i cant cope anymore!

thisgirlsammy · Post by **thisgirlsammy** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 10:53 am

i cant cope anymore! my mum wont stop drinking! i really want my childhood back because from a young age i have had to take care of myself (cooking, cleaning ect) and i dont want to do it anymore! my mum constintly makes false promises, saying that she is going to stop drinking and get her live and debts back on track but instead she sends me to the door to get rid of the debt collectors and spends every last bit of money on gin

she has also stopped me from seeing my dad because she has blamed her drinking problem on him saying that he used to beat her up, so i dont have a clue what my dad is like and he has missed out on me and my sister growing up and i think that is unfair because it took two of them to create me and my sister, and my mum constantly goes on about that she didnt know she could have kid so we were a 'mistake' and it still hurts everytime she says that even though she has told me plenty of times. :cry:

i dont know who to believe anymore because my dad tells me one thing (via phone or e-mail) and my mum tells me another and i havent a clue who i am surposed to believe because i know my mum better then my dad and i know she is a really good lier (like most alcoholics) and i dont have a clue what my dad is like and whether he would lie or not! :-?

. the thing is my friends think my life is perfect because i put on a front that i can not get rid of so even if im feeling like i want my life to end i will put on a front if im with my friends, so i have no one i can talk to because i find it really hard, and im starting to get scared because i have had frequent thoughts of ending my life but i cant get rid of the thoughts no matter how much i try, im scared that one day it wont be a thought it will be in action

brfc · Post by **brfc** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 11:21 pm

hi and welcome to problempages i wonder if your mum relise how much damage she is causing with her drink on you. i feel you need help. do you have any other relitive you could turn too about this? gran aunty etc.

thisgirlsammy · Post by **thisgirlsammy** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 12:12 pm

no there is no one i can turn to because iv not seen my aunti's for years and grandma number 1 i havent seen since i was about 7 and grandma number 2 doesnt want to know! my mum does know what she is putting me through, its just she doesnt care.

brfc · Post by **brfc** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 12:34 pm

how old are you may i ask? if your in your teens you can find help at connextions. they help young people with all kinds of problems

thisgirlsammy · Post by **thisgirlsammy** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 12:37 pm

im 15 and im scared that the social services will get involved again and take me away from my mum because if they do that she will drink herself into an early grave, because last time they were called my mum got really drunk, flooded the house twice and set it on fire once and i have arsonphobia (incase you dont know what it is its a phobia of fire) i have to hide the matches so she cant light the cooker because its gas

HappyGoLucky · Post by **HappyGoLucky** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:18 pm

Hey there.

I really symphatise with your situation here.

Suicide won't help you know. It's basically running away and it won't make things really better. I can't really offer that much advice here as I have never been in what you are going through but you have to stay strong.

It's great that you care for your mother.

By the way, has your mother ever been for counselling?

thisgirlsammy · Post by **thisgirlsammy** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:26 pm

yes, once but when she had to go again she got totally drunk so she didnt have to, well i cant think of another way out except suicide, my mum has made my life hell and i feel very on my own! plus she has made me emotionally drained so one minute i will be really happy then my mood just goes really low and then i will feel absolutly nothing, i find myself laughing and smiling and not meaning it because after a while i have no energy to laugh

brfc · Post by **brfc** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:45 pm

there is actually a telephone number you can ring for connexctions direct its 080 800 13 2 19. you dont need to tell them your personal details its all confiditential.... just looked at there website and you can acctually have a one to one chat with an advisor on the net. they might be able to help. brfc x

thisgirlsammy · Post by **thisgirlsammy** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:47 pm

but what if my mum sees it on the phone bill?

brfc · Post by **brfc** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:51 pm

ive posted you a link

let us know how you get on

take care brfc x

Bel Bel · Post by **Bel Bel** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 3:44 pm

it's a free phone number so you can use a call box if your worried how she will react.
You can also look at the Alcoholics Anoymous site to see if they can offer any help
And if your feeling low ring the samaritans again from a phone box so she doesn't know
Alcoholism is a diease and it's not easily cured and the person has to want to, you are dealing with alot at such a young age I hope one of the above organisatiosn can help you find a way through this

thisgirlsammy · Post by **thisgirlsammy** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 3:48 pm

so does that mean my mum doesnt want to stop?

because she isnt trying to stop

my mum must really hate me!

what did i do wrong :cry:

brfc · Post by **brfc** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:32 pm

unfortunatly you cant choose your parents. you havnt done anything wrong hun. some people just cant stop drinking or need help too stop drinking. i guess whatever has gone on in her life has affected her so much the drink drowns out the pain. try them places that bel bel suggested. brfc x

thisgirlsammy · Post by **thisgirlsammy** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 9:48 pm

well i went to go and see my grandma today (which i hated because she couldnt wait to get rid of me) and she told me that my mum has been drinking since she was 10 so i dont understand anymore. the connections websight was very helpful but she was going on about me getting intouch with the social services but that is a BIG NO NO!
but at this moment in time ( i dont know how long it will last because my mood changes every 5 mins liturally) im happy

sammy

ps thankyouu everyone for making me happy, even if it is for 5 minutes

brfc · Post by **brfc** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:37 am

hope it all works out for you sammy and remember your not alone. can always turn to us if you ever need us. thats what this place is for. take care hun brfc xx