broody-ness (lots of advice needed)

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innocent
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broody-ness (lots of advice needed)

Post by innocent » Thu Jan 15, 2009 1:15 am

i have been with my other half for three years now. i'm 19, just finished college and am working as a support worker.
i have been feeling extremeley broody the past 6 months now, i'm starting to become quite obsessive and very teary especially since this:-

i get blood tests done every 8 weeks in hospital to monitor a health condition i have.
about 3 weeks after my last blood test i got a call from a woman explaining that my last blood test had showed that i was pregnant. i had no reason to doubt the call was genuine, she sounded professional, had said my full name, had known all about my blood tests etc. i was actually delighted, i had had a 'funny feeling' all week and getting the call was a shock but great. i rushed home where i had a pregnancy test in my drawer from agggges ago, i took it and it came back negative.

i went to my local GP the next day, he took a blood test, i had to wait all weekend for the results so i had all weekend to discuss it with my boyfriend and begin to get really excited. i got the call on the monday telling me it was negative.
one word...heartbroken :(

i phoned the hospital and explained the phonecall, was passed from person to person as i couldn't remember the woman's name as it was the last thing on my mind. the hospital had no idea what i was on about..i came to the conclusion that somebody must have taken my notes and pranked me? :-?

since this incident about a month ago, i have been very emotional, i also suffer from depression which hasn't helped. i know to strangers i probably sound naive and stupid to want a baby so young but i can't help it, i don't know where it all came from and i'm just feeling so low.
to me and my boyfriend a baby would be perfect but i'm just so scared of being judged and the whole stigma that comes with being a young parent.

what are your opinions? please help..i hope you all don't think i'm a pure idiot ](*,)
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rufio89
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Re: broody-ness (lots of advice needed)

Post by rufio89 » Thu Jan 15, 2009 9:33 am

I know you want a baby, and I understand that and it's perfectly natural to get broody, but youre so young and you have another 20 years to have kids before you even need to worry.

I know it's hard if you really want a baby, but think how much it changes your life. I know 3 years feels like a long time for a relationship, but you said just a few months ago that you were having some problems and doubts in your relationship, and if your plan is to raise a baby together, 20 years is a lot longer than 3.

But think, there must be things you like to do, go out and enjoy yourself. A baby changes absolutely everything.

Looking through your old posts, you've said for a long time now that youve been struggling with depression. How do you think a baby would change that? I grew up with parents who were both severly depressed and it was very very hard. It's so hard looking after someone emotionally when you dont understand what's wrong with them.

I'd really think long and hard about this. You have health problems already, so you should get these sorted before you even consider it.

A baby is a lifelong commitment, once you've done it, theres no coming back from it, for the rest of your life...

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Re: broody-ness (lots of advice needed)

Post by dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:25 am

innocent wrote:i came to the conclusion that somebody must have taken my notes and pranked me?


It was either some friend of either yours or your boyfriends with a sick sense of humour or a mix up at the hospital (hopefully the latter).
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Re: broody-ness (lots of advice needed)

Post by dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jan 15, 2009 10:26 am

I agree with Ruth; you need to sort yourself out; go on holiday and enjoy being young for a couple more years.
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Re: broody-ness (lots of advice needed)

Post by Bel Bel » Thu Jan 15, 2009 1:33 pm

i had a child at 20 and she is now 17
it is very vey hard and i was (and still am) a strong minded, independent, well balanced and mature person and i can tell you i really struggled. I got post natal depression for approx 18 months and i am a highly optimistic/exuberent/positive person who has never been depressed before or since that bout really bought me down. I am not sure it would be sensible to get pregnant until your depression was under control for a longer period.
My cousin got post natal depression on top of having derpression already and she got very suicidal and overdosed as a cry for help but died last yearas she was too scared to get help as she thought they would take her kids away
I am not trying to scare you but poitning out the realities of how post natall can effect you with or without depression and i think at this time it would be selfish of you to bring a child into the world
Also have you got a house, savings etc A baby is very expensive and although people get by if you plan a baby i think you should be able to bring it up to the best of your means and at 19 I can't believe you are in a position to offer finacial stability in the long term
I know I sound harsh but it is the child who would suffer if this isn't done for the right reasons
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Re: broody-ness (lots of advice needed)

Post by jen » Wed Feb 04, 2009 4:01 pm

I agree with bell bell. I'm 22 and i get bouts of being broody every now and again but i wouldn't dream of having a baby until i - 1: Have a big enough house, and 2: know that i have enough money to give it everything it will ever need in life.

I think people underestimate how hard it is bringing up a child. What difference does it make if you have it now or in a couple of years time other than you getting what you want. I know that i want another couple of years of me and my partner enjoying each other, going away for romantic weekends, being able to just go out whenever we want (providing we can afford it) There is no way we would be able to do that with a baby without getting people to babysit. To be honest i wouldn't want to rely on my mum to look after a baby as she doesn't deserve to have me just presume that she will be there after her just getting her life back following her bringing up my brothers and i. You need to be prepared to more or less stop your life. If you cant afford between 600 and 800 a month for child care then you would need to give up work (after all, you're the one that wants the baby so you shouldn't rely on other people to take the responsibility of looking after it) Do you really want to give up on the chance of having a career? When your child asks what you did with your life, you wont have stories of travelling, great holidays etc. All you'll be able to tell them is that you met your dad and had a kid.

I know it sounds like i'm trying to put you off but if you give it a couple of years until you have your depression under control, then the chances are, you'll be more mentally (and possibly more financially) prepared.

Give it time. After all, what have you got to lose?
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