help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby jen » Mon Apr 18, 2011 2:11 pm

See! It was nothing to worry about! Glad it's all ok but i think in future if you text her and she doesn't respond right away, just give her time and try not to get yourself worked up.

It might even help to read your posts on here and see how on other occassions it's been nothing to worry about may help you if it happens again.

Whatever you do, don't keep texting her if she doesn't respond because as the previous post said - this is more likely to put her off more than anything else.

Hope all is ok
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Mon Apr 18, 2011 2:28 pm

i have been making a very concious effort not to tex too much and not make them terribly serious, they are, 95% team lighthearted and joket texts. though when i had'nt heard anything this morning i did text 'are you ok?has something happened? i've not heard from you'. when you only get one text in 26 hours and no reply on the phone my imagination runs wild. anyway she texted back to say everything was fine and we'll make plans for later.i have re-read the thread and it does help me no end. knowing that there are neutral people listening and responding really does help.

strangely something that does'nt bother me is the fact that c's pal told me that shes does somethimes avoid me so that she can just sit in, alone, eat junk and watch rubbish telly. i dont take this personally and it does not trouble me at all (apart from the fact she has'nt said so herself) as this is her nature and i know that people need their alone time and you have to flexible.

its almost like its the unkown i'm afraid of, i know for a fact she does'nt always want to see me and be alone eating rubbish. that really is ok. its when i dont know why something is happening is when i get worked up.

am nutttier than a bag of nuts.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:59 pm

a relevant wee update. c cancelled our plans tonight ans is staying home alone. she texted to say that (as i suspected) her mood has dipped and she is feeling very low, unmotivated and moody. she feels she can only take to her bed when like this. she knows i'm here if she needs me and she was so apologetic and guilty about cancelling our plans. i really feeel for her tonight. its my automatic reaction to go and help, do something but she has always been quite clear that she needs to be alone and under the duvet when like this. my heart breaks for her.

she has promised to make it up to me tomorow but i'll just be happy if she gets out and about.

this explains the 14 hours in bed and lack of texts and phone calls over the last couple of days.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:13 pm

well i did'nt hear from c again last night, she texted to say she was going out with her mum for a while today. she is going to the gym later with friends. she has not suggested that we meet later.i cant help but feel rejected and anxious about this, she is not doing well just now but i'm just not the person she turns to for help/support.i've not texted back as i dont want to put her under any pressure. she'll come to me when she is ready.i hope.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby jen » Tue Apr 19, 2011 4:03 pm

You're right to not text her back. She will come to you when she's ready. To be honest with you she sounds a bit like me in that she enjoys having a lot of her own space.

Is there nothing else you can do like go out with friends/take up a hobby etc so you're not sitting getting stressed when she doesn't text you back?
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Tue Apr 19, 2011 4:19 pm

thanks jen, wise words. c always has said she can be a bit of a loner and does enjoy time on her own. and i'm fine with that so long as she tells me, 'hey, i'm having a quiet night in tonight watching tv, i'll see you tomorow'. its when she does'nt say she is feeling low or wanting to be alone is the problem. she just goes all quiet and i dont hear from her. i go back to what i said earlier, i can cope with and work round anything, i'm very tolerant and openminded, so long as i know why its happening. its when i dont know whats going on that i get worked up. it was certainly a big step forward when she texted lat night and said she was feeling very low and wanted to retreat to bed. again i wa fine with that cos i know why she wanted to be alone.

c did say to me early on in the relationship that once i get to know her i'll never put up with her (she was worrying that i would dump her) moods, her alone time, her being moody and insenstive at times. and this can be hard work at times but she and us are so worth it. the good far outweighs the bad. she is a sweetheart. i just hope she knows how much i care and how much i love her when she is feeling down and sad.

thanks again.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby jen » Tue Apr 19, 2011 4:29 pm

I'm sure she knows how you feel but is just the type of person who enjoys her alone time. I'm the same to be honest, although now i'm married i try to spend more time with my other half because i know what it means to him.

Maybe the next time you guys are doing something just say to her "look i'm totally fine with you having alone time/doing other things and i love you but in future if you're feeling down, can you let me know so i don't worry about you. I wont run round and make you talk etc (unless you want me to) but at least i wont be worrying that something's happened to you"#

Hopefully she should be ok with this and understand where you are coming from.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Tue Apr 19, 2011 4:41 pm

Yeh, that's a good way of putting it. I did text there just to say am glad she is out and about with her mum. The more I think about it and reading peoples kind thoughts I realise its the unkown that worries me. If I don't know why something is happening then I worry. If I do know I'm chilled about it. I'll also subtlely drop this in the next time I see her.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Tue Apr 19, 2011 8:39 pm

Well, not seeing 9 tonight. She texted asking how I was etc. She is really sorry about how things are and spoke of how she feels very ignorant just now, I assume cos she is kinda off radar. I sent a nice text back sating love and care for her and let her know she should not be saying bad things about herself and that I'm here and waiting for her her whenevr she is ready. Just a wee update. Its not all badn the famous glasgow rangers are winning!
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby jen » Wed Apr 20, 2011 9:13 am

Ah a rangers fan - Good Man!
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Wed Apr 20, 2011 7:35 pm

yeh, its the teddy bears for me jen.
c still feeling low, says she is just 'plodding on', i'm being supportive and not putting any pressure on her other than i texted her to let her know i'm off sick today as i'm feeling very down and unmotivated myself. a bad day,they happen.
interestingly she texted tonight about out holiday in december, i knew 50% of the balance was due around now so i asked what was happening with that. she has went and paid 50% of it. i suppose that kinda sums her up just now, a simple phone call and i pay my share but she just rams forward paying it all without thinking. on one hand am a little annoyed she has paid this but on the other it feels quite nice that she is getting it paid and still plans to go away with me.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby Liquidius » Wed Apr 20, 2011 8:07 pm

Like you said, at least she's paid, and wants to go away with you. Try not to be annoyed, she may have just wanted to get it done. You can always pay her back. :)

I suffer from depression myself and know how hard to can be (on both ends!). You sound like you're doing everything right, so just hang on in there.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Wed Apr 20, 2011 8:28 pm

Liquidius wrote:Like you said, at least she's paid, and wants to go away with you. Try not to be annoyed, she may have just wanted to get it done. You can always pay her back. :)

I suffer from depression myself and know how hard to can be (on both ends!). You sound like you're doing everything right, so just hang on in there.

Oh it won't be bad row, just a gentle you should have phoned and got my card details kid on row. She is asking if I'm free tomorow night to come see me so that's good.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Thu Apr 21, 2011 10:03 pm

hi, i hope people dont mind me updating but i find it quite theraputic. c was over tonight for a while and as always it went well, had a laugh and had a long chat about the last few days. she has been very down and irritable, even with her niece which she feels bad about. she says that she does avoid me when like this as she doe'nt want to be grumpy or crabbit with me. she feels she is not a good person because of her moods/alone time/irritability-she is so wrong as i described her tonight as a 'catch' but not really able to accept compliemnets at present. weirdly she told me she thinks i'd be better off with someone else and that it was inevitble i'd chuck her cos of her moods etc. i had to ask if this was her thinking of ending our relationship and she said not at all, she thinks i will bin her in 2weeks/2months/2years-who knows cos i will end up hating her. i actually found this quite upsetting thinking of her feeling low and thinking these things.
i did all i could to re-assure her, complimented her etc etc.
i told her she can have alone time whenever she wants, just so long as she tells me she is feeling down and moody and thats why. she seemed to think that was perfectly reasonable.
we also had a long chat about moulding ourselves into each other and adapting to each other.
shes a good egg, she really.
as for the holiday cash we have agreed i will just pay the balance off on payday.
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Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Mon Apr 25, 2011 7:25 am

well c seems a bit better. we had a nice night last night and spent the night at mine. we've been working together through the holiday weekend and having good fun at work as well. her pal and i both think she is still not great mood wise and her concentration is way off but is defo brighter in mood and outlook. shes a bit non-commital about plans for the next week or so but she has always been like that, she hates feeling tied down to something even if only a few days away. we are both of the next holiday weekend and have planned to spend some time/nights together and get back into the habit of 'making love' cos its not been happening recently cos of how things have been.
we are going on separate holidays next week, she goes with her sister and 3 kids and i'm away for a wee trip on my own to toronto. i just want to make sure things are as back to normal before we are apart for a week on the other side of the world! but yeh things seem/feel better just now.
i did get a nice compliment yesterday via her pal, c was was talking to her about her partner and her pal was complaining about his antics on the beer. her pal asked c if she could see her living with me in the future (no plans for this i stress!!-maybe in the future) and she told m that yes she could, so long as i kept out her way to let her watch her soaps and snooze and go to bed early if she wants.fair enough.i can live with that. :)
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