Concerned About My Sister-in-Law

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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby rufio89 » Mon Jul 20, 2009 1:51 pm

That's awful Serendipity, I'm so sorry things are so awful for you at the moment.

I dont know how I can help but if you need ANYTHING, then send me a PM and you know we're ALL here for you.
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby RagDoll » Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:19 pm

Oh no, sorry to hear your horrible news :( the timing is awful - I know it'd be horrible news regardless, but he doesn't sound in the best of places mentally to deal with such news. I hope you're both holding up as well as can be expected!

Please remember to look after yourself too - it's not all about your boyfriend, his family etc. (I mean that in the nicest way possible!), try and make sure you still have time for yourself/to do things you enjoy and so forth.
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jul 20, 2009 2:45 pm

you really are having a tough time
Your ister in law could press charges if she wants to get her husband out, she shouldn't have to be the one to leave her own home. Perhaps she could see citizens advice about how to get an injuction

So just to get this right your sister in law (i'll call her sue) was in her mums bed (i'll call her anne) and grandaad (dave) was pleasuring himself in anne's draw? Have I got that right? Your b/f knows so does that mean anne knows. And was Dave confronted?

I agree with ragdoll however that you must concentrate first and foremost on yourself and then your b/f
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:23 pm

Unless they can prove he was staying there I am not sure what benefits could do, it would be her word against his and she can just say that he is doing it becasue she got him in trouble with the police
either way is she going to allow him to blackmail her, forever, the longer he lives there the worse it will get
She can also claim he came and refuses to leave, forced himself on her, not that she was a willing participant
I suggests she is better taking her chances on a fine than putting up with him
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:07 pm

Oh my, what a terrible few weeks you have been having. I don't hace anything to add except make sure that you are ok first and foremost.
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby RagDoll » Fri Jul 24, 2009 2:11 pm

Hooray and good riddance!!
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby rufio89 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 2:51 pm

She has said that she misses him especially at night, and that that is the worst time for her.


Other people might find this a bit weird and she might have someone to have this option with, but I found it really hard to sleep on my own when I split up with my boyfriend and I kept wanting to call him when I went to bed, so my friend stayed over a few nights a week for a while so I had someone to cuddle up with. It wasnt the same, obviously, but it did make it easier.
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:11 pm

Aww Ruth it seems like you have a really nice friend there.

Serendipity, I think you've given your friend good advice so far.
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby rufio89 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:13 pm

Shes a bit temperamental but when she's on form she is the greatest friend in the whole world.
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:22 pm

rufio89 wrote:Shes a bit temperamental but when she's on form she is the greatest friend in the whole world.


I think Ruth that you typed that wrong...you meant to say..."Shes a bit temperamental but when she's on form she is the greatest friend in the whole world after all the PP people" hehehe [-o<
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:09 am

I agree it's too soon. Surely she should know that she can do things when she wants rather than when everyone else wants her to. If she takes things slow and sorts herself and the kids out first, then that is the most important thing.
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby ennis81 » Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:40 am

It is too soon in my opinion she needs time to heal, but shes probably feeling very low and vunerable at the moment, maybe she can't stand to be on her own and feels protected by the new bloke. If you say anything be very careful about how you approach this
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:23 am

Just have a chat with her and tell her to make sure she does things at her pace. Don't slag him off as that will make her defensive but tell her you agree it's too soon to be thinking about what to do next (divorce etc) and make sure she doesn't jump too soon into living with this other guy as she needs to be sure it's what she wants. Just keep making her feel it all her choice what she wants to do and nobody should make her feel like she has to do anything. Hopefully she will feel strong and empowered and like she is the boss. Remind her that she has her life back and it would be a shame to jump straight back into something serious.
Remind her the kids would be better off with a bit of routine as they have had an emotional time, but be careful not to out her paretning skills down. Praise her up in fact to disguise the fact your actually trying to tell her what to do
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Re: He says he's depressed and he's not sure about us anymore

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Aug 14, 2009 11:08 am

If she is worried about the kids but some suppernanny dvds becasue they will not only give her some techniques to use but she will get the message that her behaviour and inconsistency will have an effect on the kids
You can say you know she is having trouble and as you don't have the answer you thought these would help
Offer to sit and watch them with her and help impliment some of the ideas
You will then be able to refer back to things you have watched together to help cement some ideas in her head
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Re: Concerned About My Sister-in-Law

Postby Skarlet » Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:21 pm

Hi Serendipity,

Congratulations on the wedding.. I am really pleased for you.

It sounds like your sister in law is a really unhappy woman who needs attention from the man in her life- even if it is bad attention. Have socialworkers got involved with her case, as the man seems very dangerous. I can understand why you would want to stop contact but try and keep a door open- for the kids as much as anything.

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