My friend is ill

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My friend is ill

Postby LME79 » Mon Jun 21, 2010 12:53 am

Hi all,

Wow, haven't been on here for a while ... sorry to come crashing in with such an explosive one but my friend has just told me she has cancer. She's not my best friend but she's a good friend .. I lived with her at uni etc. Apparently they've found a growth and she'll found out on Thursday (week after testing) how severe it is. I don't know what to say to her. I've told her that if she needs me then I'm right here, doesn't matter what it is, even if it's 3am. But what else can I do? I feel really helpless and then when I feel that I feel really selfish because how the hell must she feel?!! Honestly, I just met another friend for the evening and on the walk back home I just cried my eyes out. She's not even 30, for God's sake. This isn't fair. At all. I just don't understand.

Has anyone got any advice? I want to be there but don't want to be appearing there for the sake of doing good ... does that make sense?
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Re: My friend is ill

Postby Skarlet » Mon Jun 21, 2010 10:51 am

Just do what you are doing. You can't say anything to make her feel better, so don't even try. Let her know she can come to you whenever she wants, but don't force yourself on her at all.

It is also normal to feel how you do, because it makes you aware of your own vulnerabilty and it is scary. Don't feel bad for that.
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Re: My friend is ill

Postby peecee » Mon Jun 21, 2010 11:04 am

I agree with Skarlet.

Also, lme, the first thing you can do to help yourself is stop panicking!!! :) You don't know how serious it is, and you don't know how they're going to treat it - so of course, the uncertainty is awful, and very upsetting. Intellectually, you know that they treat cancer every day, we've all got friends who've survived it. But emotionally - it's a deep-seated fear humans have.

Your friend needs to know that she can offload her fears on you if she wants to, and your job is to stay calm and matter-of-fact, rather than emotional. It will make you feel more in control, it will help her keep calm, and she will know that she can rely on you to be there and support her - she will also know that you're putting her feelings first, rather than worrying about how upset you are (by "you", I mean everybody in your circle of friends).

I know this is going to be on your mind every hour of the day until the results on Thursday, petal, but please, please try and get on with your life as normal. And please let us know if there are any developments, yes?

Lots of love
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