Chronic Interference

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js1234
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Chronic Interference

Post by js1234 » Fri Sep 11, 2009 4:25 pm

My friend is sick of her in-laws interfering - what advice would you give her?
Last edited by js1234 on Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:03 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Skarlet
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Re: Chronic Interference

Post by Skarlet » Fri Sep 11, 2009 4:31 pm

I think that you will have to get your husband (and you) to sit down with his parents, and gently talk to them about this. It will be the only way to end the interference. If that does not work, then you will just have to say what you are doing and actually do it, don't give in and argue with them. Your husband really needs to do a lot of this. As for christmas, why not just say you are going to your parents, and go. Even if it means leaving your husband at theirs. He might take the lead and join you as well.

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kerrie24
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Re: Chronic Interference

Post by kerrie24 » Fri Sep 11, 2009 7:29 pm

We have the exact same trouble,except it is MY mother not his.It used to be that I would have a plan ready for when she rang each day to save doing something with her,day in day out,but then I realised that I had allowed her to become like this and my siblings didnt seem to be so tied to her.I said to her that as my partner works week days,we would go up one day through the week for tea,then occasionally we will go for a day out at weekends together but the rest of the weekends are for us to spend as a family.It was hard at first because I didnt want her to be lonely or bored but then I realised my main concern has to be what we want,or we will be forever at her beck and call.At christmas we are fought over by both sets of parents so we do one on christmas eve and the other on boxing day so we have christmas day to ourselves,or occasionally we go to one for christmas day dinner and one at tea time,so everyones happy.You have to start and put yourself first sometimes and tell them that while you like spending time with them,you want some time for other interests as a couple and also with YOUR family.They might not be happy but they will soon get used to it.

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dipsydoodlenoodle
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Re: Chronic Interference

Post by dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Sep 14, 2009 11:09 am

Your husband needs to say something to them, they might not realise that they are being too intrusive. Anything he says will upset them; maybe you could agree sunday dinner at their house once a fornight and the other week is at your parents (even if you don't go -tell them)- you need to make them aware you both would like to see your parents too.
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Bel Bel
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Re: Chronic Interference

Post by Bel Bel » Tue Sep 15, 2009 11:53 am

I agree with kerrie that if you let themn treat you likie this the will
You may have to offend themn to get them to stop but it will be worth it in the long run, afterall they are unliklely to want to cut ties completely as they are hte clingy ones
Your husband must be the one to do the talking so you don't get used as the scapegoat
He needs to be very clear with them. It's not like they don't have each other
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