i cant cope anymore! my mum wont stop drinking! i really want my childhood back because from a young age i have had to take care of myself (cooking, cleaning ect) and i dont want to do it anymore! my mum constintly makes
false promises, saying that she is going to stop drinking and get her live and debts back on track but instead she sends me to the door to get rid of the
debt collectors and spends every last bit of money on gin

she has also stopped me from seeing my dad because she has blamed her drinking problem on him saying that he used to
beat her up, so i dont have a clue what my dad is like and he has missed out on me and my sister growing up and i think that is unfair because it took two of them to create me and my sister, and my mum constantly goes on about that she didnt know she could have kid so we were a
'mistake' and it still hurts everytime she says that even though she has told me plenty of times.

i dont know who to believe anymore because my dad tells me one thing (via phone or e-mail) and my mum tells me another and i havent a clue who i am surposed to believe because i know my mum better then my dad and i know she is a really good lier (like most alcoholics) and i dont have a clue what my dad is like and whether he would lie or not!

. the thing is my friends think my life is
perfect because i put on a
front that i can not get rid of so even if im feeling like i want my life to end i will put on a front if im with my friends, so i have
no one i can talk to because i find it really hard, and im starting to get scared because i have had frequent thoughts of ending my life but i cant get rid of the thoughts no matter how much i try, im scared that one day it wont be a
thought it will be in
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