I'm sick to death of my kids, advice please

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Liquid Virus
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I'm sick to death of my kids, advice please

Post by Liquid Virus » Fri Jul 10, 2009 7:53 pm

I have two children - a boy who's 4 (nearly 5) and a girl (3). I work full time Mon-Fri 0730 - 1530 and at weekends my wife works both Saturday and Sunday , normal shop hours. My wife looks after them through the week and I at weekends. Obviously when I come home I am with them until bedtime (7pm -ish) as is my wife at the weekends.

My son's at school 9-3 and my daughter at pre school 9-1130.

My problem is that although I love them I am I'm sorry to say that I am sick to the back teeth of them. Its non stop fighting/crying/hitting each other/hitting us/misbehaving/things getting broke/fights over a stupid toy just because the other one has it/picking up mess only for mess to made 10 seconds later somewhere else/cheek/demands/acting stupid/spoilt selfish behavior and my wife bellowing at them with her big mouth which actually makes my eardrums rattle.

This week I spent 4 nights in a hotel on a course through work and I didn't miss them one bit.

Don't get me wrong I love them and all I want with them is a peaceful time, but the reality is it isnt like that. In fact the whole home situation is so bad I'm almost beginning to resent being here and I am strongly considering leaving, although I know I wont.

I get little time to myself and I really feel like I'm running on empty. In the early days when I used to feel like this I had enough psychological resources to help buck my spirits up, want for better things and try again, but these days I've ran out of resources.

What do I do? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Does it get easier?

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kerrie24
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Re: I'm sick to death of my kids, advice please

Post by kerrie24 » Sat Jul 11, 2009 9:11 am

Hi,well firstly can I say that sounds like most days in my house!I have a boy of 7 and girl of 3 and whilst my partner works,i do all the childcare and sometimes it is so draining.A lot of parents are feeling the same way they just wouldnt admit it.The worst thing you can do is consider leaving as
1.Why should your wife be left to deal with it?
2.you need to stick together and show them who is boss.
3.that would give them a reason to behave even worse.
You sound like your just completely worn out,would having them babysat be an option?You need couple time and you time as well as family time.Anything from a meal out to a night away if possible would be so refreshing for you.Then you need to set some rules and make sure they are stuck to.As for the mess,get them to help but dont expect kids to be tidy,they never are.The kicking/biting/fighting between themselves and others has to go.It is totally unacceptable and you can show them that by putting them in seperate rooms,taking toys away,or cancelling treats you had planned,whatever would work best.
But you also need to make a fuss and reward the good behaviour and let them know you notice not only when they are naughty.Arrange a day out,a new toy or magazine or sweets or just a star chart for when they are good/quiet/helpfull.
Talk to your wife about the changes you want to make and agree to back each other up on these things,it might take a while for them to realise you are not going to negotiate or back down but they will co-operate eventually.The only way it will get easier is if you dont let them carry on any longer the way they are cos they will get worse as they get older if you dont put a stop to it now.Good luck i hope this helps.

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Bel Bel
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Re: I'm sick to death of my kids, advice please

Post by Bel Bel » Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:44 pm

You can try lots of diffeent things but mostly you have to be consistent. However wearing it might be you can just have a "oh just today i'll drop the rules" day or even hour. Once disipline is in place it will become easier and easier to maintain than having these constant battles every day
Reward charts work well and time outs are great but initially it may be hard before it gets better as they have a pattern of bad behaviour and they will try to rebel against the disapline.
I would suggest investing in some super nanny dvd's. She is briiliant and you can watch other parents put her tecniques in place and see where the parents go wwrong. I think this would be a useful way to start
You must talk to your wife too as she needs to be on board with you and I am sure she is probably as tired as you
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DiZZeeKiD
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Re: I'm sick to death of my kids, advice please

Post by DiZZeeKiD » Wed Oct 28, 2009 1:57 pm

I feel sorry for your wife!! Not only does she have to deal with them for 5 days, while you only have them for 2, her two free days are spent working and/or listening to you moan (probably). Surely you must see that the way you raise your children determines how they will behave. You are responsible for your childrens behaviour so you need to start being a responsible parent and dealing with it - not staying away from home and threatening to move out - this will only make the situation worse and harder for your wife. I'm not surprised she shouts if she is getting no support from you!

It makes me sad when there are people who can't have children and there are people like you who are not grateful for what they have. Sure, kids are a handful and at times you might wish life was easier (dont we all!) but you chose to have children so you must accept the challenges that go with that. Its part of being a parent.

Good luck...

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Re: I'm sick to death of my kids, advice please

Post by Parker81 » Sun Nov 01, 2009 1:28 am

The key to a happy household I have found is discipline and routine.

I live with my two young sons (both under the age of five) and since I split with their father they've had a pretty straightforward consistant routine. Generally they are well behaved but I can understand that sometimes kids are a bit too much and you need some free time.

But onto the serious stuff, my suggestions:

1. Get the kids a routine.

2. Decide how you are going to discipline them, and stick to it, sometimes supernanny techinques work!

3. Find time for you/wife/kids to do constructive stuff together, kids bore easily and I've found that even though I am split from my ex husband, the boys enjoy time with both of us together.

4. Find time for you and wife to do stuff together. Even if it means paying for a childminder once a week to spend some quality time away from your children to build and strengthen your relationship, this can help create a 'unity' as such back at home.

5. Maybe most importantly, find time for yourself, and give you wife time to herself. Find a hobby, one night a week perhaps spend an hour down the gym, or swimming, something so simple can relax you and you'll feel better in the long run

I know this is only simple stuff, but basically, it's what I have used and its worked for us. I hope this helps and good luck.

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