A long goodbye

For problems with parents, whatever your age...
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Jackie
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A long goodbye

Post by Jackie » Tue Jul 07, 2009 12:33 am

Hi there,
I have just bought a new property and am getting the keys anytime now. Since I paid the deposit I have moved back in with my Dad to save some money and also to move away from a very destructive living situation with a sibling (she was an abusive alcoholic) In the last few months I have really reconnected with my Dad, it has been much easier than where i was living previously where there was shouting and many arguments. However I have been living by his rules, and routine and at times that has felt very stifling. My Dad also has bad knees which has meant that he is not as physically fit as he used to be and I have done a lit of jobs for him around the house. At times it has felt that I am falling into the trap of the dutiful daughter who looks after a parent and never has her own happiness. However I knew under all that that the time here would be finite and that I should just make the most of the time with him. Now that the time to move has come around I find myself anxious and scared and guilty. I'm excited to move to my own place, my own rules...finally... but I have an aching sadness whenever I think about leaving my Dad here on hsi own. The feeling is threatening to overtake my joy on getting a house. I am the youngest in the family, and after my mother died when I was 18, I did not move out for years as I didn't want to leave Dad on his own. And then when I finally did I experienced all the feelings that I am feeling now. I almost want to play down the move so it will be easier for him. Inside though I want to dance. Have any of you guys any advice on how to manage these feelings, or how to feel better about moving? I just feel a sadness. Thanks x

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Bel Bel
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Re: A long goodbye

Post by Bel Bel » Tue Jul 07, 2009 10:23 am

just make sure you keep up regular contact and have some set times you pop round to see him so he has a routine and can save up any little jobs for you
Get the other siblings to do the same
explain now you have lived with him you can see he needs regualr help and they need to do their bit
dance by all means just not infront of your dad
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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dipsydoodlenoodle
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Re: A long goodbye

Post by dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:38 am

I know exactly how you feel. I can't afford to move out and I joked I'd be home forever, my dad said that was ok...then he said "you'll be living by my rules"...

As Bel Bel said just make sure you call him regularly and call around his and invite him over regularly so that he isn't alone all the time.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.

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