My Dad

For problems with parents, whatever your age...

My Dad

Postby xAlwayssmilex » Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:54 am

Hi,

I don't really know how to start. I'm just hoping that someone will listen.

From the beginning... My dad got diagnosed with Multiple Scerosis when I was eight before my dad was diagnosed we were really close he taught me how to build motorbikes we did everything together. He used to work shifts and I can remember waiting for him to finish work he used to get in at 9.00pm and then i could go to sleep when he was on early shifts he used to pick me up and I always looked forward to those days.

For the first few years dad was almost the same he could still walk about and he still treated me the same but then as the condition worsened he became more distant and slipped into depression. He tried to commit suicide on more then one attempt and we just stopped talking my dad has always been cynical and hates the world he seems to think everybody owes him a favour but I just miss him. He's now at the stage where he is wheel chair bound he can barely walk in the house, he never goes outside just sits in his chair and watches t.v (I say watches he's going blind) and he never speaks to anyone. My mum is his full time carer and it's not easy on her at all. My dad slipped a disc in his back before he got MS and the doctors told him there was nothing wrong it was all in his head - I think this might have contributed to the depression I must admit i think that would screw me up to - he now sleeps on a mattress on the floor in the spare room my mum cooks for my dad but they never speak so i feel sorry for her and try to do things to cheer her up. My little brother has no time for my dad he was three when dad was diagnosed and never really had the time i had with him all he knows of dad is an angry broken man. I'm sorry if I'm rambling i just really need for someone to understand and tell me i am not mad for feeling the way I do.

Now whenever I go round to see mum hes just sat in his chair I'll speak and he won't say anything won't even acknowledge I'm there. To me it just feels like my dad died when he got MS and all i am left with is this empty shell. I always thought I would get used to the idea but after 14 years it never seems to get any easier. We tried getting him help we have appoached god knows how many doctors, specialists anyone who could help but because my dad has chronic progressive MS there's not much research done into helping him. I just don't know what to do. I've seen councellors they haven't helped me so i'm kinda hoping that someone reading this will have an idea of how to move on from it and not just feel like a little girl that wants her daddy back.

x x x
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Re: My Dad

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:14 pm

I totally understand how you feel. When my grandad got ill he did exactly the same and cut everyone off. I beleive he was ashamed of how he was (he was always such a proud man) and he too got bitter and angry.
I tried to talk to him but he didn't want to know so in the end I gave up like you. Sometimes people have to help themselves and he just didn't want to.
It was actually a relief when he died. That's sound horrible but my Nan got her life back that day and we could all grieve for who he was before he got ill.
I can't give you any help but I can tell you it is totally normal how you feel and I would say much as it's hard to think of it like this your Dad has already gone. This isn't the Dad you knew and loved growing up.
I am so glad you are supportive to your mum, keep that up, she will be eternally grateful.
Please pm if you want to talk more.
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Re: My Dad

Postby captainf » Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:35 pm

Thats really sad. I guess that he became unhappy because he wasn't able to do all the things he enjoyed doing. It can't be easy being stuck in a wheel chair all the time and slowly going blind too. The poor man.
I guess that all you can really do is do your best to talk to him. Just general chat, talk about the things you used to enjoy doing with him, let him know how much you cherished those times and how much you love him.

Theres no quick fix for you either. I do think just chatting with your dad and getting him to talk or open up abit may help both of you. Maybe you should try confiding in a close friend or your partner as i'm sure they can offer you support.
Are there no groups for families with relatives suffering from MS?
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