Advice needed

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Advice needed

Postby Miniegg » Wed Oct 15, 2014 2:04 pm

My brothers son was brought up by my mother until she became ill 5 years ago when he came to live with my family aged 13. My mum died 3 years ago and he has been in our care without any involvement from social work since. During that period he has also been diagnosed with Aspergers but receives no help or advice on this. My problem is that he makes family life very uncomfortable. His behaviours make it intolerable for our daughter to be around him at all - he tells lies all the time - lies that are very obvious; for example that he has been picked out the crowd at a gig to be the guitarist because the original one fell sick; that he got stopped in the street and asked to be in a photo shoot as a model, things like that as well as smaller lies. He has also stolen things from her room - for example her glasses, which he then posed on Facebook with and pretended they were his own ( he doesn't have glasses). When confronted he'll deny point blank or say 'I don't know' when asked why he does/doesn't do things. He also talks incessantly - only about himself and no matter how often I try and get him to stop he won't.
So my daughter (16) refuses to come out of her room when he is in the house. I feel I am missing out on her through no fault of her own and really struggle with my nephew. The situation in our house is that we all tend to go to our own rooms as if we are in the 'family area' he will constantly interrupt if you are trying to watch TV or read a book, bring his guitar out to show his new songs, tell you about what has happened in his imaginary life. I can't see that he will ever be able to live independently and worry that I am going to have him live with me for ever. I know this sounds as if I'm a bad person but it is not what I signed up for. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer she asked me to look after him and as the only alternative would have been for him to go into care I agreed. I did not understand the effect it would have on my own family though and particularly my daughter. We can't go out for a family meal because she won't come if he is there because there is no point - no one else gets a word in and he shows off in public places. Her bedroom is adjacent to his and if she has friends over he will always turn his guitar up really loud or sing just to make himself the centre of attention. If she goes into the family room he will invariably wander through several times - always with his top off so people can see the ridiculous amount if piercings he has. (He refuses to listen to reason about this and can't wait till he turns 18 and can have tattoos)
It has got to the stage where I find it difficult to be around him myself, I am constantly hoping he won't be in when I'm home from work and have rearranged my days off because they coincided with his days off college.
I have nobody to turn to, social work etc are not interested because he has a home, his own parents are worthless pieces of scum who don't even send him a card at Christmas. He will be 18 this year. Any advice appreciated as I am at the end of my tether.
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Re: Advice needed

Postby flashcampbell » Thu Oct 16, 2014 9:19 am

that sounds really difficult situation to be in. have you tried contacting young minds they might be able to give you some advice
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Re: Advice needed

Postby snail » Thu Oct 16, 2014 9:53 am

I feel so sorry for all of you. Can the National Autistic Society (autism.org) give you any help or advice? Is he managing college OK then - what does he do differently there do you think?
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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