back wondering 'what happened? Something's different...'

In part, this situation came about because things got too routine and familiar and the attraction suffered as a result. He came to know exactly what to expect from you, which means you need to show something new. Which means NOT giving in to the same urges. Which means demonstrating, by actions and not by words, that you're a work in progress rather than whichever static box he's put you into - that you're constantly growing and developing yourself - that is the antidote to boredom in a relationship and I believe most breakups come about largely because of boredom/being so used to the person, on top of whatever circumstantial reason may have triggered the split. This person whose known you so well over the years - create some mystery by disappearing again and let him wonder what's up. This is the time to truly work on yourself, because you need longer than two weeks to truly shift the energy of this situation from one where you are the victim (even though you genuinely are - but victimhood is never attractive, whether it's genuine or not) to one where you are in control of yourself and able to accept the things you cannot change. During this three month period, it's time for you to do all the things you need to do to move forward. Perhaps also the things you've been putting off in your own life. Now's the time to grab life with both hands. Get an exercise routine, get outside every or most days, go to a support group, improve your diet, change your home, take a trip to Italy, set career goals, read books, write on PP to let us know how you're doing. Write to us/me instead of him, whenever you get tempted. It'll be a scary but exciting time and some days you won't want to get out of bed and it'll all feel hopeless, I know. But you have more control over this situation than you think. Really push for that change, get out your comfort zone and above all do NOT contact him. When you don't, he will automatically begin to wonder what you're doing. He won't be able to help it. And, importantly, about his friends: don't go looking for answers from them because he will hear it and then he'll know it's business as usual and will feel he made the right choice.

-Slowly begin re-posting on social media, if that's something you do. Keep your posts light, casual and positive. Post in a way that if anyone saw it they would think 'oh, she seems to be doing well.' But don't overdo it. Light and breezy!

After 90 days he would've contacted you to ask how you are or even asked to meet. I'm 99% confident about it. Then, it's up to you how you want to proceed.

The beauty of all of this is that by then, you'll probably be asking yourself if you still want someone who drinks with his friends and eats takeaway every day! I know that's a selective view of who he is, but you get my point: you might actually decide that you can do better, or that you're open to something new yourself. That's fantastic and still counts as a win because you may have 'lost' him, but you got yourself back. So I consider it win/win. But, again, I am 99% sure he will want to get back in touch if you manage to do these things. Because what he expects from you is to feel guilty and responsible for your feelings and if you show him something different, he will respond.

Phew I've written a lot. Maybe you felt some of what I said would be unnatural to you, uncomfortable even. That's exactly the point! If you stay comfortable and do what you always do... you know the saying. Nothing will change and you'll remain an upset lady who got left, as opposed to a renaissance lady picking herself up after a big setback and moving forward.

I wrote so much because I really empathise with your situation and hope you can heal quickly no matter what happens. It's a big and beautiful world out there and perhaps you'll come to see this whole event as a blessing in disguise, whatever happens.
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Re: I miss him, my bipolar, he left

Postby Tarantula » Sat Jul 29, 2017 9:27 pm

'You are coping with this better than I thought' - boom.

That right there. THAT'S the kind of feedback which is music to my ears because it confirms my theory that he has an expectation of how you will respond, and that expectation, if met, will reinforce his reasons for leaving. Show him something different and he'll start to wonder what's up.

I think you did extraordinarily well to not break down in front of him. Really, if you had, anyone would understand it. But again, all it would achieve it at best, him feeling awkward and at worst, him feeling relieved AND you feeling embarrassed when you look back on that moment. But no you kept your head held high which is honestly more than I could do.

Ok yes to clarify, the closure message is essential. It won't sound needy. It will sound the opposite. It will sound like you are drawing a line and you are moving on. That will make him feel less in control and so trigger a re-evaluation; upon reading that, and in the days/weeks afterwards, he will be remembering all that was good about your relationship and trying to reconcile those memories with your proven ability to pick yourself up and accept it and move on.

Feel free to PM me your closure message before you send it, if you like. I don't mind. The important points are, it must be short, it must be polite, it must make reference to a fond shared memory and it must end with goodbye John.

So, no contact from now until two weeks. Then closure message. Then no contact for the long haul - three months. It's gonna be tough. But it maximises your chances of him wanting to 'talk' and also maximises your chance of moving on effectively and in a way that you can be proud of. So it's win/win.

There are already signs that he's susceptible to thinking twice: he kept the ring and already noted your changed behaviour. He's had the tiniest dose of what's to come. You want to ramp up that effect now by sticking to your guns and not contacting him (except for the closure message), even though it may feel like chopping your own leg off in emotional terms.

IF he contacts you in the meantime with a heartfelt message of second thoughts, tell me and we discuss :D but whatever he may say, I will probably think that leaving it to sit there, with no response, for some time is the best course of action. Show him, by simply doing nothing, that you wont just snap back to the version of you that he's familiar with; after all, that the version he decided wasn't enough for him and so this period is all about change and BOUNDARIES, which the no contact 'rule' is all about.

I know you don't want to seem rude, but let's be frank: he left, knowing it would hurt you. You don't need to worry about being rude, you're not doing anything wrong by simply saying and doing nothing. Mud slinging would be another matter, but a response of NO response is open to interpretation. He should respect your need for space at this time, and probably he will...

... until the nagging urge to contact you to find out what's going on ('you are coping better than I thought' - translation - 'will the version of PositiveVibes I'm used to please stand up??'). The kind of messages you should ignore, if not all, are ones like

Hey
How are you doing? What's up?
I saw this movie the other day, have you seen it?
I heard from [mutual friend] the other day, they said they haven't seen you lately. Are you ok?
I saw a [pigeon, flower, hot air balloon, whatever] the other day and it reminded me of you. I miss you.
Can I have my socks back please?

Etc. Basically, 'testing the water messages' need to be ignored.

And even in the case of a heartfelt, putting-his-balls-on-the-line message of second thoughts and wanting to come back even, again, I would say, leave it some time, and let him sit it out before responding coolly.

The easiest way is to simply go no contact for two weeks, closure message, then no contact for three months. This may need to be adjusted slightly according to what he does, but you can cross that bridge if you come to it.

This is going to be tough. But you do get to decide one thing: who you want to be in RELATION to this event. And how you want to look back on it. Take excellent care of yourself, especially in light of your bipolar, put your needs first and remember that your wellbeing is the most important thing.
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Re: I miss him, my bipolar, he left

Postby snail » Tue Aug 01, 2017 3:44 pm

How are you doing now, Positive?
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: I miss him, my bipolar, he left

Postby PositiveVibes » Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:51 pm

I am feeling awful, i have been doing the no contact rule and i am struggling majorly, especially with my bipolar. It has triggered it off and i am so depressed that i am going to bed crying, waking up and crying and just crying on and off throughout the day. Despite distracting myself.

Tarantula- I am a bit scared of the 'closure message' backfiring, in terms of him thinking that i am actually moving on and that he is happy :(
This is super bad but i checked his bank account and he is constantly spending his money on alcohol everyday, pubs etc. And spending it on all his favourite junk food places. It's so bad! (can't remember if i said this before). Do you think that is breakdown symptoms? He never used to do this :(
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Re: I miss him, my bipolar, he left

Postby Tarantula » Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:35 pm

Oh, I feel for you. I think you're doing a great job, and no one can make this part easier. Pain was always going to be inevitable. Try to take comfort in the fact that you're holding it together WAY better than I, or I think most people, would. You're made of strong stuff.

He won't be happy that you're moving on. He'll be a little bit shocked, and that's good. That will get him thinking about whether or not he's made a mistake. That is my expectation.

If I'm wrong and he really IS happy that you're moving on, well, what was the alternative? You can't make him stay out of guilt. If he knew that you are in fact, crying a lot and not wanting to move on, do you think it would make him want to come back? No, it wouldn't. I think it would make him feel guilty, uncomfortable but also relieved that it is no longer his responsibility to look after you. And, on a more egotistic note, he will feel relieved that you're still thinking of him, that it's business as usual, and that he was 'right' to leave.

I can understand why you checked, don't beat yourself up. It does seem that he is spiralling, but nevertheless, if he decides he's made a mistake, he will tell you that himself. Don't second guess him to the point where you decide to offer a reconciliation. That is for him to do. If you do it, even if he caves because it's easier in the short term, then you will be setting yourself up for a repeat catastrophe in future because deep down he will know that you need him more than he needs you, because he left, and you chased. The decision has got to come from him.

If he never ever offers a reconciliation no matter how much no contact or listening-to-tarantula you do, then

1) I was wrong, I'll admit it
2) He will most likely be substituting his genuine pain with alcohol/junk food and
3) You will be in a much better decision to decide whether you even want him back anymore, especially in light of the above.

So again, I see it as win/win. I'm not backing out here though - I DO believe, with some confidence, that he will start to want you back when he realises (or believes) that you are moving on and his time is up. I believe that sometimes in life you have to 'fake it 'til you make it', and that by staying committed to no contact, you will genuinely elevate yourself to the position you want him to think you're at. You won't just be putting up a facade - you really WILL be gaining some clarity, and some stability within yourself. When his curiosity and missing you (because you haven't been in contact and that's thrown him) becomes too much, he will suddenly want to 'check in' or 'grab a coffee' or even offer a full reconciliation on the spot - though I'd advise you not to take it immediately. You can cross that bridge later.

All of this is a much better way of things than caving in to old ways, begging him to come back only to be rejected or to have him back short term and then be left again.

Stay strong! And do the things that put YOU first, that make YOU feel better in a wholesome way, and trust that you WILL get through this.

I understand the temptation, I really do. But again I think you're doing wonderfully and, although nothing I can say will take away the crying and the sense of loss, I whole heartedly believe that you are taking the faster track out of this mess, one way or another.
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