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Parent debt and lying to us!

Posted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 6:06 pm
by msteane1967
My problem is this in2007 my mother re married a guy 10 years younger than herself.
He seemed like a nice guy, And me and my other siblings were happy for them.
Then it soon became apparent after a few years that they were both drinking quite heavily every night. And arguing. Then her husband started not going to bed at the same time as my mother and staying up to use the computer!
Meanwhile unbeknown to us he was wasting time at work on the computer as well
And getting into trouble. Then one day told my mother that he needed to get away for a few days, So he did ,And it turned out he was arranging to meet up with a woman online for Ana fair!
Then my mother confided in me that they had run up terrible debt! And alarm bells started to ring for the rest of us!
Anyway she took him back. Fast forward to today ,We have recently found out that there debt is even worse than before They have re mortgaged the family home. Quite a while ago now, couldn’t afford the repayments, Have been paying the interest only! Plus very heavy credit card and loans to boot! It’s a real mess! But every time we try to speak to mum about it , She lies and says everything is ok and she isn’t stupid ! Now he has encouraged her to put the house on the market , But after they have sold it .there just won’t be much money to buy anywhere, Her husband wants to rent a privet flat, In short we are worried that they are going to fritter all the little money from the house sale down the drain. And then he will do a runner leaving my mum homeless and penniless!
My mother is 75 years old but she will not listen to me or anyone else. And keeps lying all the time! This is really making me ill! I am also recovering from cancer so i really don't need the stress! Help anyone !

Re: Parent debt and lying to us!

Posted: Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:35 pm
by snail
Your mother will probably never be able to admit to her children how ashamed and embarrassed she is about what a mess she has got into - the parent-child relationship is like that. Or she might feel unable to give this man up, like a drug. But I don't see what you can do - you can't control her actions in any way and she has to take the consequences of what she does. It's not like you haven't tried talking to her.

The only thing I can think is that you could offer to invest some of the money from the house sale for her, under the guise that you know more about investments than she does. That would keep it safe, if she trusts you enough to do that.

Re: Parent debt and lying to us!

Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 4:21 pm
by msteane1967
Thank you for your advice .