My parents - Complicated

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ennis81
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My parents - Complicated

Post by ennis81 » Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:17 pm

My oldest sister is 45 and a long term alcholic, shes gay, and she has some severe mental health issues, She has caused a huge rift in our family for as long as I can remember and my poor parents have been put through the mill over the years, her story is a very long and complicated one, she is basically a very sick person who POINT BLANK refuses to see how bad she has become and how much pain she has caused.

After ruining my grandmothers funeral a few yrs ago she dropped off the radar completely and we had no idea where she was, I discovered that she was homeless, she tried to commit suicide by jumping in a river and ended up in a pysiatic (sorry can't spell) hospital, my parents were away on hols in oz when this happened and none of my sisters wanted to know (due to everything she has put us all through) so I ended up going into the hospital, trying to help the doctors help her (as she lies about everything) eventually with proper medication she improved a bit, was given a 1 bed apt, had social workers and counsellors and started a computer course.

Last year she stopped taking her medication and went completely off her head, she turned up at my parents house and was saying some pretty crazy stuff, she had a knife and scared the living daylights out of my mum, mum rang me , I drove around our area lookin for her and found her on her hands and knees at a bus stop talking to a piece of cardboard, I was absolutely terrified, she told me she was god, she managed to escape from me and made her way over to my aunts house and caused more trouble over there, they tried to get her to sleep, she went to the room but at some stage left the house, and was picked up a few hours later by the police as someone had called them due to her strange behaviour, my aunt and uncle got her back to the hospital she had originally been treated at, as they were getting her admitted, she said she was going to the toilet and escaped from the hospital, went back to her apartment, attacked another resident there with the knife and threw all her belonging out into the road and disappeared again for a few days, eventually she was arrested again and was put in a different secure hospital this time, Again I was left to go and see what was happening, my sisters said they couldn't handle it, and mum and dad are afraid of her, so dad asked me to go.

She got of hospital just before xmas last year, and I saw her in my mums on Xmas day, they insist she comes at xmas because they are terrified she will kill herself if left alone at that time of year, xmas day was awful as none of my other sisters will even be in the same room as her. I had not seen her since xmas until last night, my mum is in hospital having her womb removed, me and dad went in to visit and she turned up lookin worse than ever. She was definitely on something she looked demented. Dad was mortified.

I could go on and on about her for the rest of my life and it would still be hard to get a clear picture of how bad she is, I really believe she is schzioprenic and I'm worried about what she is capable of, mum and dad bury they're heads in the sand, and my sisters have long since washed they're hands off her and I don't blame them, I am the youngest and they have had to put up with her for years aswell, I'm really sick of this, to be honest I would be happy never to see her again, I feel that its very unfair that my mum and dad expect me to deal with her, they feel responsible for her but don't like dealing with her. I suppose I feel responsible for them and I'm trying to protect them but I'm at a loss, she should be commited somewhere, she really scares me and I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice on this unsolvable issue would be much appreciated, this is an ongoing problem in my life unfortunately :(

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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by Bel Bel » Wed Aug 26, 2009 4:08 pm

There is only one answer that i can suggest and that is you too wash your hands of her if you cannot get her any help

Have you tried ringing MIND as they may be able to tell you how to get her more help but if it's her opwn fault that the help she offered backfires then you either need to be there or wash your hands of her?
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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Aug 27, 2009 9:23 am

I agree with the above posters.

The problem is your parents are brushing her off on to you, sorry to be rude but she is still their child, you look after children as much as you can. I know she's more than old enough to take care of herself but due to her circumstances she isn't. Your parents should not be brushing her off on to you to look after. As Bel Bel suggested, give MIND a call and see what they have to say.
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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by ennis81 » Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:23 pm

Thank you for the responses, me and my dad are very close and very alike and I hate to see him constantly upset about this, but I can't deal with this anymore, I'm not able to deal with it anymore, I feel so tired of it, so I'm going to do what was suggested and wash my hands off her, she is beyond help and I can't take the misery that comes from being involved with her, I also don't want my young daughter having to put up with this like I have, I tried my best. Thanks again, x

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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by captainf » Thu Aug 27, 2009 8:46 pm

You shouldnt have to put up with this because you have your daughter to think about and you dont want her coming to harm.
You need to talk to your mum and dad and tell them that you have had enough of whats going on with her. She should be committed to a hospital that will take care of her and where she can be monitored.

You've had a hard year and I think its pretty unfair that the rest of your family leave you to deal with all this stuff going on. If I was you i'd just focus on your daughter and making a good life for the both of you.

I also hope that your mother is well, I believe you said shes having her womb removed.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?

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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by ennis81 » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:23 am

I had words with Dad yesterday and said that I was done with this situation, I've said this before, but this time I'm sticking to my guns. I really don't know what will become of her.
My mums op went well and she is getting out of hospital today thank god :wink:

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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by Bel Bel » Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:38 am

Well done for talking to your dad
They may well still ask you to help again but as you said stick to your guns
They also have the choice to wipe their hands of her if they want to so don't feel guilty if they try to make you feel bad as someone else said it's their child and ultimately their responsibility
I'm glad your mum is coming home
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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by Millenia » Sat Aug 29, 2009 5:08 pm

It's very hard t deal with any person who suffers form a mental illness - what i've learned at least is that their behaviour isn't out of malice intent. Half of the time they don't know what there doing and it is really scary.

It's not your problem to deal with your sister, and sometimes as the saying goes 'it's cruel to be kind' - your sister choose to go off the medication which doesn't help matters as you have stated. You have tried within every inch of yourself and no one can say anything bad at you, in fact you should be so proud of yourself to have tried to help her this long.

Hope you are doing alright.

Millenia

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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by captainf » Sat Aug 29, 2009 5:11 pm

You've done the right thing in my opinion. Only time will tell what will happen.
How is your mother? I hope shes at home and resting well. :)
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?

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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by ennis81 » Mon Aug 31, 2009 10:44 am

Thanks everyone, I spoke to them together at the weekend, I told them how I feared for their safety being around her, and how I can't deal with her anymore, It was hard as they are very upset but they understand how much I love them and have their best interests at heart. I'm not sure what way they will deal with this, god love them they've had enough to deal with.
My mum is doing very well since the op, shes a tough auld bird lol

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Re: My parents - Complicated

Post by captainf » Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:27 pm

Good to hear that you've talked to them and you will feel better for it in time. They will also understand and may well distance themselves from her now too.
Glad your mum is doing well after her op. :D
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?

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