I've started drifting away from my closest friend, it started a while back, initially her and another of our close friends started taking the lemonade out of me a bit too much, i confronted them both individually about it, she improved, he didnt, I fell out with him. Keeping it short and sweet. For the last few months I've gotten grumpy at her, I think noticeably so, for treating me differently - I know that the reason she does is actually because she feels she can, but it makes me feel terrible to have my own self-esteem issues and her knocking me down every time we're with other friends (when we're alone together we have meaningful talks, she's nowhere near as derogatory as she is while other people are around), but she'll have a go at me for things other friends do freely, it's all little things but it gets to me.
Anyway, tonight, we had our first proper "alone" chat after a close member of her family died, she was in tears, and confessed that she feels aspergic with how little she understands people (she's always had social anxiety, i've wondered whether I get frustrated because we've known and been close to each other for so long that her social anxiety has extended to incorporate me) and she said that even after 7 or 8 years of friendship with me, she doesnt feel like she fully understands me.
This made me realize that she's picked up on my grumpiness with her (it was never *constant* I just saw it as standing up for myself when she made comments I didn't like) and made me feel bad, because I wondered whether I'd been immature for taking them so personally.
I don't think it'll ever change, even if I do make a fuss about it, and the fact is I'd like to keep her as a friend despite the comments that upset me, I enjoy our private talks, so in your opinions, with what barebones information I've supplied you with, should I just "deal" with the comments and accept them as a way she's showing her closeness to me, should I confront her and cause a drama (cos I have a feeling it will), or should I just continue as i have been doing - defending myself when i feel the need but not confronting the issue directly because it's not worth the drama?
All opinions welcome.