Problem with boyfriends brothers girlfriend, long, sorry!

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Problem with boyfriends brothers girlfriend, long, sorry!

Post by Bexxi » Mon Oct 05, 2009 11:42 am

I have written about this on the friends page but have only had 1 reply.
So the thing is, my boyfriend Karl and me have been together for 3 years. His brother Simon has been with a girl called Jess for about 4 years. She is a control freak, possesive, jealous and abusive. She lives directly over the road from Karls house, and seems to be obsessed with it and everyone and everything thats inside it. The problems first started just after I had got with Karl. Jess came up to me one day and told me that my friend Dan had been calling me a slag. I confronted him and he told me it was Jess that had been saying it. I decided to leave it and not say anything to her. Then a few weeks later, Karls cousin, Jay had a go at me because Jess had told him I had said that I didn't really like Jay, and just used him for his house so I wouldn't be cold on a night. Thankfully he beleived me when I said it was all lies. Yet again i decided not to say anything (Im not a fan of confrontation!) and everything was ok for a few more weeks. One night me and Karl went down to his house, it was the first time I was going to meet his mum and her boyfriend, Ian. Before I had even got in the garden Karls mum came flying out, screaming and shouting at me to leave her son alone. Karl managed to calm her down, and found out that Jess had told Karls mum that I was using him for his car and his money, that I was a slag and once I had got everything I wanted out of him I would leave him. This is totally not true, I have been very happily with Karl for 3 years and wouldn't dream of leaving him! I decided that this was one step too far, and that I would confront Jess about it next time I saw her, which happened to be the next day. She was walking down the street with Simon, and I went up and asked why she kept spreading lies about me. She answered the question by shoving me hard in the stomach. This really made me mad so I grabbed her by the throat and told her to leave me alone and not to say anything else about me. Simon then came and pushed me over, and they both went to Karls house. About 15 minutes later Karls mum rang him up, saying that I had better not go down there again after I had just "battered" Jess, and said she was sat at his house crying with a bag of peas on her eye where I had apparantly punched her! I did NOT punch her, I grabbed her by the throat but that is all, and that was only so she would listen to me. Karl told his mum the truth and she apologised to me. After a few days, a load of us were sitting in the park. I was just talking to my friend when Jess came up and punched me in the face for no reason. We both ended up brawling, and both ended up on the floor with Karl cand Simon trying to stop us from fighting. When the fight was over, Simon and Karl had a big fallout, obviously because Karl was sticking up for me and Simon was sticking up for Jess. I felt bad, as Karl and Simon are very close, and i didn't want to be the reason they fell out. So I decided that I would talk to Jess and, even though I couldnt stand her, decided to be civil with her for Karl and Simons sake. It was all ok, and the lies about me stopped, but the bigger lies started. The first one she told us was that her friend, called "Pebbles" was raped and killed by her ex boyfriend, becuase he couldn't find Jess to rape her so he raped and killed her best friend instead. She told us she had been to the morgue that day to identify her freinds body. i know this is a lie as she wasn't 18 then, and wasnt related to this girl so wouldn't have been allowed to identify the body. Not to mention that there was nothing on the news or in the papers about a girl called Pebbles being raped and murdered (to me, that would have been front page news!). Then another lie was that 5 men had dragged her in a van, but she stabbed one in the eye with her key and got away. She later admitted that she had made it up, but only because her ex boyfriend had threatened to stab her mum and sister if she didn't tell us that. (That was a lie too, one that doesnt even make sense to me! She doesn't even have an ex boyfriend, he's made up!). She also told me that one night he had tied her to a lamppost and pulled down her pants and left her there all night, where she was constantly raped by every man that walked past her, and not one person tried to help her. She made me promise not to tell anyone, thats because it, again, was a lie. After that the big lies stopped and she started making up silly little ones instead. One was, she nearly got fired from work because someone who worked with her tried to rape her and no one beleived her so they threatened to fire her (All a load of bull!).
She is totally in control of Simon, he is not allowed out without her, he is not allowed to talk to girls, she checks his phone everynight and is constantly phoning and texting him on the rare occurences when he is allowed out by himself. When he comes home from work and gets in the bath she sits in the bathroom with him and watches him have a bath so she knows he isnt texting any girls! I walked to the shop with him and Karl the other day without her, and by the time we had gotten back she had rung him 4 times and sent him 7 messages (the shop is only at the top of the street!) The messages said things like "Where the hell are you? You better not be with any lasses, don't you leave me here on my own you horrible person". I have asked Simon why he is with her, and he told me that he doesnt even love her, and that the only reason he is still with her is because she threatened to kill herself if he leaves her. That is bang out of order because Simons dad committed suicide about 6 years ago, so he is very sensitive to the subject. He also told me that she spends her entire £800 wage on him, so that is why he stays. He doesn't love her, and has cheated on her loads. Last year it came out that he had been sneaking out of Jess' room on a night when he stayed at hers and going into her sisters room to have sex with her, before sneaking back into bed with Jess. When Jess found out she went mad, but didn't leave him, just got even more controlling! And now the worst has happened... she has apparantly been kicked out of her house so she has moved into Karls house! She said her dad wouldnt let her go live with him so she has to stay at Karls house now. All this is a lie, she hasn;t even been kicked out of her house, and I know if she had her dad would let her stay with him. She has made it all up so she can stay with Simon and keep a close eye on him. It's really p***ed me off because when I had family problems, Karls mum wouldn't let me stay, but she has welcomed Jess with open arms! I know this is because Jess makes stuff up about me to Karls mum, so that she will only like Jess. I can't stand being with her all the time! I cant go anywere else but my boyfriends house, as he and Simon are very close, and are aways playing on the playstation together. Also, I have pet rats at Karls house that I can't bear to stay away from. Karl and Simon share a room, and me and Karl are not allowed to sit downstairs with his mum and Ian. This is becasue Ian, (his mums boyfriend) doesnt like Karl. He doesn't like him because he is at uni and doesnt have a job yet, so doesnt pay board money every month. Karl gets a student loan every 3 months and gives him mum £300 out of every loan he gets so he DOES pay his way. It also winds me up because it is one set of rules for Karl and another for Simon. For example: Simon can smoke in the house, Karl cant. Simon can have friends in, Karl cant, Simon doesnt have to do any house work, Karl has to do it all. Its the classic Cindarella story. Now Im starting to get really frustrated! I can't stand being in the same room as that stupid cow every night, but it will be at least another year before me and Karl have a place of our own... Its starting to really depress me, and me and Karl always end up arguing about something that Jess has said or done. She is pushing us apart and she is turning his family against me. I don't know what to do, Im gonna flip soon and then I will end up saying something to Jess, or even get violent with her ( I know violence isn't the answer but I suffered from anger management issues afew years ago and, although Im ok now, can still fly into rages when something really winds me up). I dont trust myself because once I get angry I wont care what I do to her, and I will end up doing something bad. I dont want to, as I know it will just cause more arguments with Karl and give his mum even more of a reason to hate me. I cant stand being near Jess but the only way of getting away from her is to sacrifice my relationship with Karl, and thats the last thing I want to do. Please help me someone, I feel like she is ruining my life, she is pushing me and Karl apart and she is turning his family against me. Someone please help before I do something drastic, Im at the end of my tether, I have felt like this for 3 years and the pressure is building, it won't be long before I blow. Please someone, give me some advice!

Edited by Snail: no swearing please, even when directly quoting what someone has said. Thanks.
Last edited by snail on Mon Oct 05, 2009 12:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: swearing

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Re: Problem with boyfriends brothers girlfriend, long, sorry!

Post by snail » Mon Oct 05, 2009 12:31 pm

Bexxi, it's usually easier for people to understand your problem and answer you if you keep to one thread. I think your opening post in this thread is the most informative, so I'm transferring your replies from the other thread over. Remember a lot of people are busy on a Monday morning, so you may get more replies in a while.
Bexxi wrote:OK, well heres the thing... My boyfriends brother is going out with a complete psychopath! She lives directly over the road from my boyfriends house, and is completely obsessed with it! While her boyfriend is at work she sits in the window all day staring at the house, she even sometimes comes over just to see what we are doing in there. Shes a liar too, she lied to us about her friend being raped and killed by her ex boyfriend, she lied about being dragged into a van by 5 men, she lied to my boyfriends mum about me, saying that I was using him for his car and his money (we have been very happily together for nearly 3 years, I am NOT using him!) telling her I am a slag, that i will leave him when I get all I can out of him. That has made my boyfriends mum abit funny with me. Now she has started copying everything I do, wear, eat or whatever. Anything I have, she goes and gets it. I know that her copying me isn't a big deal but it's really winding me up. She is totally obsessed with Sie, my boyfriends brother, ringing him 24 hours a day, reading his texts, checking his phone, telling him what he can and cant do... he never has a minute without her being there and shouting and nagging at him. He has even told me he doesnt even love her, but that he wont leave her 'cos she's told him she'll kill herself (his dad committed suicide about 6 years ago, so it is a very harsh thing to threaten him with). And now the worst thing has happened... she has (apparantly) been kicked out of her house, and she has nowhere else to go (Its all a lie, her dad said she could live with him, and her mum didnt even kick her out) so she is now living with my boyfriend and his brother at their house. My boyfriend is fuming because we all know its made up, even her own boyfriend knows shes lying! She has only done it so she can keep a close eye on Sie and see what he is up to every minute of the day. My boyfriends mum knows what she is like, but still favours her over me and has told her to stay with them for as long as she wants, but when I had family problems she wouldnt let me stay with them. I feel like she is turning his whole family against me, and its so frustrating because its her that is the liar! I have never done anything wrong to my boyfriends parents, but they seem to look down at me and listen to everything she says, even though they know shes a liar. Me and my boyfriend will hopefully have a place by next year but Im honestly at the end of my tether here. I cant cope another year having to sit in the same room as HER... I hate her, I can't stand the girl, and its making me and my boyfriend argue, as Im always getting annoyed about something she has done. I cant stand being near her all the time and its really starting to depress me. It seems like the only way I can get away from her now is to sacrifice my relationship, but I love my boyfriend so much. I cant bear to be without my boyfriend but I feel as though she is pushing us apart, and turning his family on me. What should I do? I really need advice before I flip!
dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:Can your boyfriend not have a word with his familiy and say that she is the liar; to be honest if he won't say anything to them then you saying it won't do much really. Are there alternative places you could see your boyfriend?
Bexxi wrote:Hey, well not really, as my boyfriend and his brother are very close and spend alot of time together, unfortunatly with her too. Also, we keep pet rats and I wouldn't be able to see them if I don't go to my boyfriends house. His family won't listen... His mum's boyfriend has a major problem with my boyfriend (long story... it's because my boyfriend is at uni studying to be a teacher, and doesn't have a job because it is a full time course. He doesn't earn any money so can't pay board and his mums boyfriend doesn't like it) and his mum favours his brother over him. Its one set of rules for my boyfriend and another set of rules for his brother (example: My boyfriend is not allowed to have any friends in the house, his brother is allowed anyone in, my boyfriends not allowed to smoke in the house, his brother is...) My boyfriend is 23 and only has this year left at uni before he quaifies, then we can get our own place, I just don't know what to do until that happens because I really can't stand this girl, she's a liar and a control freak, and I know that she makes stuff up about me to tell my boyfriends mum. Its upsetting because Im not a bad person. I have spent two years studying animal care and am currently working as a care assistant, Im a loving and caring person, and nothing like she is making me out to be! I think she can be abit jealous of me at times, as me and my boyfriend love each other very much and are very happy together, whereas her and her boyfriend are constantly arguing, and he calls her all sorts of names like fat cow and tells her to shove off all the time (can you blame him!?) Also... abut half a year ago it came out that her boyfriend had been sleeping with her sister, she found out about it and hasnt left him, just gone on an even worse power trip with him. He doesn't care about her at all, he has told me that he doesn't love her and that he is just with her because she earns about £800 a month (which is all spent on him to keep him sweet). I know I can't split them up, but its frustrating to see it. My boyfriends brother is one of my best friends and I hate to see him so angry all the time. When she is around he's an aful person, wont speak to me or have a laugh with us, but as soon as she isn't there he's back to his old self, laughing and talking to us... I feel like this girl is realy ruining my life. I havent spoken to her since I found out she was moving to my boyfriends off because it has really wound me up, but she keeps trying to talk to me. Sooner or later my head will go and Ill end up saying some nasty things to her, or maybe even get violent (I used to have bad anger management issues, its not as bad now but if she winds me up enough I'll flip and I wont be able to stop myself). What can I do? I know that if I end up saying something to her, my boyfriends mum will prbably ban me from gong to the house, but if I hold my tongue about it Im afraid Im going to do myself harm mentally... She is making my life and everyone elses a misery. I dont understand why my boyfriends mum loves her so much. What can i do?
dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:If your boyfriends mam and her boyfriend won't do anything about it, and her boyfriend wont then there isn't anything you can do; it is their house at the end of the day. I understand where you are coming from I just don't know what options you have, except maybe have your boyfriend over at yours?
Bel Bel wrote:By allowing her to wind you up you are letting her win and have power over you
Try to look upon her as the sad and obviously metnally ill person she probably is
Dipsy is right it is your b/f's mums house and you can't change that
Eventually her mum will see her for what she is if she hasn't already
Just remember you will be free of her in time just hang in there until that happensHave you tried to be nice to her to see if that helps. I know it's not what you want but she may calm down if she thinks you are on her side and not against her
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian

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