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My new wife dislikes my 22 year old son who lives with us...

Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 8:30 pm
by PeteMarsh
My son and I have lived together for 4 years. He is now 22. He doesn't get on with his mother. My girlfriend and her now 9 year old daughter moved in 2 years ago and we married earlier this year. I'm very happy!

At first my wife and son got on well very well indeed. They now don't get on and don't even speak - she thinks he's lazy and untidy (she has OCD - no she really does). He very really comes home only to shower and get changed (he pays me board) He works shifts and works hard.

They have rows where she starts on at him shouting and swearing about him being lazy/untidy and trating the house like a hotel - yes he is lazy at home but he's also my son and I love him.

The atmosphere is awful. My wife wants him out and has said so - reality is he can't afford to go and I'm sure would if he could.
It really gets me down - Any advice?????

Re: My new wife dislikes my 22 year old son who lives with u

Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:37 pm
by spacegirl
It sounds like your wife is being a bit unfair, would she treat him like this if he were her own son? At the end of the day he pays board, he works hard and isn't freeloading off you and your wife. maybe if they compromised - perhaps came to an agreement whereby if he promised to confine his mess to his room and she agreed to stay out of there, they could avoid each other. It's a bit drastic to have him mve out, it's his home as much as hers and she would only be causing a rift between you and your son. Is that the only disagreement they have?

Re: My new wife dislikes my 22 year old son who lives with u

Posted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:51 pm
by dipsydoodlenoodle
She should be supporting him as well; you support her daughter - it is the same principle. He is your family so therefore he should be her family.

Have you had a chat with her about how it's making you feel? Say you dont want him to move out?

EDIT: You should also talk to your son about it as well; as if he is forced to move out then he'll think you've chosen her over him when that may not be the case.

Re: My new wife dislikes my 22 year old son who lives with u

Posted: Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:56 pm
by Bel Bel
I think some sort of family conselling would be best so you all get to air your views and have a fair judge to decided how to move forward.
Your son should do some chores even though he pays keep he is part of the household.
Make a list of jobs and the days you require them done by
You need to support you wife in this aspect and then tell her you expect her to be more courteous if makes more effort.
At the end of the day tell her "this situation" is making you unhappy, don't blame her or him
This compromise may be enough but if not get the conselling or your marriage will fail or you will lose your son - or even both.
Time to take action