should i forgive

For problems with parents, whatever your age...
Post Reply
maggi
Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:06 am

should i forgive

Post by maggi » Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:37 am

I used to be close to my mum until i moved away and things changed. i am the youngest from a big family and i can't visit my parents because i am to far away. my mother as said am i mental and i feel i can't forgive her. at the time she didn't know i was under a lot of stress and i didn't tell her what was happening in my life at the time. i rang my parents up and asked to lend some money to get back home but didn't mention my husband losing his job. i haven't been intouch for 8 months because i can't forget what she said. i want to tell her that my husband lost his job at the time and things were really stressful and thats why i wanted to lend the money but i feel that she and the rest of the family will pity us and think that things haven't worked out for us. she sent me a necklace which she sent away for and is suppose to bring you luck and to have luck with money and i don't know if this is a dig at me or what. that was the only time i have ever asked to lend money. my dad as said horible things about me over the years like i would of been a spinster if i hadn't of met my husband and what is the attraction he sees in me. he said i am always taking money which is a complete lie.

My husband said i should tell them what happened and why worry about what my parents think and the rest of the family because they aren't interested in me anyway and i only keep intouch with one of my sisters. is he right? should i try and forget what she said about me or let her know that it was nasty and a terrible thing to say about her daughter?

User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 3:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: should i forgive

Post by Skarlet » Thu Dec 03, 2009 8:59 am

People say lots of things in anger, and they generally very hurtful. It was one comment, and I doubt she really means it. Is it really worth the anger and upset over one comment? If she has done other things, and generally been really horrible then maybe I would say that you could leave her out of your life, but if it is only this one thing then you should forgive.

I doubt the necklace was a slight, it might have been just her letting you know that she was thinking of you, and wishing you luck.

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Hertfordshire

Re: should i forgive

Post by Bel Bel » Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:51 pm

If you didn't tell her you had problems and you were acting unusaully toward them becasue of that maybe your parents genuinally thought you had some mental issues. However they could have been more tactful about asking if you were alright. There must have been some kind of discusiion going on for her to call you that, I am sure she didn't just ring up in the night and say it for no reason.

If this is the only issue you ahve had it seems a shame not to sort things out. All parents say thing they don't mean sometimes in anger. Parents are human too and have good and bad days and not everyone is a naturally good parent either.

However you are an adult now and don't have to take people talking down to you.

i think your mum was being nice sending the necklace and it was her way of letting you know she was thinking of you.

Perhaps you need to get together and clear the air and move on from the past. If it works great but if it doesn't at least you know you tried and can walk away without feeling guilty
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK


maggi
Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2009 3:06 am

Re: should i forgive

Post by maggi » Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:55 am

thankyou for the replies. it was me who rang my parents up bel bel not them calling me when i asked for the money. i would of liked to them to of said, we don't have any money to lend you but come back and we will do whatever we can to help. she didn't send my children anything not even a card for their birthdays which i thought was mean and she would of forgot mine too if it wasn't for my brother telling her. she doesn't forget my sisters or their childrens birthdays thou.

I do and i don't want to get intouch with my mum. what do you think about my dads remarks about me, should i never bother with him again?

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Hertfordshire

Re: should i forgive

Post by Bel Bel » Mon Dec 07, 2009 4:38 pm

do you know why they treat you different especially your children
Whatever issues they have with you shouldn't be put on the children
You dads comments were cruel but it doesn't mean he meant them or he isn't sorry
I think you have to decide if you think a relationship is worth pursuing. Weigh up the good and the bad it can bring
If you do decide to sort it meet on neutral ground initially and agree to put the past behind you. Take it slowly and don't expect it all to go smoothly
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK


Post Reply