11 yr old who thinks he's 30

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imp
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11 yr old who thinks he's 30

Post by imp » Tue Dec 13, 2005 12:30 am

Well guys id be very greatfull if any one can give me a helping hand here, my 11yr old has just start'd high school, and allready he's had numorouse detentions and after school detentions he's allso been chucked off the school bus last thursday, but the biggest shock came when i got called into school coz he was bullying...sausage shock horror as i was bullyd when i went threw school and i detest bullys, he's been bullyd him self so he knows what if feels like, he's gone from a caering sweet child to someone who's not botherd what he does, iv grounded him taken away all his privloges, stopped his pocket money and iv tryd chatting to him till im blue in the face, and still no joy :cry: i dont know what else i can do, the school run some type of points scheme that if you'r good you get plus points for homeqwork , behavioure and tidyness but if you'r not up to standard you get minuse points, and his head of year clearly pointed out that he's on the frindge of being suspended threw all these minuse points hes gradualy building up, he's only been in the school since september,iv gone threw the normal questions of if he's finding the work hard or if he's struggeling in certain subjects, or even if he's happy in the school and he says everything is fine,if he was getting bullyd i could do something and i 'd find a solution but with him being the bully i dont know how to deal with it...any surgestions or help would be very appreciated.. many thanks imp #-o
if ya cant have it tough!

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LICKLELEA
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Post by LICKLELEA » Tue Dec 13, 2005 11:59 am

This must be a very distressing time for you.

It seems to me that you're son has mixed in with 'the wrong crowd' just as my brother did - granted he was a few years older when he mucked his school life up but I think the only thing you can do is to see if he can pick himself back up.

Is he depressed at all, does he mention any friends at school? Have you met any of his friends?

If it carries on I definately think I would at least threaten to change schools and that might give him the kick up the backside he needs.

I think you and the school are doing everything right, if they have a scheme to make people try and do well thats a good thing and maybe you could try and incorporate this at home? Is there something he really wants (like a computer game) could you try and get him to earn it?

I would like to stress that he is only young being 11 and all and it could well be a phase but don't let this behaviour go unnoticed he has to learn in case it gets worse.

I really feel for you and I hope I've helped in some little way xx

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Post by Jo troupette » Thu Dec 14, 2006 10:41 pm

Hey hey,

I don't know if I caqn help but I'll give you my view, from a 14yr old's point of view!

My Schooling has always treated me very well. I am lucky and have never really struggled with any aspects of school. I have never been bullied, but witnessed it enough times, as I'm sure we all have. I agree, that it's great that you are showing him that it is not acceptable, however ~ this is where the 14 yr old coms into it! ~

Sometimes, I find, using threats or consequences can end up in a little rut, and if your son is hearing do this or this will happen from one person, and a different thrat from another about a different thing, then I'm sure every living person on the planet would find it hard to keep up with all the threats! Also, because he hasbee reported as a "bully" he can't be that bothered about the threats and consequences. So, when you get into that rut where dealines are not being reached and threats aren't threatening, you need a changeof technique. here's what I suggest. Why not focus more on the positives. Why not make him earn that Computer Game like LICKLELEA said. Why not, instead of nagging at him about his detentions etc, like all the teachers must do at school, try urging him to do something that realy makes him feel good. I dont know, but I imagine he's got quite comfy in the role of the one who can boss around etc. and it's now time, you need to make him see a different side of him. Would he not want to try making you happy? I know it sounds quite imature, but could you not ask for a cup of tea before you get out of bed in a morning? And then just say thanks but mean it, so act like you're treating him as an adult, as that's what he'll want right now. He's trying to show people that he's the one incharge, he's the oldest, meanest, whatever-est. If you show him that he can get that in diferent ways, that negative attention can be positive attention, then that will be the start.

Try not to nag at him on and on, because his eventually has no effect, because it's "normal." Try showing him your disappointment when you hear his detentions. As for the minus points, perhaps, when you start getting things on an upward stream ~ which I'm sure you will! :-) ~ you could maybe discuss wiping them clean, and starting a resh, if you know he'll comitt, and if it wll help him. It's things like that that can build up on a child that age, where there's enough pressure already! And having that 2nd and final chace can just be what they need to get back on track again. It can also be thir final chance that they ca screw up if theyre not yet ready for it.

I'm sure it'll all sort out soon enough.
I hope I have helped! :-S Make him feel like a respected adult, though.

Chin up!
xoxox
Jo

P.S mum and son days out never go a miss!!! Sorry it's so long!
We have two ears, one for hearing and one for actually listening. Remember, chin up and just keep smiling! :-)

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Post by malevolent_creation » Wed Mar 21, 2007 7:38 pm

i'm only 19, so i'm sorry i'm not another parent who can offer you advice from the same level.

i know the high school does change children but for me it didn't turn me into a bully.

anyway, i'm very much into scuba diving. at my local club, another girls parents said 'oh, when she gets into trouble, we say 'no diving for 2 weeks' and now she never gets into trouble.'

so what i mean is, find something he really loves and as passionate about. if he has any autographs of famous people he admires, tell them you'll bin them, if he has any treasured toys or posters or anything in his room, tell him you'll send them to a chairty shop - UNLESS HE IMPREOVES IN SCHOOL. if he does treasure them enough, he should sort himself out.

if he carries on, he'll end up being expelled and now i'm at uni, it's now i realise how important high school is to determining the rest of your life. maybe he doesn't realise that yet.

i hope this helps

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dex
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Re: 11 yr old who thinks he's 30

Post by dex » Sat Jan 03, 2009 8:27 pm

I think the bullying think could be an act of defence.

He could be acting that way so the other kids wont pick on him because they think he's tough.

Thats the way my Dad got through High School.

May you should just talk to him instead of yelling at him. Make sure he knows that he can talk to you about School and thing that are bothering. You may get more out of him that way.

I've been a bit of a problematic child and I think I would've respected my parents and told them more if thats the way they did things.

~
Unwaith eto, mae broblem genyf fi.

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Re: 11 yr old who thinks he's 30

Post by Moose » Sat Jan 03, 2009 8:38 pm

Please note this problem was posted in 2005 so hopefully is sorted now.

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