financially supporting my son

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brfc
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financially supporting my son

Post by brfc » Sat Apr 03, 2010 6:01 am

Hi guys

Right here goes. i seperated from my partner about a year ago now. we have a 3 year old son.

Now at the time he was living with his mum but due too a supposed mental illness he was taken off her by social services and placed in the care of her parents.

Ive had an arrangement too pay the ex,s bills since i left cause she was at college at the time and id said i pay the bills as a contribution too my son living in the flat and you use the money you get from familly alowence etc on him.

Now forward on a year hes living with her parents im still paying the bills on a flat that he only stays in at the weekends and im feeling that my money that should be supporting my son is being wasted paying her bills while she has now dropped out of college and sits there day in day out playing online games.

Im going too find out if her parents get any money of my ex for his keep. if not i feel the best soulotion would be too stop wasting my money on her bills but too pay her parents direct for his keep. if they dont want the money ill put it in a savings account for him.

what do you think guys :o)

brfc
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Re: financially supporting my son

Post by brfc » Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:03 am

Well asked the ex,s parents last night if they were getting any money from the ex and they said no not a penny. so shes recieving my money and other money too keep a child she doesnt have at the moment and dossing around wasting it on herself which is making my blood boil. Now heres the problem i could stop her payments and most likely she,ll get booted out the flat she lives in and my son wont have anywere too stay at weekends apart from his grandparents house. so they,d have him 7 days a week basically. or the other option im seriously considering with the help of both my parents and hers is too get custody full time of my son myself then i could afford a flat of my own and he would have a stable parent figure in his life. i could carry on working as her parents wouldnt mind having him 9-5 mon-fri and id have him evenings and weekends. hmmmm lots too think about but i know one thing my waste of space ex is not having my childs money too sit playing computer games day in day out.

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Re: financially supporting my son

Post by ILoveChristmas » Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:45 am

Hi brfc,

It makes me angry too to think that she's sitting around using your money, however tread carefully and take advice before you do anything. You need to establish who you are legally required to pay maintenance to. Is it her (as your son's mother) or is it her parents (as his guardian)?

It may be that you will have to calculate the amount that each of them should receive from you, i.e. total amount split 2/5 to cover the amount of time he spends in each place.

You are right though, your responsibility is to your son, not to your ex partner. She needs to support herself. If you were paying her what she should be receiving from you in maintenance it would not cover her to sit around at home all day.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick

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Re: financially supporting my son

Post by Bel Bel » Tue Apr 06, 2010 2:50 pm

This site should help establish what you should pay her. If a child stays less than so many days a week teh maintenance is reduced significantly
Can you have your son a couple of days to give the grandparents a break?
It isn't your responsibility to pay her bills. Make sure your give her notice of your intention don't just stop paying, a month should be sufficient

https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/ ... enance.asp
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Re: financially supporting my son

Post by brfc » Tue Apr 06, 2010 5:55 pm

hi thx for your replies

at the moment i live in temporary accomodation so he couldnt stay with me. i go round too thx ex g/f at the weekend and see him there at the moment. now if i stopped paying her bills she would make my life and the little ones a misery at the weekends when we stay moaning and stuff cause she doesnt have any money. so too avoid that id love too get full custody off him get my own place with him then me and her parents can arrange when we have him and she can still see him but mayb at her mums or something. i dont trust her with money so really i should split the money between her parents and me for the 2 days i have him at hers. then i know the moneys being spent on my son. i dont know what would happen too her but my main responsibility is too my son and want somewere stable for him too live with a responsible parent not one that sits around playing computer games 24/7 and not giving 2 hoots about him.

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Re: financially supporting my son

Post by ILoveChristmas » Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:19 am

You should be allowed to take your son out for the day at the weekend, so maybe that would be an idea to get some special time to you and your son.

So far as getting full custody goes, sadly these things tend to be biased towards the mother but as she is claiming to have a form of mental illness you might have grounds to pursue the idea. I suppose the kind of thing you need to consider though is what will happen with your son while you're at work, is there someone who can continue to care for him, like her parents?

Her parents sound like reasonable people. Is there any way for you to arrange your visits through them? I'm thinking in terms of you going round there to spend time with your son rather than having to sit in a house with a constant uneasy atmosphere. As you know, that isn't good for anyone, particularly your son.

Remember that you do have rights to seeing your son, and that time doesn't need to include your ex partner.

I also know you probably feel some sort of responsibility for her, but honestly you don't have any. Maybe there are mental issues at play that stop her from going out, getting a job and supporting herself, but it doesn't sound like it if she's well enough to sit and play games all day. Your responsibility is to your son and your son only. You're stopping yourself from building a second home for your son by giving all your money to her.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick

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Re: financially supporting my son

Post by Bel Bel » Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:11 pm

You will probably need to get some permanent accomodation sorted before you apply for any custody too.
I agree with I love Christmas that visting at her parents might be a good idea. You can tell them you are going to satrt paying them towards his keep. You don't need to tell them you are stopping her bills. Do it through the bank so you can prove to a court you have been doing it, as it will help any custody case. You could also talk to the parents about joint custody rather than getting into a big fight with them.
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Re: financially supporting my son

Post by brfc » Wed Apr 07, 2010 1:52 pm

yeah i was thinking along the lines of joint custody so that they could have him in the week like now and id have him weekends. i did notice that the social services did say that the eventual outcome was too get little one back with his mum but just being called a mum doesnt make u a fit parent. since he was born me and her parents have done everything for that child shes never once took any interest in him or took him out. i come home from work bathed him fed him put him too bed, i was a slave not a b/f basically. she sat there like she does now hooked too computer. if i said anything she,d bite my head off. no if he goes back there she,ll lose her temper and he,ll be back and forth from carers like a yoyo again. i want too sort out a semi stable homelife for him and want any money due too him going on him. her parents know what shes like so they know that he,d be better off with joint custody with me and her parents would get the money they deserve for looking after him. think ill pop too the cab and get some legal advice on this. see were i go from here

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Re: financially supporting my son

Post by Bel Bel » Fri Apr 09, 2010 12:18 pm

Let us know how you get on
Good luck
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