Ignored by grown children

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Just Landed
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Ignored by grown children

Post by Gem321 » Wed Nov 01, 2017 3:18 pm

I have two grown children, neither live with me. It's my birthday today but have not heard from them...nothing, no phone call, no invites, no text or email.

I have always being supportive as much as I can and we've had fun times. Life can throw tough times so there has been times I haven't been as strong as I could of been but I haven't been a bad mum.

My ex invited our daughter to visit him in San Francisco for 2 weeks where he is working at the moment. While there he said to her ' give your mom a call' and he told me that she said 'what would I want to call her for'. That hurt. She was living with me at the time after coming home after working abroad for two years.
She has now gone to live with friends she went to Uni with (house share).

Over the last week I have sent her two emails and she hasn't replied. She lost her phone while away in the US so has no phone. I offered her my old phone but she declined it. I admit that I had a feeling that she was mad at me for not buying here a new one or for not giving her more than I did. I have felt at times just like a mommy bank so was careful with what I was giving her. She is 25.

Apart from being unhappy about no birthday wishes I do worry about her and need to know she is ok.

My son brought me lots of problems when he was in his final year at Uni but I supported how I could, even though he caused me a lot of distress emotionally and financially. He now has a good job, a girlfriend he is buyng a house with and seems to be settled and happy. He invites me out from time to time for meals and the theatre but the last month I've had no invites.

I have retired this year and feel I'm still feeling my feet creating a new life without work. So feel a bit lost, really needed their support...just a text would of been good.

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Re: Ignored by grown children

Post by reckoner » Tue Nov 14, 2017 5:44 pm

I find it difficult to advise you because there is a lot of focus in your post on the things your children have done that hurt you but you brush over what sound like serious incidents in the past that may well have hurt them (those tough times when you were weak). If your daughter is angry because you didn't buy her a phone and you have always previously been a reliable bank, it's a bit late to talk about the importance and methods of not spoiling your kids. But perhaps the main problem for me is that, if you have no real idea as to why they have no interest in making contact with you, that in itself suggests there are longstanding Issues here. You may be sure in your own mind that you haven't been a bad mum, but not wanting to speak to you suggests they don't agree. Some might say that whether or not you've been a good mum is for them to decide.

You haven't said what was in the emails you've sent that have gone unreplied, but I think you need to show them that you want to understand why they don't want to speak to you and that you want to put things right with them. Only once you've heard it from their side can you determine whether they're being reasonable or not. Either way, though, finding out and taking whatever they say seriously must be, I think, the first step.

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