child like and attention seeking behaviour

[perfectlyunique]

Hi everyone

im here because im in desperate need of some help in regards to my mum i moved out with my little boy about a year and a half ago. Since then my mum has been pretending to be nuts. she keeps saying she cant breathe and her lungs have collapsed. she cut all her hair off and she keeps ringing ambulances saying she cant breathe, they wont come out to her anymore. Also she been in and out of the mental health ward. She tried to stab a police officer, tried setting fire to her house. started eating chcolate in a shop without paying.also she walks the streets picking up tab ends. She stole a pouch of baccy of a man in the street and ran in her house and locked the door.

i have spoken to the mental health place and they said shes displaying child like and attention seeking behaviour. When i lived with her i cooked all her meals and since her mum died shes gotten worse because my nanna pandered to her every need. it doesnt look like shes going to stop anytime soon.I think she wants me or my sister to look after her, but i cant have her move in with me no way. My brother lives with her hes 30. He has mental health problems has all his life. Hes punched her in the eye twice because she got on his nerves. She is making her neighbours life hell, just walking in there houses and eating there food.

there is loads more to the story but how can i get her to stop all this? my little boy hasnt seen her for ages because of the way she acts , well actually i did take him rnd the other week and she totally blanked him and went on about how her lungs where frozen.she promised me she wouldnt start infront of him.

can someone pls give me some advice im at my wits end

thanks

[Ticktock]

I don't think she is pretending to be nuts, her behaviour reminds me a lot of my gran's, she would wander the street in her dressing gown and talked to pictures, lost the ability to recognise any family. It was eventually diagnosed as senile dementia with psychotic symptoms. It may be your nanna knew about your mum's problems for a while but pandered to her to cover it up, my grandad did the same thing and when he went my dad had a nightmare few years...

Since she is a danger to others have you looked into the possibility of having her sectioned to get a proper diagnosis?

[perfectlyunique]

thats the thing though we have had a diagnosis and its exactly that, childlike and attention seeking behaviour. currently shes in the mental health ward being looked after and hasnt mentioned anything about her lungs because basically what she wants is someone to look after her. The doctor i spoke to said theres not much they can do because its up to her to stop. i mean shes going too far now and she switches it on and off as she pleases. im not willing to look after her because i have a little boy and basically she really annoyed me with all this and her selfishness. i told her im due to have an operation soon and she ignored me and started talking about herself. i asked her why she did it and she said how can i worry about you when my lungs have collapsed. that really hurt how can she be so unloving.

The doctors have said theres nothing wrong with her apart from slight depression and anxiety. i suffer with anxiety but i dont do what shes doing.

[brendo]

This is a complicated scenario. How does your brother fit into all of this? How much care does he need? If your mother is busy running around the streets pretending to be nuts then who's looking after him?

As for your mum, I'm not sure what can be done for her. Her attention seeking behaviour is difficult to cope with here. If she lived alone, then I would suggest maybe a calm conversation where you make it clear that she will not see you or her grandson again until this behaviour stops. If you act like you need her at all right now, she'll use that neediness as leverage against you, just as she did when you mentioned your operation. That is a difficult road to follow though , as it is natural for a daughter to want and need the support of her mother. But right now, your mother is no position to offer you any such support. You and your sister need to lean on each other and work together here. Can you both get together and consult a psychologist on what might be the best approach in this situation? There's very little information to work with here and it is a lot more complicated than the few lines you have written so professional help and advise is the best path for you right now I think.

Remember though that there is definitely some underlying issues in your mother's mentality that has made her act out like this and unless she is willingly to face and address these problems then in the long term there may not be a lot you can do to help her. Focus on a game plan right now though with your sister and decide what needs to be done in the best interests of all involved. Get as much advice as possible from qualified professionals and take it from there. Its not going to an easy road unfortunately.

[perfectlyunique]

thanks for replying, my brother is 30 so he can look after himself its just he has alot of issues and to be honest he scares me because of what hes done and how he acts.

with my mother ive tried everything i tried pandering to her, i tried talking to her calmly, ive tried shouting at her and ive even ingnored her. i had to change my phone numbers because she kept texting and ringing with all her rubbish. Me and my sister have tried to get into contact with quite a few health professionals but all of them say the same thing and dont know what to do. Also most of them never ring me back. Its really frustrating.Where stuck really and im starting to think my mum will never stop

[Bel Bel]

Sometimes you have to decide someone is just too toxic to be in your life.
I keep my own mum at a distance and have an artificial relationship with her for the sake of my brother and sisters. She is always creating drama but not to the same extent as your mum. I think you have been more than petient about the situation.
You need to protect your son from it so don't feel bad about doing what you need to do to make your family unit a happy one

[perfectlyunique]

hi thanks for replying,
I do feel really bad as she is my mum but i suppose i have my own life to lead and i have to look after my son.Im hoping she will stop it soon although it looks doubtful.