Unjustified complaint of untidiness

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Unjustified complaint of untidiness

Postby dyncymraeg » Tue Mar 01, 2016 3:20 pm

I am an adult and live with my parents because I can't afford my own place. I try to keep my bedroom tidy. I don't have clothes strewn everywhere and I fold and hang up my clothes. I have small boxes in my room to store items. I never leave dirty plates in my room. I never eat in my room which means there are never things like breadcrumbs in my room. Dirty clothes are immediately put in the laundry basket. I always make my bed. Rubbish goes into a waste paper basket. Books and CDs are kept in shelves. Despite this my mother criticises me for having an untidy room and makes me sound like a teenager living in a tip. She says I must make a big effort to tidy my room when I take the steps outlined previously. If visitors come to my house she insists I must close the door as visitors seeing would be a source of shame to her. I have the feeling it does not matter what state my room is in my mother will always regard my room as untidy and it does not matter what efforts I make with regards to my room, my mother will always complain. I am not sure what to do in this situation. If I tell my mother she will always regard my room as untidy and nothing I will do will change her view, she will become angry and deny this and will lead to confrontation. I would be grateful for advice and any ideas on how I should deal with this situation and any ideas why would someone consider someone's room as untidy regardless if its condition. Have you been in a similar situation.
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Re: Unjustified complaint of untidiness

Postby snail » Tue Mar 01, 2016 3:25 pm

Two things that spring immediately to mind - is your mother frustrated at still having you at home and would really prefer you to move out, and the apparently irrational criticising is a manifestation of this?

And secondly, have you asked her what specific changes she would like that would make your room seem tidy to her? E.g. stand in it with her and say in a non-confrontational way, "What do you think should be different, mum?"

Are you working? If so you could get a room in a shared house. It might be easier for you.
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Re: Unjustified complaint of untidiness

Postby dyncymraeg » Tue Mar 01, 2016 4:09 pm

snail wrote:Two things that spring immediately to mind - is your mother frustrated at still having you at home and would really prefer you to move out, and the apparently irrational criticising is a manifestation of this?

And secondly, have you asked her what specific changes she would like that would make your room seem tidy to her? E.g. stand in it with her and say in a non-confrontational way, "What do you think should be different, mum?"

Are you working? If so you could get a room in a shared house. It might be easier for you.


My parents have given no other signs they are unhappy with me living with them. If they were wanted me to move out, I would assume they would give other indications. They have never said things like " don't you think it is time you moved out". I am in work. I live in a small city and rented accommodation is in short supply and what little there is is very expensive.
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Re: Unjustified complaint of untidiness

Postby David020549 » Wed Mar 02, 2016 8:08 am

You need your own place, parents expect the kids to leave home sometime, not sometime never, mums particularly will deny that they want you to go, yet secretly long for you to be independent. Grumbling about untidy room amongst other things is pretty normal, do you best and just say "yes mum ".
Find a flat or share like most folks do, there is never a right time to get your own place, they are always too expensive, you just have to take the plunge, work hard and give up non essentials. Just like the rest!!.
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Re: Unjustified complaint of untidiness

Postby rufio89 » Wed Mar 02, 2016 11:18 am

I have to say I agree with David... when I moved out I was earning £700 a month and my rent and utilities took up £500 of that. Things were tight but staying in your parents house as an adult is good for noone.

I eventually found myself in a better position through a housesharing site - spareroom.co.uk I think it was and that made things a lot cheaper and more manageable.
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