Don't know what to do - advice?

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Don't know what to do - advice?

Postby bethd_15 » Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:07 pm

I am a 15 year old girl and I'm suffering from problems that other people may find silly, but because of the way other teens are, I feel they are magnified.

I am 16 in five months and I have never had a boyfriend. People might say "Oh, it'll happen eventually" but I am starting to feel there is something wrong with me. Other girls and boys my age or even younger have been in relationships - they haven't necessarily lasted but it would just be nice to go out with someone, even for a bit as I have had no experience and everyone else has at some point or another. I always try my hardest to look my best - I wear nice clothes and people have told me I am pretty, even though I don't believe this myself. I have a laugh with people and I'm generally nice. There have only ever been a few lads interested but either I haven't liked them back or they seem too desperate as they say the same thing to every girl. I don't want to get to the age of 18 or whatever and have never had a boyfriend! I have spoken to my mum about this before but she said that "boys are silly at my age". They seem to be alright with other girls though?

I am a sociable person - I chat to people at school and go up to the park on Friday evenings and a lot of people from my year group are there. There is one boy I like in particular, who I've been friends with for a few years, and I see him up the park and in school - I've liked him for the past two years and I don't know what to do about it. Sometimes he gives me signals that he likes me but I don't know whether he is just being flirty. He seems to blow hot and cold - he stares at me a lot and the other week he was holding my hand on the way home from the park but the next moment he is acting totally normal! He's told me I'm pretty before but I don't know if it's my personality - we are good friends so I don't think it can be! :( I don't want to leave school in the next year never telling him how I feel just in case he felt the same too!

Also, I feel that everyone seems to do lots of things I don't - everybody has each others mobile numbers and go to parties together - I've never been to one! I just feel that if I ever told anybody I knew about this, and the fact I've never had a boyfriend, I would be so embarrassed! My four closest friends are the only ones who suffer from these problems too.

I also feel really stressed about exams at the moment. I am so afraid that I won’t do well and that I’ll fail everything. I am doing alright in most subjects but I still feel nervous and stressed a lot.

My sisters always seem to do better than me as well – my younger sister is bright and enthusiastic about school and is popular. She’s coming up to my school in September and I even worry that she will have a boyfriend before me! My older sister has always had boyfriends and done well in school. All I ever hear is about her boy troubles or her current boyfriends or how well she’s doing and I feel that no one has anything interesting to say about me.

Sorry for rambling, but I just worry that I am becoming depressed over these things that don’t seem important but are to a teenager who is living around people that I think are so much better than me. I would just like some advice as I talk to my parents sometimes and I feel better for it but then I just spiral downwards again, feeling really pathetic and alone.
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Re: Don't know what to do - advice?

Postby ILoveChristmas » Wed Apr 14, 2010 1:21 pm

First and foremost, welcome. Second of all, problems are never silly. They might not apply to everyone, but here you'll always be taken seriously so you musn't worry about that.

You seem to have a low opinion of yourself, and i'm trying to think of reasons why that should be, but from your post I can't find any. You're very obviously an extremely bright girl (i've never seen someone your age write so well), you've been told you're good looking and you seem to have a fairly wide base of friends.

I come from a family where my two sisters, both older than me, have done extremely well for themselves and I therfore know that it's very hard not to compare yourself to them, and not to feel like you're being compared to them. It's a cycle you have to try and break though because it's so self destructive. Someone in that frame of mind will never identify areas where you outshine them, and there will be plenty believe me. Your sisters are who they are, and you are you. If they have boyfriends so what, you could get a boyfriend easily. You just need to get yourself into that frame of mind.

What I do think though is that you're a very guarded person, and others possibly pick up on that. What I mean is, you've been told by this boy you like, and others, that you're attractive and yet you're reluctant to believe them. It's always very hard (and easy for me to say) that you need to take the bull by the horns, but I think that really is the way forward. You have all the ingredients to be a very popular young lady, make the most of them!

Start by talking to this friend of yours and maybe suggest that you go to the cinema together. If you don't want to take that big a leap all at once then ask him if he'd like to walk home from the park this weekend. Ask him what his plans are for the rest of the weekend and start a flowing conversation with him. You can get on to topics like recent films you've seen - guess what - an ideal opportunity to suggest you go and see that film you both fancy seeing!

As for your friends having mobile numbers for other friends, it's unlikely that anyone will outright offer you theirs and you don't necessarily have to outright ask for theirs either. I don't like liars, but in this case a wee white one seems ok. Why not say something like "i've got a new sim card" or "I lost all my numbers" and ask your friends this Friday for theirs. They're very unlikely to say no, especially to an attractive young lady!

It's all about finding the confidence everyone else knows you should have. It's not easy, but take it bit at a time and you gain confidence as you go :)

Good luck, and hopefully others here can come and lend their experiences and advice.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
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Re: Don't know what to do - advice?

Postby bethd_15 » Wed Apr 14, 2010 7:14 pm

Thanks for taking the time to reply,
You've given me some pretty good advice, I may just put some of your ideas to the test, who knows! :)
I think just having confidence is the main problem and not believing in myself, as you said. :)
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