Don't Know WHAT to do!! I feel so confused and lost! :(

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Don't Know WHAT to do!! I feel so confused and lost! :(

Postby JadensMummy » Fri Apr 22, 2011 5:07 pm

Ok so it startssssssss...10 months ago.

I had this FRIEND who i got on with really well, could talk to about ANYTHING and always had amazing banter with. 39 yr old. Bouncer on the street where i used to PR. I get a night off and go to my sisters 30th night out. It was going to cost me nearly £30 for a taxi home so he offered to come and collect me and drop me home when he'd finished work. And he did! I was VERY DRUNK! I remember dropping my friend off at home, then the next thing I remember is falling in his house, having a drink, and I woke up in the morning. Deed done. And that is my recollection of how the night ended. Never been so drunk in my life! :(
I woke up with a bad eye infection also, and had to go to hospital. I was diagnosed with "Traumatic Conjunctivitis" and if I recall - "Bruised eyes"?
I was pretty much BLIND. I was so upset and scared.

I went home with eye drops and it took 4 days to get my eyesight back to normal and another 2 days before I actually sat and thought..."Oh my god - I slept with him!"
And too late for any emergency contraception. :( !

So!! I soon stop worrying when I take a period a few days later.
But 8weeks later...i start to feel a bit unwell, and start feeling really bloated and sick all the time. So I take a pregnancy test and yes, it was positive.

So after I've calmed myself down and got my head round it, the next night at work, I pull him to one side and tell him.
I never heard from him for over a week and he practically blanked me at work.

SO when I go for a scan, and given a rough date of conception, I know It is his baby. Which I knew anyway because I hadn't slept with anyone else in nearly 2 months and when I did I'd had the morning after pill!

He finally contacts me and denies it is his child, wants nothing to do with his/her upbringing but wanted a DNA test and if 100% accurate , would pay child support.
This upset me so I told him to shove his money and we cut contact.

We did speak one more time, a week before I had the baby, and I told him he could have his DNA test and I would take the child support but if he didnt want anything to do with the baby that was fine, his choice, his loss.

I text him the day after my son was born and told him weight etc and when did he want to do the test.
"I dont have the money"

I seen him last week driving a brand new car.
Funny eh?

Now my son is just over a month old and Im getting nasty texts saying I'm apparently "bad mouthing" him and running his name into the ground!? No one bar my mum and 2 best friends know who the dad actually is and even at that, they havent told a soul and this I know for certain.

I have texts saying I'm not fit to be a mother and he's going to make my life hell for bad mouthing him. He is getting a court order for a DNA test and going for full custody because I'm "incapable" of looking after a small child, never mind myself.

So he denies his son for 10 MONTHS then this is all out the blue.
I don't understand and dont know what to do?
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Re: Don't Know WHAT to do!! I feel so confused and lost! :(

Postby snail » Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:24 am

It sounds as though he's having trouble dealing with the situation and is taking out his anger in various ways. I wouldn't worry about the custody - he has no chance of getting this. I would ignore all texts etc, so as not to inflame the situation, and deal with him through official legal channels only - e.g. child support agency. After a while he'll probably calm down and accept things. There are people on here with children who may be able to give you better advice than me.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Don't Know WHAT to do!! I feel so confused and lost! :(

Postby Ticktock » Tue Apr 26, 2011 1:07 am

I think you need to make a decision over where you want the father of your child to fit into your life.

The possible good thing is that you at least start from having a friendship with this man, which is better than many unexpected mothers start!

First block his txt's, he is angry and confused and you need to talk face to face, this constant barrage of paranoia isn't going to help you make rational long term decisions.

Write him a letter and arrange to meet at a neutral public location, have your mum or friends nearby if he is stupid enough to kick off...

Do you want him just for the child support? In his position I would feel used as well, or are you just angry because he isn't overjoyed at the bombshell you have just dropped in his well organised life. Give him another chance to be involved and it can only be for your benefit.
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Re: Don't Know WHAT to do!! I feel so confused and lost! :(

Postby JadensMummy » Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:37 pm

To be honest, at first, I did want him involved. But after everything he's said, and now also threatened me with.
I've offered to meet him in the past and had it thrown in my face.

No idea what to think or feel right now x
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Re: Don't Know WHAT to do!! I feel so confused and lost! :(

Postby Ticktock » Wed Apr 27, 2011 12:28 am

I do sympathise, and you wouldn't have chosen this bloke if choice was even an option at the time.

You now have a kid, that is with you for life, it will affect everything you do and are, you can wave bye bye to the evenings of being blind drunk, although that may not be a bad thing :roll:

No-one would suggest setting up a happy home with him, but sharing childcare with him would make things so much easier for you in the long term. rubbish potential boyfriends can still make good dads.

Look at it this way, at some point in the future your child will ask you about their dad, you really need to be able to say to them that you tried your best for him to be involved. If he is still dicking you around in a few months time then sic the CSA on him (although as a bouncer you may be disappointed on the amount you get, lots of cash in hand in that game) but always leave the door open for him to be involved. If nothing else it will pull the fire out of any threats to go for custody...
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