Pushy mother

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Pushy mother

Postby Lea89 » Thu Jan 08, 2015 9:11 pm

I have been feeling this way for many years. When i was younger my mother was incredibly abusive to me and my siblings. It was however a 'norm' since it is an asian thing. although the abuse has stopped my mother is still very controlling and even for a while used to measure how much food went on my plate up to my late teens. She finds any way to try and control me and when ever I told her there are things she could do to change for instance take an interest in my younger brothers education she says she does even though she blatently doesn't, she also tells me i could take an interest even though she is the mother and i have my own life. I asked her once why she hit me as a child and she said i did things which deserved the punishment of abuse. she is very irrational and makes snide sarcastic comments about stupid things which infuriates me. i felt deeply troubled for years and even now have terrible thoughts about what life would be like if she wasn't around - and not in the holiday sense. I would immediately feel guilty when i went out but as soon as i came back home i remembered why i felt that way. i struggle to like her and think i only lover her because she gave birth to me. she sees no flaw in her at all and thinks there is nothing wrong with her, I feel like this all the time and wonder what the hell i should do to deal with this.
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Re: Pushy mother

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:10 pm

you can't control your mum you can only control you and your responses to her
it sounds like she wouldn't be willing to participate in any kind of therapy as she doesn't believe she has done anything wrong
are there specific things she still controls you with so we can help you with resolutions to those
of course you could still get counselling yourself which may help you deal with this
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Re: Pushy mother

Postby snail » Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:35 pm

Do you still live at home? If so, I think moving out would be a very good idea. I'm guessing from your username that you're 25?
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Re: Pushy mother

Postby Lea89 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 1:07 pm

I am definitely interested in counselling but i am sure it would have to be alone. I'm 20 and think if i were 25 hopefully id have moved out by that time. and your right i can not control my mum and through the years i have learnt to stop arguing with her because there is just no right answer, even if she is in the wrong, so i've learnt to just count to ten or whatever. Sounds silly but it refrains me from saying something which will up set her. I think she has depression and i find her sometimes having a conversation with herself, now i'm used to it. Oh yes she still finds ways to control anything really. Like if I don't put enough food on the plate. I'm just trying to be healthy but to her healthy is obese, she is overweight herself but has no trouble pointing out others flaws in size, appearance etc. Also if she falls out with relatives she bans my siblings and i from keeping in contact with them, it does upset me but I end up going behind her back to speak to them.
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Re: Pushy mother

Postby rufio89 » Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:02 pm

I think even 20 is a pretty reasonable age to have already moved out. I moved out when I was just turned out - I had a troubled relationship with both of my parents beforehand, now some years have passed, my relationship with both is much better and we have a lot more respect for each other and our individual way of doing things. I dont think adults living with their parents is often a good idea, you both need time to do things your own way.
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