How to ditch a bad friend

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How to ditch a bad friend

Postby JustALittleGirl » Sun Jul 21, 2013 11:27 am

Hi all, long term lurker -first time poster!

Hope this doesn't make me sound bad but I have 'friend' that I'm really struggling to ditch... bear with me as it may be a long post!

I met this woman on a course about 2 years ago, we are both self employed in the same line of business & turns out she lived just up the road from my parents (where I was living at the time) She is 60 & i'm 26, she had lots of sob stories & was struggling with her business so i offered to help her. Anyway the more time I spent with her the more apparent it came as to why she has so many sob stories & now I can't get rid of her!
Firstly I did a website for her & agreed she would pay me £10 for each page of the website I made, that was 2 years ago & I've never seen the money for it but she still expects me to update it etc. Now the domain name is coming up for renewal & she wants me to pay for it & she will pay me back, I've done this for her in the past with other things as she doesn't have a paypal account & I felt sorry for her & I have eventually got my money but I'm not willing to do it again. I've just resonantly brought a house so money is tight & I don't want to be £30 short for however long it takes for her to get her butt into gear & pay me back.

I've tried ignoring her emails & phone calls but she doesn't get the hint! She doesn't know where I live now so she can't just turn up & put me on the spot like she did when I lived with my parents but if I don't answer her calls she rings from a withed number so I don't know it's her! (This is on my business number so I can;t just ignore it encase it's a customer)

Help!
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Re: How to ditch a bad friend

Postby ILoveChristmas » Mon Jul 22, 2013 10:00 am

I don't think you have any choice but to be honest and upfront with her.

With regard to the website I think you need to take the bull by the horns, pop a brave pill and phone her. Tell her you've had a chance to think about the website situation and you're sorry but you're unable to pay for it yourself.If it were me I'd change the entire hosting account into her name and let her log in to it herself and make the changes. Depending on her attitude you could always offer to talk her through it. If the hosting account is currently shared with one or more of your own websites then I'd contact your host and ask them to separate the accounts. That's a far better solution than just asking for her payment details because it means you permanently shift the onus onto her. If her card expires in 6 months time she'll get the emails to tell her and you won't have to go through the whole thing again. Once that's done, ask the host to remove your payment details from the account.

It appears to me that there is no personal relationship between you and this woman that needs to be maintained anymore. In light of that I wouldn't hesitate to have a frank conversation with her. Conversations like that aren't easy and it may help you to have a few points noted down in front of you before you make the call. During tense calls or conversations it can be quite easy to forget all the things you wanted to say, so a few notes are a good idea. In your case I'd note the reasons why you think it's a good idea she takes control of the account, the date by which she has to do it, the consequences of not doing it and, in case the conversation starts to get a bit confrontational, the reasons why you're having to take these steps in the first place, i.e. she didn't pay you for making the site as agreed and she doesn't pay you to update it.

Once you've transferred the site into her name I'd follow up with a registered letter to her business address detailing the changes you've made, the email address now associated with the account and any log in details she needs.
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Re: How to ditch a bad friend

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jul 22, 2013 3:21 pm

ILC is spot on, espcially about having some notes with you.

Point out all the money she has owed and never paid so why would you lend her anymore. Tell her she isn't your responsibility and you won't be bullied or emotionally blackmailed into helping her anymore becuase she has proven herself unreliable. She will probably spin you a line of yes but it's different this tiem because ... but don't get sucked in.

Also exagerate your own momney problems and tell her youhave bills you can't meet. In fact have a list of things to sob to her about - I'm preety sure she will want to get away from you if you turn the tables.

In fact everytime she calls I would say "when are you going to have my money, i really need it, things are so tight round here I can barely afford food....." She will soon get bored of hearing you go on and won't ring anymore
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Re: How to ditch a bad friend

Postby JustALittleGirl » Fri Jul 26, 2013 7:35 pm

Thank you guys, the website is linked to her email account/address etc but she just forwards the emails to me & says 'can you sort this for me, I don't know the pasword'.

I've told her I can no longer do the website as I don't have the time etc & I've given her all the login details (again) I will put it onto a memory stick & post it to her so she can deal with it herself or get someone else to do it for her. She wants me to go and show her how to do it herself but she will never get it as she can't even manage facebook (even though I've showed her about 3 times) so I've said no, I'm too busy.

ILC I think you're spot on about there not being a personal relationship anymore, thinking about it I don't think there ever was, she just called on me when she needed me to do something for her.

Hopefully it's all sorted now, thanks for your help guys :)
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