by ILoveChristmas » Fri Nov 12, 2010 2:42 pm
Hi there,
I think in this case honesty is the best policy and it will help to get things out into the open as quickly as possible. I imagine you may want your step children to play a part in, or at least attend, your wedding and telling them sooner rather than later will give your eldest step-daughter time to come to terms with how things are.
My suggestion would be to arrange a family meal at your house for you and the three step-children during which you can raise the subject of how you and your new partner are considering getting married. It might be wise to approach the situation along the lines of "what would you feel about..." rather than "we are going to", that way you can get their thoughts on the matter without them feeling like it's a foregone conclusion.
In some ways you've already done the hardest part; the step-children already know you have someone new in your life. Getting married is of course a big step, but in my view the initial realisation that you have another woman in your life would have been the bigger 'shock'.
"Step children" is, in this case, also a bit of a misnomer because none of them are children, and I think you therefore have the right to expect them to handle the situation with some maturity. It's not an adolescent teen who's getting the news afterall.
Above all be honest with them and clear about your intentions. If you do decide to have them round to discuss it, I wouldn't do it with your new partner present.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.
The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick