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Work near to home for less or away and upset my wife?

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 12:40 pm
by orca1972
The dilemma I have is whether to work away from home for the same pay but go against my wife's wishes or find a job closer to home, not doing what I want, for less money.

I have been working as an IT consultant for a few years now which means that I have to work away from home every so often. This might be every other week. I am married, 2 children, nice home but far from places where I would normally find employment for someone with my skills. As, I said, we have a comfortable lifestyle but don't exactly save much. This doesn't seem to bother my wife who simply wants me to work closer to home and commute daily.

I can't think of anything worse than going back to a 9 to 5 job spending the worst part of the day caught up in traffic. Also many local jobs are not in my area of expertise and pay less. My wife suggested I should change career and simply accept a lesser paid job. "We'll cope somehow" she says.

But I know that it won't be that simple. It would lead to financial problems, more arguments (on top of the ones we have) and me being unhappy in the work I do.

So where do I go from here? I enjoy my work and also what I perceive to be a balance between working away and being able to focus and spending quality time at home. If I get a job where I have to commute inevitably I would spend even less time at home and just get stressed.

Any ideas?

Re: Work near to home for less or away and upset my wife?

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 12:50 pm
by snail
Why does your wife want you to make this change? If it will mean less income she must have quite a strong reason for wanting it - does she need more help with the children, is she just lonely, or does she think seeing each other every day would improve the relationship? I would focus on what is behind her request - it may be that you can meet that need in another way without changing job.

Re: Work near to home for less or away and upset my wife?

Posted: Thu Sep 10, 2015 5:08 pm
by orca1972
I am trying to understand myself and am really struggling. I have been away maybe 4 or 5 times in the last 3 months. Most of the time I'm at home anyway looking after the children, cooking etc. My wife has a horse, and my daughter a pony. We have a dog, about to take on another despite me saying no, and I just feel that she wants this nice family life with lots of animals and a husband around to help. I would too but unless we sell the horses and cut some expenditure that just is not going to happen. My next role could well be Mon to Thurs away, I just don't know yet, and if I take such a role I know things will get harder for her at home. This is what is making her want me to take a job closer to home that may be less well paid.

But I find I am going round in circles. I know its a catch 22 situation and that job closer to home = less money = fewer nice things plus less job satisfaction for me. The only plus I see is that I will be here more regularly. But in reality I think I will have a long commute and will end up leaving early each morning and arriving home late at night which equally is not going to work.


Re: Work near to home for less or away and upset my wife?

Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 3:59 pm
by thewildchild
I would say keep doing the job that you love, stuck in a job you hate is just the worst :/ Like you say, working closer to home might end up in more fights, so I don't think it's worth it. How many days per week do you see your wife/kids again?

Re: Work near to home for less or away and upset my wife?

Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 12:11 pm
by Bel Bel
Have you put it down in black and white

earn X can pay for xxx
earn x less can only pay for x

tell her if it's what she wants what is she prepared to sacrifice , it's about you too

If she doesn't understand how bad this is making you feel then it may be because you aren't communicating it very well. Write it down negatives and positives

If she just brushes you off tell her you could become resentful and it will end your relationship so you need to compromise with each other, use the dog as an example of adding to the budget without a thought for affect on you

Re: Work near to home for less or away and upset my wife?

Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2015 6:29 pm
by David020549
A happy wife means a happy life as the old saying goes, if she wants you at home try as hard as you can to do that because the relationship will suffer and once that starts where will it end. If you are a decent IT consultant you should find work within travel distance from home, so tell it how it is "working close to home means less to spend", unless of course she starts working as well to make up the difference.