ADULT SOCIAL GROUP arghghghg

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ADULT SOCIAL GROUP arghghghg

Postby littleforks » Mon Feb 26, 2018 9:30 am

I got very friendly with a mum at school about 5 years ago lets call her friend A. A great fit as husband and kids also hit it off. She introduced us to their good friends another couple friend B and we all hungout at the local tennis club amongst other things - very convenient good fun etc. We took the place of a 3rd couple who had moved away. Friend B also had a sister and they hung out too and various periphery people from school would also hangout on occasion as part of a larger group. Then friend A got very friendly with a new couple friend D and started to turn on me. Silent treatment, not as gushy on group texts, excluding us, snide texts that kind of thing. Friend D is also dreadful to her husband in terms of putting him down and she also joined in, me being butt of jokes Eye rolling that kind of thing. Anyway one night friend A had a right go at me about kids, the fact that Friend B was her friend and she had known her longer I don't have any friends they always invite me out etc etc. Since then I have declined to go out I have had enough.

What I don't understand though is now it's apparent that there isn't a reconciliation with Friend A and I, none of the others contact us anymore in fact one of the periphery friends who i hang out with on occasion outside the group said she was busy and I later found they had all gone to the club. So basically people I have hung out with for 5 years have dumped us effectively condoning Friend A's behaviour. So they have stopped texting me, we are no longer invited to anything but I haven't fallen out with these girls or done anything to them or have any problems with then just with friend A and D (I said new but she been hanging out last 2 years.)

Have any of you done something like that to another family in a group horrible for us and my DS.
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Re: ADULT SOCIAL GROUP arghghghg

Postby reckoner » Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:37 pm

I think the reason you've been frozen out by everyone, even though you've only had an actual issue with two of them, is because that is actually enough to make things awkward between you and the whole group, especially if friends A and D are very active / central members. If A and D have been making jokes and eye-rolling in front of you, I think there's a good chance they are being even more unpleasant when you're not there, and dissuading others from socialising with you. You mention that friend A had a go at you about kids, among other things. That sounds like an emotive issue, perhaps other members of the group agree with A's position. If A and D feel as strongly as you describe, everyone else would have to make a special effort to socialise with you, when they could continue socialising with the group without making any effort at all.

In an ideal world, people would make up their own minds and wouldn't let a disagreement between others affect their own opinion of an individual. In reality, though, people look forward to their leisure time and don't like to rock boats, especially if this social group also involves kids' social circles and fills an easy, enjoyable childcare function. Even if they have no issue with you, it's easier to just follow the group.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do about this. Make an effort to socialise with the others, take the initiative, but if they don't respond, you can't force it. From what you say about D and how she treats her husband, maybe you're better off.
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Re: ADULT SOCIAL GROUP arghghghg

Postby littleforks » Mon Feb 26, 2018 4:25 pm

Thanks for replying and thats what i am hoping they are just being sheep and taking the easier route rahter than not liking me. Feels really jelly though. Meant to say haven't fallen out with friend D again we speak if we see each other she has never said anything to my face. I just didn't like her that much, she is over bearing and domineering and seemed to be in a competition with me over friend A but i am not interested in competing to be someones best friend. The kids thing was a silly thing there were 3 boys my son wanted to play tennis her son and friend did not. A 4th boy came down and she said my son dropped her son to go play tennis even though he had his friend and didnt want to play. Friend A just took a dislike to me for whatever reason once D came on the scene and has been manouvering for us to be 'out' ever since.
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