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Am I being ridiculous here?

PostPosted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 12:37 am
by chocolatelemon
There's a girl that is part of a group chat I'm in on Facebook, and we're fairly close friends, known each other for about two years, talk fairly often in person and online. Tonight, we were just casually talking in the group chat and I said something that reminded her of another of her guy friends (we'll call him Jeff, not his real name). She starts talking about him and sends a picture her and Jeff together. After this, she begins talking about something that Jeff did in a local supermarket that she found funny and resulted in him being kicked out, and after I send some more neutral messages (hahah, yeah, ahh right, etc) she says that he's a really nice guy and wouldn't hurt a fly. Then, she mentions a time that he apparently convinced one of her friends to not commit suicide, and I respond saying that I really respect him for that, but (this was after at least 20 minutes of him being the conversation topic) that I was confused why she was telling me all this. She responds saying that she got the impression I didn't like him, and I say that telling me about the supermarket story didn't give me the greatest first impression. She asks why, and I say it was kinda immature and maybe a nuisance to people who were there. She doesn't really respond, so I go on to say that I don't dislike him and I don't know him, so it doesn't matter.

A few moments later, I decided I'd tell her what I was actually thinking, because she has done this thing before and it made me feel the same way. Some backstory: I have some social issues, and they include that I can't get the courage to ask friends to do things or sometimes to start conversations and such because I fear I'm being annoying or needy. No one asks me, so I'm almost always alone in my room at my computer. I tell her that it kinda makes me feel sh***y when people send pictures and things of them doing things with friends, but that's my own problem. She apologizes and I tell her not to, and in a roundabout way I say that it's late and we're both tired, goodnight, then we both leave.

I feel really, really bad now, and I can't shake the thought I've upset her, which honestly I really don't want to have. Bearing in mind she's done similar before this but this was the first time I said anything, do I have a problem? Does she? Is she trying to make me jealous? Am I reading too far into this? Am I being selfish? Is this regular for girls to do? I'm not interested in anything further than being friends, but I'm not sure if she knows that or not, or if she does and secretly dislikes me for it. I definitely do want to stay friends though, but how long can you be friends with someone who makes you feel insignificant on a routinely basis? I have no clue how to interpret this, and I do fear I sound like an ass in this.

Just looking for some advice on what is happening. Thanks.

Re: Am I being ridiculous here?

PostPosted: Sun Oct 26, 2014 9:46 pm
by ToriL87
It sounds to me like this girl probably likes you and was hoping to make you feel jealous, maybe so she could try and gauge if you liked her too.

Re: Am I being ridiculous here?

PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 12:12 pm
by Bel Bel
I disagree I think it sounds like she likes Jeff and just wanted someone to talk to about him.
It's hard to know how she has taken what you said but you were honest and true to your feelings.
I would just be normal with her. Post a funny pic/article/cartoon or something as if nothing has happened.

Can you try to improve your social life? Join a club, take up a hobby that involves interacting more.

When it comes to asking people to do things stick with things you know they like, try not to be disappointed when someone says no (people have other commitments be it money or their time). If you ask 10 times and get one yes that's one more yes than you are getting by not asking. You find confident people tend to let the no's roll off them and focus on the yes's.