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death in the family

Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 6:26 pm
by phaeton

My pa died recently after exacting a frightful toll from my ma in terms of sheer physical care. Ma now seems on the verge of fading away entirely, i am the only anchor in her life it seems. We are both grieving, it is a very trying time for both of us. Ma is in her 80s but still full of life and fun - when her old self - but the events of the last several years - caring for a terminally ill spouse - have left her mentally and physically exhausted and she has not been eating properly, wasting away in fact, literally. I fear I will lose her swiftly at this rate. She is keen for me to support her by moving in and I can't see anything short of this pulling her round. But I will naturally lose the tenancy of my flat - if I leave it - sort of permanently. So this also worries me and I am faced with a dilemma. I need some advice please :-|



Re: death in the family

Posted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 11:04 am
by Bel Bel
I am sorry for your situation.

If you continue to pay for the flat why would you lose the tenancy?

I think you should never make major decisions in grief. Perhaps first you both need some grief counselling. Once the initial trauma of grief has passed you may find your mum gets a new lease of life.

If you were to move in with her permanently where does that leave you should something happen to your mum, would you live if her house. If so why does giving up your tenancy present such an issue.

Re: death in the family

Posted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 11:35 am
by snail
Do you really want to give up your independant life and move in with your mum though? What about if you want to start a relationship and live with a woman? Couldn't you go and stay with your mum for a couple of months instead, and see how things go first? Is there something else you could get her interested in - hobbies, groups, other family? I do think in the longer run both you and your mother will be happier and more rounded if you don't live in each other's pockets but pursue your own lives and just visit each other very frequently.