Jealousy and control

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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby vospie vosp » Mon Jul 06, 2009 4:50 pm

I actually fit one of those characteristics, although I don't see myself as a jealous person at all. The girl I've posted a problem about has been historically bad at communicating with me. She's slack at responding to my texts, when she says she will call, she doesn't (she says she'll call at night after I finish work at midnight and ends up falling asleep) I used to get really frustrated by this behaviour and saw it as a sign that she wasn't interested but she'd always be mortified that I thought she wasn't. Howeve, she still carried on being slack to reply to me. She's a lot better now but I've just come to understand what she's like without getting insecure about it. I still try and get her to do better at communicating with me. Right now, I'm trying to get her to email me more. I told her to yesterday and she hasn't! I just like hearing from her. It's nice to get a random text or email. Is this jealousy or controlling?
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby Laurie_Lo » Tue Jul 07, 2009 1:04 am

When I read this I was a bit worried coz the guy I'm with told me after about a month he loved me. I kept pushing him away and one day he was like "You don't even care if I spoke to another woman!" so i said I didn't and then he said he thought he was falling in love with me. Now he tells me he loves me all the time and speaks of children constantly. But I feel as though I'm the type of person who falls in love easily (or at least think I'm in love coz I don't know what love feels like) and I tell this man I love him too. Soo maybe sometimes people can just fall in love easily??
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby shell » Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:58 pm

hi, i cant beleive how true this is...you ve got it all in a nutshell... i had a relation ship like this, and he showed every trait that you talk about, and if i could get on the cheaters web site i would, just to save somone the pain and anguish i went through!! i stayed on for the longhaul , thinking that it would all turn out o.k as long as we were on our own, cos like he said, its other people that cause our problems and arguments!!! but after he eventually showed his true colours by cheating with his workmates wife, and making me beleive that i was going a bit funny in the head to ever think he would do this, i brought a mobile phone bug from tracker shack in london!! soon found him to be a liar and as soon as he was found out the violence started, and i ve never known anything like it. i nearly got thrown from an appartment 5th floor, and stabbed.
i sorted my head out and got away, by going abroad for 6 months, it was the only way out.
i think that when i found out who he really was ! he didnt bother to hide it anymore and became his true self..and it was truly vile!!
girls beware!!
x
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby Sussexlady » Mon Jan 25, 2010 6:52 pm

Yes the OP writes a LOT of sense.

My advice would be, soon as you see the warning signs, GET OUT before you get too involved and attached to him.
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby spacegirl » Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:38 pm

wow - a friend of mine has been in a relationship with this guy for years, and he's always been a bit shady, jealous, possessive, but not openly abusive (well he's not going to be to the outside world) and when my friend fights with her bf or gets drunk she opens up and tells us things about him... a lot of which are sounding like the symptoms described above :( her friends and family have tried on numerous occasions to persuade her to see sense and leave him but i think she's in his trap. what to do...
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby Regenerated » Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:05 pm

Control and jealousy are evil feelings. If you think either one in the first place you are with the wrong partner! My wife and I trust each other implicitly. She has a past with other partners and so do I but we don't spend our time thinking or worrying about it. Trusts is the issue here surely! If you don't trust someone why are you with them? Controlling people need to be dumped speedily! whilst you may be in a relationship you are still an individual and no-one has the right to tell you what to do! be honest with each other, if you fancy someone else tell your partner why and work it out! Don't try to control people and don't allow yourself to be controlled.
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby OutofcontrolGal » Mon Oct 04, 2010 10:09 am

Hi there I am going out with a gut who is just like this... he slags off his ex wife and says he cheated on her cos she was so horrible to him and he could not stand it. He has also got very serious he says that he fell in love with me at first sight and that he has not been this happy with anyone for years. He is very violent and aggressive and tells me who i can and cant talk to and says i cant go out by myself. The thing is at times he can also be so lovely and makes me feel safe. Men like this are very clever and know all the right things to say...
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Oct 06, 2010 3:56 pm

outofcontrolgal why are you putting up with this
You obviosuly have the sense to see right through him
He has no right to control you if he has a wife
You know you can do better, get out and stop wasting your life
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby roxy-scarlette92 » Thu Nov 25, 2010 7:07 pm

I can honestly relate to most of what you have just listed.

I met a guy through Facebook which happened to go to my Secondary School AND lived on my Nans street aswell! So we got talking and met up loads of times (I was 16 and he was 18).
I was oblivious to everything. I was a girl who had been on dates with lots of guys but had never had a serious boyfriend, therefore I did not tend to notice the lies in which I could have spotted now when we first got together.

He said he was doing community service as he got caught selling drugs, he was studying law as a BTEC and if I was with friends, he'd text me stupid things saying "Im running away to France with (friend) youll never see me again." When really, he had no job/education, living in a one bedroom flat with his mum and brother and had no friends.

Now I am 18 going on 19 and from everything I have experienced, I can spot a jelous and controlling guy from a mile off.
He always accused me of sleeping around, everyday consisted of coming round MY HOUSE everyday at 10am and leaving at 10pm unless we were at college, he'd make me cook dinner for him - dinner my mum and dad bought. He was rinsing us dry out of our money, was ungrateful.
Always told me what to wear, who to talk to, he once deleted all my numbers off of my phone, hacked my Facebook.

We argued like mad and I thought hed swear on his promise that he'd change, but he never did. A year later, I ended it.
And he couldn't take rejection and took it to another level. But its all gone and dusted now.
I blocked his number, facebook but unfortunately he still lives down my nans road and I occasionally bump into a member of his family.

Not long ago, I actually unblocked his Facebook just to see what hes up to, and hes making out hes in Cambridge Uni as a Graphic Designer and he works as a Manager at JD Sports. Not only are they lies, but hes doing exactly what he done to me with other girls now.
Although I should feel sorry for them, I don't. Reason being is that at this day and age, us girls need to protect ourselves and go through these experiences otherwise we will never learn.
Noone ever told me to get rid of him, NOONE! And although I wish somebody did, I am thankful I went through it all because its made me the person I am today. Stronger, more aware and carefree.
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby get1 » Tue Apr 19, 2011 12:06 pm

hi, just read this. i'm in two minds about it. i have a couple of characteristics as noted in the first post, impatience at replies and fell very quickly for my girlfriend (i think that was because we were friendly/close before we got together. does this make me violent or controlling, i think not. i would never stop c doing anything or seeing her friends etc etc. i have never raised a hand to anyone nor psychologicaly abused c or anyone else for that matter.
oh and i do shout when i lose my temper. does this make me a control freak? i think not.
just a wee bit of sweeping generalisations going on.
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby blossy » Fri Jun 24, 2011 6:10 pm

Oh this is so so true and i can identify with every single point, don't hang around run for the hills, i had a very similar experience with my ex, he loved too belittle bully and scream at me just because he felt like it, don't become like me, a person who feels lost and dependent on such a waster who deems this type of behaviour is justified and acceptable, it is not!!! Well written and thoroughly true every single part of it, it made me feel so much better to realise i am not the only woman who suffered this, mine was insecure too the point i had too prove i owned my house and he actually called up my bank too check how much money i had only too find they wouldn't tell him anything. I kid you not!!!! I stayed for 14 months well done for getting out in just three.. People like this will do anything and everything too undermine you, destroy your confidence, cheat on you too keep you in your place and convince you it is all your fault.
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby Craig Alexander » Wed Sep 07, 2011 10:17 pm

Hi,

That's a very good, inspirational post.

It sounds like you got of the relationship at the right time. If it had gone on much longer then it's a guarantee he would have used physical violence towards you at some point.

You are not to blame for any part of the relationship. He clearly has a problem and only he can sort it out by getting professional help.


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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby snjn1424 » Sun Jul 27, 2014 7:16 pm

I have been in a relationship like this. Oh my.

He told me he was in love with me and he never felt this way before. He wanted to marry me and have children with me (when I was ready). He wanted to be with me all of the time.
He told me if I wore a skirt or a dress I would get raped. If I had a drink and wore a skirt or a dress then my drink will be spiked and I could be kidnapped the lot so don't wear one.
He told me I had to put my facebook profile picture of me and him so that my male friends would all "back off" even though none of them were a threat.
He told me he didn't want me out too late so if I ever went out he will stay in my flat and wait for me to get home so he knows what time I got in.
A couple of months ago I went out with my friend and stayed over there. He kept phoning my mobile and texting me and I replied when I could but I politely asked him to lay off the texting and calling because I have a son and my baby was with his Dad and I wanted to keep my line free and my battery was very low. He told me the next day that he was sat outside my flat in his car until 2am in the morning waiting for me to get home but he got tired and went home in the end. But he still drove round just to watch my flat.
Whenever we were out he would start fights with guys who spoke to me, he would go right up to people I know and he'd stand there in an aggressive way staring them out. I had to put myself in dangerous situations for him to stop fights from breaking out.
All of this was because he cared about me and he loved me.
Then he would shout at me and call me horrible names. - when he was drunk. He would cry and beg for my forgiveness and the flowers would turn up.
I've been there, done that. And it's not good.
I'm still trying to shake this guy off.
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby Tarantula » Sun Aug 31, 2014 1:52 am

Ooooh I now have direct experience of this. Thanks for posting!
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Re: Jealousy and control

Postby Akidma » Mon Nov 10, 2014 10:01 am

Hi
Yes you have certainly experienced what is referred to as 'a control freak' which also becomes a possible violent person too!
Your time with him wasn't wasted totally though because you have learned, and hopefully will be able to recognise the signs when you meat another similar ape.
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