What do I do?

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saramidnite
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What do I do?

Post by saramidnite » Fri Jul 10, 2020 2:43 pm

Ok quick some up.

My mum left my dad 22+ years ago for late stepdad and had my baby sister. Both my mum dad and stepdad are abusive people.

4 years ago my stepdad died. Over last few years my middle sister and me have bonded. We were never close due to my parents fighting over custody of her. I was just an add on to get money for one parent from the other. They admitted this.
How ever my baby sister who I was close to sadly has grown distant, I know partly it due to her dad dying.

Also my mum hell bent on making her life hell. Bullying her mentally and complaining about her to every one down the phone or at family gatherings. My sister move out to live her boyfriend.

My mum is very much a drama queen. But furthermore if you have an illness she has to have it but much worst.
Due to every thing she has put us threw I know I dont love her due to the violence she put me threw. But I am happy I live with my partner and I'm happy.

However yesterday she told me she found my step brother. She claimed she wasnt looking for him. But she was. I told her, she should tell my sister. They may want to get in touch with each other.
My mum is refusing to tell her. She doesnt want me to tell any one.
I even suggested she message him and ask if he would like to message my sister. But she refuses to get involved.

Yes there is a chance he wont want to know my sister. But it should be my sisters choice if she wants to contact him. My mum said he has changed his surname and refuses to tell me what it is so I cant message him.
I have in the past tried to find him. But found yesterday my mum has even been lying about his 1st name to me.

If my sister finds out 1 my mum never told or I knew before her she will very angry.

reckoner
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Re: What do I do?

Post by reckoner » Wed Jul 15, 2020 1:18 pm

Although I can understand why you don't want to keep this information secret from your sister, this seems like game-playing by your mother.

From what you've told us about your mother both in this post and before, I suspect she is using this very small bit of information about finding your stepbrother to create some drama (she is, as you say, a drama queen), perhaps to taunt your sister, or get her attention, or exert power over you both or somehow drive a wedge between you, by trying to get you to keep this secret from her.

It's a good thing that you're not interested in playing these kind of games and I think the main thing here is to avoid you and your sister getting sucked in.

I'm not really sure what the best thing to do is because this is a sensitive issue. I had a few ideas. What do you think of telling your mother that you refuse to keep secrets from your sister so anything your mother tells you that you think she needs to know, you will tell her, as a way of putting your mother off from trying to get you to keep secrets?

Or, you could tell her that, unless she intends to be honest with you about everything she knows about your stepbrother, you're not interested in discussing it with her at all. Cut the topic dead with her.

As to whether you actually do tell your sister, the trouble is there's not much to tell her for the upset it's likely to cause. Maybe that's what your mother wants.

Personally, I'd be tempted to ignore the matter completely on the basis that you know absolutely nothing about what your mother says she knows. From what you say about your mother, I wonder if she could be exaggerating the whole thing to get people's attention. I think it might be best to leave your sister out of this until there's actual proof that your mother has made contact with your stepbrother and you know what the status is, and decide what to do at that point.

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Re: What do I do?

Post by X_Smiler_X » Thu Jul 16, 2020 9:28 am

Fully agree with reckoner here. It sounds to me as though this is another one of her games. There is no proof to suggest what she is saying is true, and so on that basis I would treat it as false information until you are shown proof its legitimate.

This will cause your sister alot of hurt and upset if you tell her. If it turns out to be a lie (it sounds to me as though it is) and you tell your sister, her hopes will be up to only be disappointed in the end.

If however this is true, then your mum is being incredibly selfish in not disclosing this information to you and your sister.

See what else is said going forward. Maybe if you show little interest in what shes saying, the truth will come out x
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