Help, I hate my child's grandparents

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Help, I hate my child's grandparents

Postby samcleo » Sat Aug 14, 2010 5:31 pm

Hi Everyone, this is my very first time on here but I have a problem that has been niggling me for a while now. I split up with my 9 year old's dad when he was 2 years old and we have always had an amicable relationship where they see each other and there are no bad feelings. The problem is my ex's parents. We got on famously when their son and I were together and for many years after we split up. My son adores them and they adore him and he loves to stay with them every Friday night. A few years ago, however, my ex's parents and I had an argument and they showed some pretty nasty colours I never knew existed in them. They said some horrible things about me and when my mum intervened to defend me they were nasty to her too. Apologies were made and I did my best to try and forgive them and for a while it worked. But the more I see them the more I think of what they said about me and the more I hate them. It has got so bad now that I cannot even smile at them when they come and drop my son off on a Saturday morning. I try desperately to hide it in front of my son and say only nice things about them to him. I don't want to know them anymore but I would never stop my son from seeing them and vice versa. They come into my house when they pick my son up or drop him off and I would be happier if they just stayed on the doorstep and collected him that way instead. To me the only link with them is my son and nothing more. I have tried so hard to forgive and be nice to them but I cannot do it anymore. They are very falsely nice with me and that only makes me feel worse. It is making me very stressed and I would be so grateful of any advice anyone can give me. Thankyou x
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Re: Help, I hate my child's grandparents

Postby ILoveChristmas » Mon Aug 16, 2010 8:58 am

You need to find a way of controlling your feelings towards them. Hating them to the point where you can't be civil can't possibly have a good outcome, even for you.

Think of the facts as they are: your son loves his grandparents, they give you a night off on a Friday, you don't want to stop him seeing them, you probably don't want to cause any animosity between you and your ex partner and what happened was years ago.

I'm not suggesting you forget all about what they said, but taking the facts into account, where is the room there for hating them? You don't need to like them, but I don't think you should make your feelings any more public than they are.

It's important to keep things as normal as possible for your son, and making his grandparents wait on the doorstep introduces a divide that your son will pick up on immediately. Remember this whole situation is about your son, and children pick up on signals that go completely unnoticed to an adult.

Be civil to the grandparents, accept their apology and try to let the bad feelings subside. Nobody has any right to expect complete forgiveness or even for you to forget, but you're not doing anyone any good right now.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
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Re: Help, I hate my child's grandparents

Postby samcleo » Tue Aug 17, 2010 9:56 am

Dear IloveChristmas,
thankyou for your advice I am going to take it and you made me think how it could potentially affect my son who is obviously the important issue here. Many thanks again.. :)
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