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Sexual abuse

Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:25 am
by Sukie73
This is my first post on this forum and I'm sorry if it's not the right place but I have no one else to talk to about this and prefer anonymity. It's a long story so I understand if not many read it! I am a 44 year old woman, between the ages of 12-14 my father sexually and physically abused me. My mother was aware but was too weak and passive to do anything about it. My parents were divorced and this happened when I stayed with him at weekends. He had another partner and they had a daughter together, my half sister, who is 13 years younger than me. At the age of 15 I desperately tried again to tell my mother what was going on and she finally listened and told him I wouldn't be seeing him anymore. I never heard from him or his family again until a couple of years ago (6 months after my mother passed away) I joined Facebook and my half sister made contact and said she would like to meet me. We began meeting up not very often just now and again but it is always very awkward. My father didn't abuse her and I think she thinks that either I'm making it up or she makes excuses for him such as alcohol which doesn't wash with me! She is quite close to him. She is quite unreliable and always late when we arrange to meet. The past few times we have met I've felt uncomfortable as she was asking questions about money, such as what happened to my mum's house when she died, how much do I earn and have I paid my mortgage off! I think it's normal that this made me suspicious, my father is poor and is a alcoholic and she says is becoming quite frail, she also hints that I should be helping her care for him which I have no intention of doing. She contacted me again to arrange a meet up and I told her politely that I was uncomfortable with her questions about my finances and that I would never look after our dad and that actually I could report him to the police. She is saying I'm wrong and she was just asking to make conversation and as we are sisters she didn't see the harm in asking. She then said that I sound 'bonkers' making strange accusations. I just want to know what people think as I find it hard to judge myself as I know I can be paranoid and defensive but at the end of the day she is a stranger, I have no other family apart from a teenage son, not much money and feel as though I want to protect myself. I only have a couple of friends and they don't know what my dad did so I can't talk to them about it. I don';t think I'm actually bothered about not seeing her again as we don't have a relationship and seeing her brings back my childhood but I'm just worried that maybe I am 'bonkers'!

Re: Sexual abuse

Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:04 pm
by Mrconfused74
You aren't bonkers, you are just protesting yourself, it's a natural thing to do.
As you say if it makes you feel uncomfortable seeing her then stop, even if it is for a short period of time, any connection with her is sure to bring up memories of what happened, and perhaps it would be best to stop all contact. No Facebook etc, and move on with your own life. Sometimes family can cause more grief than they are worth, so concentrate on your son and your friends. After what he done, you owe your 'father' nothing, and as much as it may be nice to have a sister you don't need one that doesn't believe what happened to you, nor seems more interested in your money.
As hard as it maybe, move on, as much as I know will never forget what happened you don't need a consent reminder of it in your life. Good luck

Re: Sexual abuse

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 8:39 am
by Sukie73
Thank you, great reply and you are absolutely right.