Married collegue

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Married collegue

Postby Goingcrazy20 » Sat May 02, 2015 4:05 pm

I need help, I think I am going crazy!

I've recently started a new job a few months ago, I met this wonderful man who is a coworker of mine, at first I didn't pay him much attention as I was settling into the new job... But over the last few months, I've noticed him more and more he's moved desks so he sits in the same room as me now, he's very sweet, a true gentleman... He holds doors open for me and let's me go first things like that, I've become attracted to him and this has been going on a few months I feel like he's sending mixed signals. I found out he was married so I wouldn't go there but I don't like all these mixed signals.

He looks me directly in the eye and locks eyes when we talk

On a few occasions he has made sexual inuendos or jokes involving me, spent a good half an hour telling me all about himself, his hobbies, likes/dislikes, childhood, growing up etc (to the point a colleague has had to come and find us we have been gone so long) he has put his arm round me, touched my hands/arm (although this is inconsistent) we've had a few moments were we have been standing so close were touching or standing close looking into each other's eyes it's not for a long period of time but it feels like an age, I told him I thought a guy who came in was attractive and he went on about it for weeks.

We flirt a lot but then I think he's just a bit of a flirt in general, he's told me pick up lines he uses, how he's very gentlemanly, he teases me almost every day, he asks for my help with mediocre things and calls me over, he also helps me out a lot with work, he's very protective of me, if there's a reason I'm upset he wants to know about it, even if he has to ask other colleagues, even goes to the extent to ask them about me outside of work, he asks me if I'm alright all of the time, he takes my side during work issues, he covers up for me if I do something wrong and still argues my side even though I'm wrong.

He looks at me when he enters a room, sometimes we make eye contact, sometimes I catch him looking then he looks away, sometimes he smiles at me other times just stares, we sometimes exchange little looks or smiles and other times he just won't look at all, then if I ask him something he will pull cute little faces at me, sometimes when talking to other colleagues he will bring my name into something as a joke and I never hear the full convo.

He makes jokes and looks over at me, sometimes he's looking at me even though he's having a conversation with other people, he has mentioned his wife around me but he has also mentioned her in negative ways too.

He made out to a colleague we had been together on a night that we hadn't, he's told same collegue he's going to take me out drinking, he didn't tell her this when I was around though and obviously it was just a passing comment.

But then he sometimes doesn't speak to me much, or make any kind of effort, he will tease other colleagues and ignore me, he won't look at me, or strike up any conversation, he will bring his wife up in conversations with me, he will flirt laugh joke with other colleagues, or sometimes he's just quiet and working and moody.

I found out last week that his wife didn't know about me he didn't tell her anything and then she got weird and questioned him, since that he's been weird with me.

Sometimes he winks at me, and makes me feel special but he doesn't ask many questions about me unless I mention something he's always listening and sometimes brings it up or asks me about something I said I was doing. Once I told him how I liked his hair and now he does it that way everyday, but then he will give me the cold shoulder and won't even make any effort to say goodbye if he leaves.

We exchanged texts before and although he replied very quick to any message I sent it was work related and didn't send any kisses on the end. He works closely with other people and not me, he shows them a lot more attention some days that he does me, but other days it's all me. He's made it clear he isn't attracted to the other colleagues to me though and they are much older than us.

He made a joke that I get around because I had a few guys flirt with me on the phone and one told him they liked me, sometimes he's harsh but jokingly, I'm so confused sorry this post is so long and messed up its just a lot on my head and I don't know weather he's just being a nice guy or he actually likes me, I know he's married I know nothing will ever happen but I need opinions please?

He's seriously hot but I doubt he would ever make a move and looking isn't a crime and I'm not going to make a move or anything so please don't tell me not to go there etc
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Re: Married collegue

Postby David020549 » Tue May 05, 2015 12:57 pm

I will say don't go there, so far it seems you have been harmless flirting and you are considering wether to take it further. It is your call because he will almost certainly have an affair with you if that's what you want, eventually his wife will find out and then the trouble starts. So if you want to stop the flirting and innuendo just have a quiet private chat with him and ask him to stop and if he continues any unwelcome attention ask your supervisor to have a word. Other staff in the office will have noticed the attention and no doubt there is office tittle tattle, don't underestimate how far that goes. Do be very sure of your ground before getting involved, love triangles usually end in tears for all concerned.
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Re: Married collegue

Postby rufio89 » Tue May 05, 2015 4:10 pm

No, looking isnt a crime, but flirting with someone elses husband isn't a very nice thing to do.

You say he's a gentleman, he keeps saying how gentlemanly he is but he doesnt sound like it! He sounds like a flirt at best, a player at worst and I'd be more surprised to find out he hadnt previously cheated on his wife than he had.

I'd just stay away from him if I were you because it sounds like you're just asking for trouble.
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Re: Married collegue

Postby Bel Bel » Wed May 06, 2015 10:39 am

What opinions do you need? Whether he fancies you or not? Apart from the fact we cannot possibly know his intentions who cares he is out of bounds. He is married and if he will do it to his wife he would do it to you.

Flirting is what is making you get muddled so stop doing it. If you weren't getting all thoughtful and sucked in then flirting would be ok but it's not this way for you so stop sticking your head in the fire
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Re: Married collegue

Postby 99probutchicoaint1 » Sat May 23, 2015 2:17 pm

I saw this exact same post in a different advice forum is this for real? ... crush-help if so what's happened since?
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