im sick of my sister

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im sick of my sister

Postby hawkhead95 » Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:33 pm

im 16 and i live with my family. my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer back in february so things have been quite a mess lately. for years me and my 21 year old sister have been arguing constantly and its very rare that we got on well together. its normally over stupid things like being on the computer. she constantly threatens to "slap me around the room" and im sick of her pulling my hair.my mom and dad have basically given up on trying to sort her out as she is really hard to get quiet because of how stubborn she is. everytime something of hers goes missing, straight away its me that took it. the other day she left £25 at the shop and told mom i took it just so she can get more money.i now have a lock on my door to stop her from going in when im out. she thinks that its fine to take our stuff but we arent allowed to even touch her door handle. she has basically no GCSE's and doesnt have a job, she picks on me for wanting to do well with my life instead of going out drinking and doing drugs. basically i dont have a childhood. i dont know when having a childhood ment you were stoned or drunk for it. both these things i dont like, my uncle died because of drugs( and ive seen whats happened to her) and i dont like the feeling of being drunk, if i do drink its on my birthday or new years eve.
she does drugs and drinks every weekend( more like gets so wrecked on the friday, she pass out till sunday). im sure the drugs cause her foul tempers and im sick of it. she always screams at mom and dad because they take my side instead of hers. she is the one that causes all the fuss over nothing and it ends up putting stress on my parents who both have heart problems. i cant even talk to her about the weather without her screaming " WHAT DO YOU F******* WANT?!". also the other day i had a cold and as i was walking to my room i have to walk past hers, i couldnt stop sniffing because of my runny nose and she came out, hit me and said " why do you always sniff when you go past my room?". im absolutly sick of her and she is the main reason as to why ive ran away a few times. my parents are fine but its just her that causes problems. lately ive been considering moving out so i can get rid of her because its annoying me so much to be in the same house as her but i have no idea how i can do that. i dont really want to leave because i've always had problems sleeping round friends because of how home sick i get, i love my parents but i seriously cant live in the same house as that schitzo. for the last few months we have both said we're disowning each other.
i need some help on trying to sort this out in a way that doesnt end up causing even more problems as my dad is going through chemo and he's finding it difficult with us arguing all the time
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Re: im sick of my sister

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 17, 2009 12:39 pm

i think you should suggest to your parents you get family conselling
you need to be getting rest and peace on chemo not a load of trouble from your sister
when you have chemo you should be offered conseeling anyway so at least you can get some of this off your chest, you may even be able to get a nurse to have a word with your parents about how stress is bad for you
You parents should really be taking control here
It ispossible your sister is very scared and doing all these things is her way of coping but it doesn't make it ok
I wish you the best of luck with your treatment and hope your side effects are minimal
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: im sick of my sister

Postby spacegirl » Fri Jul 17, 2009 12:48 pm

I agree with BelBel, maybe if you suggested some sort of counselling to your parents and asked them to speak to her about the strain she's putting on the family she would agree to work at her tempers. I'm sure if she realised the harm she was doing she would calm down a bit. 21 seems a bit old to be throwing temper tantrums and bullying her little sister, so there must be something else underlying which is making her act this way. Whether it's the drugs or the stress of your dad's situation, she needs help to identify this.
Apart from that try to stay away from her as much as you can (as if i need to tell you that) and look after yourself.
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Re: im sick of my sister

Postby snail » Fri Jul 17, 2009 2:57 pm

Bel Bel, it's Hawkhead's dad who's having the treatment.

As the others have said, your sister may be acting even worse than usual because of the stress you're all under. It is quite normal for brothers and sisters to fight anyway, though. Family counselling would obviously be good but I doubt she'd agree to go.

I think all you can do is minimise conflict as much as possible. I would try very hard to ignore anything she says that is simply aggressive and not actually practical (e.g. ignore "I'm going to slap you around the room" but don't ignore "Can you pass the salt?"). Remember that the things she says are about her, not you - they're coming out of the anger and hostility and fear inside her, and just landing on you because you're there, so you don't need to worry about responding. If you don't respond or lose your temper at all, it will be hard for her to start arguments. I think a lock on your door is a good thing, if it helps avoid arguments, and anything else practical like that that you can do would help (for example, could you use a friend's computer, or go to the library?).

I know it's not fair that you have to make the effort, but do it for your parents' sake. And it won't be forever - one day you or she will move out.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: im sick of my sister

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 17, 2009 3:17 pm

Oh yes Snail I misread that bit
My advice still stands
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Re: im sick of my sister

Postby hawkhead95 » Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:29 pm

this has been going on LONG before dad got cancer. i try to ignore what she says but i can only stand so much( i dont have much paitence and i will admit i get hot-headed sometimes but only over other things). we've tried counselling but she wouldnt have it. infact she got worse from it, its why she constantly says that mom and dad take my side because i was the one who suggested it. and i would like to believe snail, but its a case of when she is with friends or her boyfriend she's like an angel. as soon as they are gone, its like hell let loose and deemed her worthy enough to do evil bidding lol. some day's she can be alright with just a few grumbles and moaning about something but they are the times that she is stoned. when she isnt, thats when problems start. she's actualy tried getting rid of my friends because she thinks they need to go out and get drunk and stoned while i dont do that. that or try and get them to kill a sheep( she loves rave while i love rock so we always tend to argue about our music) just because of my music tastes. i dont see how listening to rock will make me worship the devil and slit sheep's throats. i dont even normally listen to rock because for the past year ive been listening to acoustic guitar songs. ill try and see about ignoring her when she's in a mood though. im just annoyed at how much stress she's putting us through because she cant get a high.
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Re: im sick of my sister

Postby snail » Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:47 pm

Unfortunately, all you can do is ignore as much of it as you can. I know that's hard to do at any age, let alone 16! I understand she's nice to her friends and boyfriend but horrible to you, but the horribleness still isn't really about you, it's about her. You're getting grief because you're her sister - she would be like that no matter what you were like. She criticises you for being different to her, but if you were similar she would probably just criticise you for copying her. So when she says things, it might make them easier to ignore if you remember that the words don't really mean anything, she's just saying whatever she thinks will wind you up. It sounds like she has a lot of problems and frustrations in her own life, and abusing you probably makes her feel better for a while. Try to let it affect you as little as possible - that will be easiest on you, and also on your parents.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: im sick of my sister

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:08 am

you could consider taping her when she is like this and showing her what she is like. Sometimes confronted with our own behaviour we realise just how bad it is and it may really embarress her to see just how bad she is
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Re: im sick of my sister

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:34 am

Or play the taped video when her friends or bf are around.
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