Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

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Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby CantThinkOfAName » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:09 pm

My sister is 18, I'm 22 and we've never really been that close. Lately though she's been coming back to my apartment on the weekends and sleeping over after she has college. It's not that I don't mind, it's great having someone around that I can talk to... but I'm not sure about a few things.
First off, she walks about in a pair of my boxers and one of my work shirts all the time, and even though I've bought her some for herself she keeps on wearing mine.
Secondly, we've started sharing the same bed as my apartment only has one. For the first few times we swapped between bed and sofa but she suggested that because i have a double sized bed that we could both share it comfortably. I don't know the word for it but I'm not "scared" of physical contact with her, it's just that she wears, again, a pair of my boxers and a shirt of mine to bed, and she has a habit of moving in close to me as she sleeps its a little uncomfortable (not physically, so you know what I mean) to say the least. She's quite an attractive girl, but obviously I feel nothing like that towards her as my sister.

I could go on with a few of the other things she does but this was just to give you an idea of what she's like. So... should I talk to her about it?
And yes I made this account purely to ask this question.
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby rufio89 » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:16 pm

That is very strange, I think you should talk to her about it, and tell her it makes you uncomfortable.

It might be that she's having problems with your parents and needs some family support, and she just likes having her big brother there to snuggle up to, however that's understandable if she was a kid, but v. strange for an 18 year old.

I dont really know what else to suggest.
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby m_m » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:18 pm

Hey CantThinkOfAName and welcome :D

I agree with rufio, it's very unusual and I would have a word with her about it. Just to confirm are you blood related or perhaps adopted / fostered if you don't mind me asking?

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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby CantThinkOfAName » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:25 pm

No we're fully blood related as far as I'm aware. And she doesn't have anything against our parents at all. I just live quite close to where she goes to college so she comes over here on weekends and gets the train to college on mondays. She'll be coming over again on Friday too. I've had her visiting for the last month or two. I'm not complaining but she was the one that suggested and nearly invited herself over to start off with, and it's just escalated from there.

It's really odd to ask, but do you think she has feelings for me? She's tried to cook me dinner a few times, but she's a bit of a clutz. It really is great having her around most of the time though, we play games and go out shopping sometimes too. I just don't want to jeopardize our relationship by bringing something like that up, especially if I've gotten it wrong.
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby m_m » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:29 pm

I see what you mean... it is a very difficult topic to bring up! She does seem to be spending a lot of time with you, does she have many friends? It is possible she is just lonely and would like some human contact. Ask her this weekend if she is going out with her friends at all and maybe jokingly ask her if there is anyone she fancies in her circle of friends or a guy that she has seen around? Hopefully there will be a boy she fancies or even a secret boyfriend? Keep it lighthearted and maybe don't say anything until your a bit more positive but obviously don't let it go too far!

I hope that helps :) x
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby rufio89 » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:31 pm

do you think she has feelings for me


Well it sounds like she DOES, but that's probably because that's your fear, and so you're telling it that way.

She probably doesnt. It's very uncommon, and she's probably just decided that she wants to be closer to her big brother, and because you're her brother, she doesnt think anything of wearing your boxers and sharing a bed with you because she KNOWS theres nothing in it.

But it's impossible for us to know, because we dont know her and we dont know what's going on in her head. Maybe you could dissuade her from sharing the bed? Tell her she's a cover-hog or she snores or something?

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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby CantThinkOfAName » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:36 pm

Ah see I've already done that pre-emptively. She has probably two or three friends that are close to her, but they don't go to the same school as her, and I'm sure she has made new ones in college. Oh by the way, I forgot to mention that she wasn't coming to my apartment from our parents house, she lives in student accomodation with a bunch of other people. She's said that she isn't really interested in any of the guys in her course or flats because they're all "too drinky and party-y" as she eloquently put it. She's always had an aversion to alcohol and I guess that might make socialising a bit hard for her.

Edit: Thanks for putting my mind at rest somewhat.
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby SpiderPiglet » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:40 pm

I'd say it's innocent enough, she's just a bit clueless about boundaries.
I'd put some distance if I were you. I'm sure nothing would ever happen but it's still inapropriate(sp?) to be sharing a bed with your sister at your age.
Tell her you'll be taking the sofa cause you don't like sharing with someone, harsh but true -- you can't be sleeping that well if you're not confortable with he there.
Have your friends over more, and go out more.... she needs to have her own life, not latch onto yours.
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby CantThinkOfAName » Thu Mar 26, 2009 12:46 pm

Hmm, the thing is I never used to be that great of a brother too her to tell the truth. I guess in a way I feel like I'm making it up to her by letting her stay over. I used to tease her relentlessly about stuff like how short she was, even now she's only about 150cm tall I'd say.
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Mar 26, 2009 1:20 pm

I didn't find anything odd about her behaviour. I used to share a bed with my sister and we used to cuddle up out of comfort and warmth. Some people like space others are touchy feely types.
Offering to cook sounds like her way of saying thanks for letting her stay.
Sister often share clothes and stuff. My daughter often asks to borrow my stuff.
I think the issue is she has started to saty and likes it but you haven't set any ground rules. If you don't tell her things are bothering you she won't know.
Tell her you don't like other people wearing your clothes and you'd prefer if she stuck to her own
If you don't want her there as much tell her you need your own space and ask her to do alternate weekends
As for sleeping if your finding it uncomfortable tell her you'd rather she slept on the sofa as you prefer to sleep alone, it's what you have got used to
You don't have to be nasty about it but if you don't say somehting it might all end up coming out the wrong way in an arguement
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Postby morris mouse » Thu Mar 26, 2009 5:44 pm

SpiderPiglet wrote:I'd say it's innocent enough, she's just a bit clueless about boundaries.
I'd put some distance if I were you. I'm sure nothing would ever happen but it's still inapropriate(sp?) to be sharing a bed with your sister at your age.
Have your friends over more, and go out more.... she needs to have her own life, not latch onto yours.


I agree with " SpiderPiglet" boundries must be set (especially the ages you both are) It's also better to have friends
round,as this would "ease the tension" of the situation.
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby GirlInTheGreenScarf » Sat Apr 04, 2009 12:19 am

Hm maybe asking her would be the best option, maybe not in such a direct manner, but so you get your oncerns across.
You never know it could be something really innocent like she's not getting on with her mum and dad at the moment or she feels as though she needs more independance, like the independance that you have.
Or maybe she just wants to have mroe of a bond with you, were you close growing up? Me and my sister aren't terribly close but i wish we were , all my friends who have sisters are like best friends with theres, but me and my sister aren't really like that - and maybe she feels like she wants to be more of your friend?

Hope this helps!
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Re: Bit of... not trouble... just advice I need with my sister.

Postby mattmxl » Thu Apr 09, 2009 2:46 pm

I'd find it a bit hard to beleive that she does have those sort of feelings for you when you are full blood related siblings. I mean, my cousin is very attractive, but I couldn't look at her or be interested in her in that sort of way, it just wouldn't seem right to me. There's also the fact that if she had those sort of feelings for you and she had you in bed with her, she would probably have tried to explore them to their furthest level, leaving you in no doubt if she felt that way or not. I would just suggest (as many others have) you recommend she doesn't sleep in the same bed as yourself and see how she takes that. If she's cool with it then you are more than likely worrying over nothing and she just wants to have a close brother sister relationship with you.
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