8 year old "step"daughter

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8 year old "step"daughter

Postby boaz » Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:11 am

My partner has four children, aged 2,5,8 and 9. Her 8year old daughter assaulted her last night, causing bruising to her eyes and arms. She had been playing normally and had a settled day before the assault. She had spoken to her dad on the phone earlier and then her friend, after that....which is when she 'flipped'.
My partner has confessed that she has done this before, only that I've never been witness to it (we don't live together). My partner sent her daughter to her room, at which the daughter shouted downstairs "You've been bullied before, so I'm going to do the same!!" (my partner has had two previous relationships where she's been physically abused - one of those relationships being with the girls father).

I'm livid, angry...but I know that the girl must have issues. I don't feel that I can look her in the face at the moment. If she's witnessed her mum being beaten in the past, why would she want to put her through it all again?

What's the best thing to do from here? I don't want to progress to living together, where my own son (9) might visit and be witness to a child assaulting their mum! :(
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Re: 8 year old "step"daughter

Postby snail » Sun Jan 20, 2013 7:35 pm

Well, I think you're being sensible by not agreeing to live together until this issue is dealt with, but beyond that I don't think there's anything you can do. This is between the child and her mother. All you could do is support your partner in whatever decisions she makes.
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Re: 8 year old "step"daughter

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jan 21, 2013 1:59 pm

I agree with Snail but would suggest the mother seek help from professionals. If she is acting out like this at age 8 what on earth will she be like at 13 if this behaviour is not addressed. Also the younger siblings may start to copy.
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Re: 8 year old "step"daughter

Postby retrochav » Fri Feb 22, 2013 12:45 am

The previous two posts make great sense.

Both your partner and her daughter need counselling before this gets serious. Seeing domestic violence seems to have one of three outcomes on children. They might become vulnerable to abusive partners, they might become abusers, or they may resolve to reject all they've seen and seek a different pattern. Obviously we all want children to break the cycle. To do this sometimes help is needed.

The daughter may feel anger at her mother for not protecting her. Who knows what she herself suffered at the hands of abusive partners. It must be resolved before it develops into something worse.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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