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Long Distance Boyfriend vs My Mum

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:59 pm
by elcs113
I'm a 17 year old girl and I've been in a long-distance relationship with a guy who lives in Miami, Florida for the past 3 months. I live in London and me and my mum are going to New York this summer. I really want to see him this summer, but I don't know how to tell my mum that I want to go to Miami, let alone to see my boyfriend wh she has no idea about. Because I'm her only child and only daughter this is a huge dilema. How do I tell my mum without disappointing her but also have her take me seriously when I tell her about my feelings?

Re: Long Distance Boyfriend vs My Mum

PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:45 pm
by ILoveChristmas
Well the first step has to be telling your mum about your boyfriend. You need to do that long before you mention anything about going to visit him.

I would tell her you've been involved with someone who lives in Miami for quite some time and that you feel the relationship is now at a serious enough level where you want to tell her about him. That will hopefully start lots of little conversations where she can get to know him a little better. Your boyfriend becoming a common talking-point is a good thing because it means in a month or two when you do raise the issue of going to see him your mum is familiar with who this person is. You're much less likely to meet serious resistance this way. I'd also suggest getting your mum to say hi to him on Skype or similar.

I understand that you'd want to go to Miami to visit, but given that you're 17 and your mum will be understandably worried about what might happen to you while you're away, I think you may need to modify your plans a little and invite your boyfriend to come and stay with you as a first step. That way your mum will be much happier about letting you go there to stay with him. You may need to accept that she's very unlikely to let you go to Miami and stay with a stranger (to her) unless she knows more about him.

That's my advice if you're planning a second trip to the states after your New York holiday with your mum. If your suggestion is that you go to Miami instead of New York I can't see your mum agreeing to it.

Re: Long Distance Boyfriend vs My Mum

PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 3:13 pm
by Bel Bel
The US is a big country do you realise how far Maimi is from New York? It isn't a quick bus ride. It's like travelling from London to Scotland.

3 months is not a long time really either.

From a long term point of view you aren't going to get to see each other much? Do you talk to him on the phone, have you skyped or do you just communicate by keyboard? I would be very concerned if you haven't seen his face (watch catfish :o )

I am not saying don't carry on talking to him but you would be better investing time getting to know someone local who you can see and go out with.

What future do you see yourself having with someone you can't touch or see ever?

Re: Long Distance Boyfriend vs My Mum

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 3:21 pm
by rufio89
I agree with what the others have said - how did you meet this guy, have you seen his face/spoken to him on the phone etc? As BelBel said, watch CatFish.

Second, it doesnt sound practical... Miami is 1200 miles away from New York, how are you planning to get there? It's a fairly short flight (relatively) but do you have the money available to do that or would you be relying on your Mum to pay? Failing that it's 18-24 hours drive or on public transport, it's a MASSIVE journey to take - nevermind BelBel saying London-Scotland, it's more like London to Portugal!

Thirdly, in all honesty, I doubt your Mum would let you go. 17 is still pretty young, it's an age where parents are on the fence about letting boyfriends/girlfriends stay, but that's when they KNOW them and see them around a lot of the time etc. I know that if I had a daughter (or son) there wouldnt be a chance in hell that I'd let her go and visit her american boyfriend I'd never met or previously heard about. I wouldnt even let her go and stay if I HAD met him, it's a long way away and the risks are too high.

What are your plans when you turn 18? I'd suggest waiting until you're 18, can save up your own money and go and visit him as a legal adult (bearing in mind you still wouldnt be classed as such in the US), and in the meanwhile, get him to come and visit you.