I think my daughter's boyfriend is cheating on her

[karjam]

My 18 year old daughter's boyfriend has been living with us for a couple of months since he got out of the army.
This weekend her friend told her she had seen him holding hands with another girl in town when he was supposed to be out with his mates from work. When she confronted him he said her friend was mistaken and he was out with a group of people from work, girls included.
The problem is he left his MSN open and I read the message he had typed to one of his mates saying he had been out with a new girl.
I don't know whether to tell my daughter I saw this or whether to confront him myself. If he wasn't living with us I would just keep out of it but as he is I don't know what to do!! Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Bel Bel]

i think you need to tell her what you saw
she may hurt but I think it's better she knows then it's up to her what she does with the information

[HappyGoLucky]

I think you should tell her about this but you should try having some proof ready in case she doesn't believe you. She'd most probably find out later on and she may be upset when she hears you already knew earlier. It's be quite bad for her but I think it'd be worse if she stayed longer with this guy. This is pretty tricky though but I think I'd want my mother to tell me if this ever happens.

[snail]

I agree, your loyalties are to your daughter.

Bear in mind though that he stands to lose the roof over his head, so he will probably lie and try to wriggle out of it any way he can.

[morris mouse]

Your daughter,"karjam" will be gutted at the news,of course,but it's better coming from you (someone,including many,
who love,care and support her.)

Good point "snail" makes,that,not now having a roof over his head will make it a difficult situation,for you.

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

Make sure you have evidence when you tell your daugter or she won't believe you. I know I certainly wouldn't believe it without evidence.

[Bel Bel]

well it's going to be difficult to provide evidence but I wouldn't worry about that
unless you have made it difficult for her becasue you don't like that b/f, which sounds unlikely as you let him live with you i can't see why she wouldn't believe you, your her mother
Also it isn't the first time she has had information from a close source so hopefully she won't be able to ignore all the different indications

[Weasley]

I know this is probably not the same but I had a friend a while ago and I knew for a fact that her guy was cheating on her. I said to him (in private) either he tells her or I do. I hate seeing people being played especially friends. In the end he told her and they split up.
I think maybe you could use this approach? As you are not 100% sure he is cheating, just maybe ask him in private what he is up to? Tell him you saw the message and he's got the chance to tell your daughter and if not, you will tell her. Also, he is living under your roof! He should have more respect for you and your daughter!

[karjam]

thanks for all the advice ... it's just a shame it's just before christmas!

[Bel Bel]

let us know the outcome
and good option from weasley

[angel1]

hi my sister had the same problem she new my other sister was being cheated on so i know how u feel. firstly i think u shud confront him about this message that you seen and see what he says. if he denies it then i think u should let your daughter know wat u seen and let her make her decision at the end of the day if u dont tell her and she finds out that you knew what had been going on then she is going to be more hurt in the end. and may affect your relationship with your daughter. she will thank you for it in the long run hope this helps u

[RagDoll]

Angel1, Karjam's original post was made back in 2008, so I would imagine that their problem is sorted out now.