Woman at work has crush on me but...........

[lowopinionated]

This as far as I know has been going on about 2 years now - and what it is, I have been getting so fed up with my colleagues at work (who have their good points but can be annoying as well ) constantly going on at me about a young woman at work and that we should go out and date each other.

It started Xmas before last, at the office night out when she told me when she was drunk - I wasn't sure whether to believe her but now several people in the office have been on about it now including my female supervisor!

Yes I am single (I'm 40, she's 32), but I just simply don't feel anything for her. I don't know what she sees in me - but the others have said it is because I such a nice guy, a gentleman, not rowdy and horrid and like cats same as she does.

Well as one other girl at the office said, I should feel complimented - but I don't really. It sounds awful I know, but I almost feel a bit "Why did she have to fancy me?".

Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike the woman, I chat to her often, she's friendly enough, and she partly trained me when I first started there 3 years ago. But I've never really wanted to go out with her - there's no spark from me and I know this sounds horrible but I can't fancy her. Plus her background is a bit different to mine, she was living with a previous boyfriend before and even though they broke up years ago, she's still texting him. She in the meantime has been out with dozens of other blokes and hasn't got very far (after she's slept with many of them) and they have all fizzled out but she intended them to be temporary anyway. While I don't like the sound of that, the others in the office have all said "Well she's stopped that now and now wants one nice guy" etc. But also her parents split up a few years back and aren't together now, whereas mine stayed together forever (Until my dad passed away 18 years ago). She also can drink far more booze than I can and handle it (well before eventually being sick some nights) and I don't like drinking a lot or getting a hangover, although I'm not a tee totaller.

Again the other workmates just said "That was just a phase" . But the annoying thing is that people keep bringing the subject up about me and her like a stupid wind up and it's just annoying! They seem to want a romance in my workplace section and think they're helping the 2 of us out, because we are both single! D'oh!! Oh please!!

If I was interested in her I would have said by now!! Look I don't hate her, I enjoy just chatting to pass the time of the day with her but I've never ever felt anything for her. I often forget about her. I know some would say "Someone's staring you in the face and you won't see that she could be the one", no - Rubbish.

Also why can't they all mind their own business??!!

And - I more or less have decided I may as well stay single now (a long story), but I have had nothing but dissapointments with my dating history, had a couple of weirdo women want to keep seeing me when I was put off by them either on the first date or after getting to know them and several others didn't ask to see me after the first date. So I've just given up now.

I like my own company a lot (although I do have good mates outside of work I see from time to time). But my friends also think that an outgoing person would be good for me as it would bring me out of my shell, but I have recently discovered that I have Asperger's syndrome and have an odder sense of humour and half the time never know whether people are joking or teasing and often don't find people's teasing very funny.

A relationship has to work both ways and both people have to have a spark and it's not there with me. I've also had mad crushes on a few different women/girls over the years and felt pretty stupid later when it didn't work out or I was the last person they wanted to go out with! I don't want to be a fool again, so I'm better off out of it. One workmate thinks I'm writing myself off, I don't look at it that way. I know this is different with this woman, but I don't have loving feeling for her or anybody else - I've lost the romantic dreamy feeling for any female now. It would take a LOT to bring it back.

If someone is meant for me I will know, and it hasn't happened yet.

[dayle]

I don't have any advice about making your co-workers stop, but I agree with you that you shouldn't date someone if you don't fancy them. Especially not where you work together and it would be very public. My sister was pushed into a relationship like this - someone who liked her, all their friends thought they should be together etc - and it wasn't a happy ending. Also, while anyone's parents can get divorced and it doesn't mean they have different values, it does seem like you would struggle with her approach to life and that's ok. You don't have to date someone just because they like you. Just stick to your guns, be nice and friendly with her but don't promise more.

[Craig Alexander]

Hi,

Don't go out with someone just because other people want you to. Only you know what's right for you.

Which leads me to this: If you don't fancy someone, you don't fancy someone, it's a simple as that. The chemistry is either there or it isn't there. It requires 2 people to create that spark.

Also, I have a policy of not having a relationship with someone at the work place. The reason? If it goes pear shaped & you two split on bad terms, then you've still got to work with that person. Not a pleasant situation.

I hope this has been some help.

Craig Alexander
I HAVE MY LIFE (http://www.ihavemylife.com)

[lowopinionated]

Thanks guys for the advice! The people making the suggestions are not perfect themselves and not exactly an example..........

[Tucco]

Hi there,

I think the advice that has been given is correct but would like to add a couple of points, a, dont write romance off, it will come along when you LEAST expect it to, b, please do not be unkind to this female, if she likes you a lot then do not lead her on at all, just try to carry on as your usual self.

In my experience office gossip is just there to relieve boredom, something else will come along and be hot gossip soon.

I would also like to tell you to be wary of what you tell your colleagues re your personal situation.

Treating work colleagues as "best friends" and confiding all your secrets is not a good idea, this is because if they are not really good friends they can use this information to make fun of you at a later date( because they are not your real friends).

I felt the need to explain this as people with Aspergers can find it difficult to detirmine between colleagues/aqaintances and real friends.

Good luck.