Hi there everyone, im going through a bit of a tough time at the moment and would just like to see what other peoples views are on my situation,
Im sure a few of you out there may have gone through the same thing and it would be refreshing to see how you may have handled it,
First a bit of history to bring you up to speed,
Me and my Dad were always close and at times I would have considered myself a bit of a Daddys Girl. My dad left us when I was 11 after having an affair with a younger woman, leaving me and my Mom at home. I didnt wish to see my Dad for a while but time passed and eventually I came to terms with things.
He moved in with his new girlfriend and she became my step mom and they married a few years later. I had to move in with my Dad and step mom after my mom couldnt afford to keep the old house, she herself then decided to move out with her new partner further away from our home town (she, thankfully is now very happy and due to get married again yay!). Eventually it was decided it was more practicle for me to live with my Dad because of school and such.
The years passed and me and my "new" family had our ups and downs but I cant say I wasnt treated properly and not looked after because I was. Then one day we had the news that my step mom was pregnant with her first child. Which in many ways was a shock but exciting all the same. My first half brother was born in the October and I was over the moon. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
I took on the role as responsible big sister and made sure I was a good role model to my new little brother as he grew up, then more news hit us.
My Step mom was preganant with her second child, my brother was 2 and a half at this point. I couldnt believe it. I was blown away and again very excited. In the May my second brother was born and all the emotions I felt the first time came flooding back.
I was still living at home, working part time and attending college. I was quite happy, I was doing well at school, I had great friends,great family, a boyfriend and a job i enjoyed. Often on weekends I would babysit whilst my dad and step mom went out with friends or to meal etc. At first it was fun and I liked the responsibility, but then it became more and more regular to the point where my weekends were backed up with babysitting and my social life was deteriorating. I felt like I had to say yes and was trapped into situations where I was guilted to do so.
Thats where the problems started.
For many years leading up to me moving out of my Dads house I was asked to babysit. Sometimes it wasnt a problem, other times it was. Arguments became more and more regular over the topic. I loved my little brothers to pieces but they werent my responsbility I was nearly 20 and was trying to make the most of my youth plus having a full time job at this point meant I wanted to make the most of my spare time.
It got to a point where I needed to refuse to babysit as I felt used and was made to feel like it was MY duty as big sister. This, I felt caused a rift between me and my step mom and we drifted apart, she saw me as "unreliable" and "selfish". This I understand put my dad in an awkward position. It was time for me to move out.
I officially moved out the January after I turned 21 with my boyfriend a good few miles away from my Dads house. Me moving out has affected me and my dads relationship, we dont talk as much and he doesnt call often. He's only been to my flat about twice for about 10 mins a time since January 2011. My step mom even less.
Whenever I rang him to see how he was, he would seem distant or preoccupied. On the days he would call me, I would get excited to hear from him only to be asked to watch the kids. I felt used and upset. I felt pushed out from the family and feared I would loose contact with him. I almost felt like a family friend rather than his Daughter. I came to learn that my step mom didnt think much of my boyfriend which only made things more awkward.
I felt angry because I had done a lot for them in the past, helping out with babysitting and watching the kids, picking them up from school on the odd occasion and generally being there if they needed me at the last minute. All I wanted was a bit of input into the flat and a helping hand but nothing really came.
Things came to a head not long ago, me and my Dad had a massive argument, probably the biggest ever. I found out that my step mom doesnt think a lot of me and still see's me as selfish, spoilt and unreliable which angered me. My dad sided with her and said he couldnt keep seeing me if it was gonna keep being like this. I honestly think my step mom has influenced a lot of his decisions and the way he see's things and to a degree I understand becuase it is his wife.
But I'm his first child, and his only Daughter. Why am I being made to feel like I'm not?
Im scared that if our relationship continues this way that one day we will stop talking all together, we're not talking at the moment and its horrible. I also fear that if this were to happen I wont be able to see my brothers who are still only 5 and 7. I understand my dads got his life and Ive got mine. But it would be nice to know hes there and that he's still got that place in his heart for me regardless, without anyone else getting in between. Relationships are a two way thing and I just want him to pull his weight. I dont want to loose him.
Im now nearly 22 and still living in the flat with my boyfriend, we are both happy and have a lot to look forward to. But I want my dad and my brothers to be there indefinately in the future otherwise a part of my life will be missing, I also wish that maybe my step mother will understand my dad had a life and other responsibilitys before she turned up.
Please, any help and advice would be much appreciated!! It will also be interesting to know if people have been through a simarlar situation : ]
-Abooster1989