Would like a baby

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Would like a baby

Post by samz » Tue Mar 02, 2004 1:46 pm

:roll: hi im only 16 but i really want a baby my friend had a baby about 3 months ago but even before she had her baby i wanted one i dont konw wat to do since i was 7 i have looked after babys my sisters and brothers. my fiance dont want any yet but i feel depressed when i think about babys help me what can i do please luv samz[color=red][/color]
:)sammy loves u so help me out guys i love to chat about anything xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Post by worstfriend » Tue Mar 02, 2004 3:46 pm

Wanting a baby is actually quite natural, it means your hormones are working properly. The need to procreate is something which all animals have, and it ensures survival of species, but humans are not just animals and we have free will. Having a baby is a massive, massive commitment.

Your fiance doesn't want a baby and it is his choice just as much as it is yours (imagine how you would feel if he decided you had to have a child when you didn't want one). You need to both be 100% into the idea of having a baby before you take steps to become pregnant.

Think what having a baby would really mean....

Just to start with if you got pregnant you would have to look at what you eat, what you drink, what you smoke, what vitamins you take and what you do for fun, and possibly have to change just about everything. You would throw up, gain alot of weight, and be unable to take part in certain sports for a good part of your pregnancy. WHen your friends are out having fun, you would be stuck in the house, getting ready for the baby.

Once the baby comes, it will need a whole other bunch of stuff.
A baby needs a loving family, ideally with 2 parents so that no-one is having to do all the work.
A baby needs a secure place to live, with proper heating and no risk of the ammenities (electricity, gas etc.) being cut off.
A baby needs 24 hour care, not just of it's physical needs but of its emotional and mental needs as well, when a baby starts crawling you need eyes in the back of your head, and when they start talking you can't just tell them to "shut-up" when they've been asking "but why?" for the last four hours, non-stop. If a baby is scared, hurt, tired, hungry, thirsty, wet or soiled it needs attention, no matter how tired or busy you are.
A baby needs to be kept safe, you can't go out without your baby and leave it alone, and you can't just 'pop' out with a baby, as going somewhere with a baby requires alot of organisation and equipment.

A baby needs love all the time, constant resurrance, and constant attention. A baby is like the needyest friend you have X 100.

It's very hard when you want a baby when the time isn't right, i know, but you have to tell yourself that by waiting, you are doing the best possible thing you can for your child. You can buy cots and nappies and bottles and formula, but you can't buy patience or experience.

Babies are soon children. You might want a baby now, but do you want to be arguing with a teenager in 13 years? Do you want to be doing school runs in 5 years?

Maybe you could babysit other people's kids, not just members of your family. Advertise yourself in local shops etc. as a babysitter. That way you can gain experience while making a bit of money and spending time with children. If you already feel confident with "normal" children, why not volunteer to help care for disabled or ill children and gain experience there as well?

Remember that usually when you babysit, the parents leave a number you can call in emergencies. When it's your own baby, this will be your number, no-one will take responsibility from you, the buck will stop with you and your fiance.

Try this experiment - set your alarm for 6.30am. Get up then, even though you don't need to - if you had a baby you'd have stuff to do then. If you can cope with this 7 days a week try this one - go to bed at 10pm, and set your alarm for midnight, 2am, 4.30am and then 6.30am. Each time your alarm goes off get up and sit somewhere other than your bed for at least half an hour, before going back to bed. Then at 6.30am get up as usual and stay up all day. If you do all this and can still cope, do it on a school/work night, where you have to be alert the next day. Try doing it for two weeks. If you have a baby you may well go through this kind of sleep deprivation for 3 months or more.

Also take up sports and such that you couldn't do if you were pregnant - horse-riding is a good one, or snow-boarding or skiing.

All of these things might help put you off having a baby until your fiance is ready.

There's no harm in wanting a baby, just as long as you keep wanting until you and your fiance are 100% ready for a child and are in a good financial position to support a family.

Hope this helps

Good luck


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Post by saz » Fri Mar 05, 2004 7:48 am

Having a baby is one of the hardest and most life changing things you can ever do, from experience of having an 18 month old and one on the way. I am 23 and find it hard to cope sometimes.

I also like looking after someone elses children because they often behave for other people, smile and play and then you can give them back. When you are at home on your own with your own child who is screaming, kicking and biting you about having their nappy on, or refusing to eat their food it is very frustrating. Children behave totally differently for their parents and take out all their frustration and anger on them.

I cant go out anywhere really, even shopping in the supermarket can be a nightmare. Clearing up all the mess all day long is boring and annoying, having no money for yourself is also horrible. I worry all the time about her hurting herself, eating something dangerous or falling downstairs or something.

My typical day:

Up at 6.45 to wash up bottles/cups
7am give baby drink
clear up house while baby playing
8.30 breakfast - baby refuses to eat and throws it everywhere
9am -12 still tidying up house, seeing to baby etc
12.30 lunchtime - takes 1 hour for her to eat food, mess everywhere
1.30 - finally get dressed while baby asleep and clear up again
2.30 - maybe go to shops, baby plays up while there go home forgetting most of what you wanted
3.30 - play with baby while trying to sort out bills/money
5pm spend an hour cooking a dinner that they refuse to eat, kitchen a mess again
7pm give baby bath, massive tantrum about getting dressed then bed. Cries for 30 mins on and off up and down the stairs putting dummy back in
8.30pm get to eat your dinner finally
3am baby screaming, get up and put them in your bed
5am baby finally goes to sleep after kicking you and pulling your hair
5.30 partner gets up for work, waking up the baby try to get them back to sleep in own bed.

Then it starts again....

I thought that my mum would be able to look after the baby, but she wont go with anyone else at night which makes going out totally impossible really.

It is nice to feel needed by a child but as a parent most of the time it feels like they hate you because you are always telling them off. Your fiance is right to wait because they are such a big life change. I love my daughter but i am glad i waited until i was a bit older i dont think i would have coped as a teenager. Would you have anywhere to live or any money? I dont want to put you off, just want you to see that it is like a very hard full time job, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with no break.

WF's suggestion of working with kids is a good one, then you get all the nice bits and none of the horrible parts. You could go to college and get some qualifications in childcare, be a nursery nurse or nanny, and get paid to look after other peoples kids! Go for it and dont tie yourself down yet you have your whole life ahead of you.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being

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Post by RavenFire » Fri Mar 19, 2004 9:29 pm

I think its actually very common for people to want children at your age, I know I certainly did, however, its very difficult also at that age to know what really goes in to look after a child and how they alter your life.

I had my first daughter pretty young and didnt realise what hard work it was, how tiring and time consuming and how much it would change everything that I did. The idea is lovely but the reality is that its hardwork bringing up a child/

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