help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby Skarlet » Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:44 am

I think you are being oversensitive. If you continue down this path you will end up pushing her away. Not everyone likes texting, and the everyday humdrum texts of I luv you and that seem a waste of time. I guess she is like that. If you want to continue this relationship then you will have to accept it. If you can't maybe you should think whether she is right for you.
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:53 am

Skarlet wrote:I think you are being oversensitive. If you continue down this path you will end up pushing her away. Not everyone likes texting, and the everyday humdrum texts of I luv you and that seem a waste of time. I guess she is like that. If you want to continue this relationship then you will have to accept it. If you can't maybe you should think whether she is right for you.


i know it is petty and therefore very rarely bring the issue up of texting and when i do its in a humourous way, ' c, you are r the worlds worst texter' she laughs and says she knows. between us its a long running joke between us, so its not an issue in terms of the relationship but its an issue in my head when i dont hear from her or her replies bear no resembelance to what i said/asked.
to be fair on myself i have made the effort to text much less and make the texts shorter and more lighthearted.
i just miss her and hearing from her.
thanks again for 'listening'
get1
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:06 pm
Gender: Male

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby jen » Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:01 pm

As i said in a previous post, the lack of text thing is niot just her, it's the same for a lot of people.

For example today i haven't texted my other half. He text me earlier saying something along the lines of "hey honey how are you/how's your work been. We've been really quiet here today xxx" to which i replied. "Yeah not bad. Kept going at work". Now I know that looking at my response compared to his text it would seem that i was being cold and distant but i'm really not. I just don't tend to be a very lovey dovey person when texting. He knows this and doesn't expect any more from me. He knows i'm not a huge text fan. If someone texts me, i text back out of politeness but i really can't be bothered having full conversations/chats via text unless of course there is something to talk about. For example if my partner was just texting aimless chitchat like he did this morning i usually don't reply or just reply answering questions he's asked but if he texts me to tell me something of interest to me and i want/need to know more (a bit like your office gossip thing) i usually reply. Please don't take it personally and just try to relax a bit. Some people just aren't a big fan of texting.

Sorry if i've rambled on a bit
Formerly irnbrubar
User avatar
jen
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 314
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:01 pm
Location: Stirling
Gender: Female

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby snail » Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:07 pm

I hate texting - there's no space and it takes ages to type the darn thing with my thumb. I think texts are best for quick things like "I'll be there in 10 mins"; I often feel annoyed when people try to have conversations with me via text.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4343
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:09 pm

thank you, you really are giving me some perspective. c not texting much is not the problem, its my own insecurities.
get1
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:06 pm
Gender: Male

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby rufio89 » Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:11 pm

If it makes you feel any better, I'm more like you get1. I like to get nice texts, I carry out a lot of conversations via text and I often worry terribly if I get a response that seems cold.
rufio89
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2565
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:05 pm
Location: Nottingham
Gender: Female

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:29 pm

rufio89 wrote:If it makes you feel any better, I'm more like you get1. I like to get nice texts, I carry out a lot of conversations via text and I often worry terribly if I get a response that seems cold.

really? whats your take on it? how do you get your head round it or deal with it?
get1
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:06 pm
Gender: Male

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby rufio89 » Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:46 pm

To be honest, in my last couple of long-term relationships I've been quite fortunate in that they sent me a lot of nice messages so I've not had to deal with it.

I think when I've been seeing someone where they're not very 'texty', then I just have to take a deep breath and try to calm myself. I'm afraid I cant be terribly helpful as I'm a real worrier and I overthink and overthink until I get myself worked up into a terrible state (as you might have guessed from my own post!)

All I can say really is that you just have to do your best to understand that everyones different. I can be quite a closed off person, and I sometimes find it quite embarrasing to give people compliments or say something affectionate, but I find it much easier over texts, so I try to think about how that might be for them. Just remember that you KNOW she cares about you. One of my exes wasnt a very texty person, he didnt really have the time or see the point and I hated it, and I told him how much it bothered me and then I think I got upset when he didnt change. In the end I think we agreed that if I was going to see him that day, then I'd leave him be, unless I needed to ask him something, and even then he'd prefer it if I called him. But if I wasnt going to see him that day we agreed that he'd send me one nice text, just so I knew he was thinking of me. It calmed my nerves a little, but as I said I'm a terrible worrier and I really overthink things, so I'm not the best person to give advice in this situation (which is why I havent contributed to the post before)

All I can suggest really is just concentrate on the fact that you know she cares. Maybe there's an occassion where she's said something really lovely, that's made you really happy. Try saving that in your memory as a sort of almost short video clip in your head. Then when you're feeling insecure or lonely, you can replay that in your mind. I do stuff like that sometimes and it does make me feel a bit better.
rufio89
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2565
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:05 pm
Location: Nottingham
Gender: Female

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:54 pm

rufio89 wrote:To be honest, in my last couple of long-term relationships I've been quite fortunate in that they sent me a lot of nice messages so I've not had to deal with it.

I think when I've been seeing someone where they're not very 'texty', then I just have to take a deep breath and try to calm myself. I'm afraid I cant be terribly helpful as I'm a real worrier and I overthink and overthink until I get myself worked up into a terrible state (as you might have guessed from my own post!)

All I can say really is that you just have to do your best to understand that everyones different. I can be quite a closed off person, and I sometimes find it quite embarrasing to give people compliments or say something affectionate, but I find it much easier over texts, so I try to think about how that might be for them. Just remember that you KNOW she cares about you. One of my exes wasnt a very texty person, he didnt really have the time or see the point and I hated it, and I told him how much it bothered me and then I think I got upset when he didnt change. In the end I think we agreed that if I was going to see him that day, then I'd leave him be, unless I needed to ask him something, and even then he'd prefer it if I called him. But if I wasnt going to see him that day we agreed that he'd send me one nice text, just so I knew he was thinking of me. It calmed my nerves a little, but as I said I'm a terrible worrier and I really overthink things, so I'm not the best person to give advice in this situation (which is why I havent contributed to the post before)

All I can suggest really is just concentrate on the fact that you know she cares. Maybe there's an occassion where she's said something really lovely, that's made you really happy. Try saving that in your memory as a sort of almost short video clip in your head. Then when you're feeling insecure or lonely, you can replay that in your mind. I do stuff like that sometimes and it does make me feel a bit better.


i do do that and it helps. i also save the n
ice and loving texts and re-read them when feeling insecure, that also helps. hahaha i even kept the first text she sent me when we decided to get together, the old romatic that i'am. its not even so much the lack of texts but more that i start to think, 'ohoh, cold text/lack of text, this is the beginning of the end, i'm doomed'. i'am quite mad.
cheers.
get1
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:06 pm
Gender: Male

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby jen » Fri Apr 15, 2011 1:41 pm

I don't think you're mad get1, I just think you're a bit guilty of overthinking things and worrying yourself over nothing. I think the longer you're with c, the more you will get to know her and her ways of expressing herself/doing things and eventually it wont get to you as much.
Formerly irnbrubar
User avatar
jen
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 314
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:01 pm
Location: Stirling
Gender: Female

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Fri Apr 15, 2011 2:14 pm

jen wrote:I don't think you're mad get1, I just think you're a bit guilty of overthinking things and worrying yourself over nothing. I think the longer you're with c, the more you will get to know her and her ways of expressing herself/doing things and eventually it wont get to you as much.



i know, i've had a few long term relationships and a marriage as well. i know how relationships go and how you have to work hard. i think because i do adore c (i was very fond of her before we ever got together-always on my mind and i really enjoyed being around her) and i'm scared of losing it and thus overanalyze. i will be more confident as time passes.i feel like i'm 18 again :-({|=
get1
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:06 pm
Gender: Male

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:29 am

a wee scary update. c was supposed to be coming for a meal with my parents last night but she had told me that she did not feel up to it and did not think she would be good company. she had already said she would go and i had told my parents she would be there. i had to make an excuse about work for her non-attendence. firstly i'm wondering why she cancelled and 2ndly i have hardly heard from her. we had a nice time together with her niece on saturday night. then yesterday after i had sent a text and email about her weekend away for her birthday and some useful info for our holidays she has only texted last night to say 'have a nice timexxx'. i tried phoning her last night with out reply and sent a couple of texts but nothing (this was about 10 last night). i'm either of the belief she is with someone else or she just cant be bothered with me.my stomach is turning.
get1
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:06 pm
Gender: Male

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby jen » Mon Apr 18, 2011 1:14 pm

See you're doing it again - automatically thinking the worst.

Maybe she just wasn't feeling great yesterday. This could mean not feeling great in herself or maybe feeling unwell. She may have decided to have a soak in the bath and just have an early night?

You can't keep assuming the worst every time she doesn't reply. Text her once and don't text her again until she replies to you. It may be that she's been busy or as i said, had an early night, not heard her phone etc etc.

At the end of the day if she was going to leave/break up with you, there's nothing you can do to stop it so why worry yourself over something you have no control over and hasn't even happened?
Formerly irnbrubar
User avatar
jen
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 314
Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 4:01 pm
Location: Stirling
Gender: Female

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby Skarlet » Mon Apr 18, 2011 1:17 pm

I totally agree with Jen. You seem so intent on expecting her to break up with you, you cant' possibly be enjoying being with her. My ex was forever expecting me to run off with someone else, in the end, his lack of confidence in me and his lack of trust drove me away.
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: help.long story.very mixed up and scared.HELP!!

Postby get1 » Mon Apr 18, 2011 2:00 pm

hi, texted at 12, she had been asleep after having an early night. we are going out or doing something later, probably a beer garden (i hope). when we are together we are fine, we really are and do enjoy each others company. i just assume the worst from the most minor of things. its not as bad as it was but i just have these wobbles.
get1
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:06 pm
Gender: Male

PreviousNext

Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 4 guests