Need Advice on best friend!!!!

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Just Landed
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Need Advice on best friend!!!!

Post by wads » Wed Sep 19, 2012 5:41 pm

Hey all,

I'm rather new to this forum and apologise in advance for this long winded post! :) But any help and advice would be greatly appreciated!!

A little bit of background first - I'm a 38 year old gay male and have had a crush on my straight best friend on and off for almost 7 years! Nothing new there I'm sure I hear a lot of you think! By the way hes presently 28. Now knowing hes straight has always put him 'off limits' to me as I am not going to put my life on hold over this! But I've always had my doubts about his sexuality as every girl I suggest he 'chat up' he ALWAYS has an excuse not to! Too tall, too small, too thin and chubby etc! Now I know he has had a few girlfriends in the past but nothing really serious! And the odd occassion that he does try to chat a woman up - he NEVER seals the deal lol...its always left to me to help out!

Recently though a number of things have happened! First off, at a friends wedding in the Ukraine last year, I met a great guy and we hit it off straight away. On the last day in Ukraine, all my friends wanted to meet this guy. They did and all were complementing us on how we looked so well together, except for my best friend! He wouldn't even talk to the guy, but turned to another friend beside him and started having a conversation about something local back home! I thought it was most rude! Anyway, decided to go back to Ukraine a few months later and revisit this guy :) and rekindle some feelings hehehehe....My best mate and two other friends were coming along also...or supposed to!! My best friend kept 'forgetting' to book his flight and would promise to sort it out that evening....and this went on for 3 or 4 weeks...when eventually he decided to tell me that the day we were due back in from Ukraine, he was going camping with someone else. I asked him to change his local camping trip by one day but alas no. He couldn't or wouldn't! Im still not sure! He also told my other friends that he was afraid I would desert them when I arrived at the airport and only see them when due to fly home! I tried to reassure him that this was not the case and it wasn't! My Ukranian guy could hang around with us for the weekend if he really wanted to see me! LOL....but no reasoning was possible.

Recently in the local bar where we all drink, I was on my phone txting someone, when one of my friends pounced on me about it! Of course my best mate pounced on me as well for txting when in company. Now I'm NOT one of those people that often would be guilty of this but my best mate is! But its ok for him and not for me! He won't mention anything though until someone else does so first! lol....

Also recently I had confided in him that I was sick of one night stands....and maybe it was time to settle down. Then later on a trip to the nite club from a bar....I receive a txt from someone....My Best mate asks who it is and I respond no one important! To this he replies...'I thought you had given up one night stands'?

Then hehe, a few weeks later as in last week, A gay guy who we would only see once a year for about a month or so walked into our local bar. We all know him for years, Hes French and 48 and gay lol....Over the top, very funny and very touchy feely!
Of course he sat down beside me and was very chatty to the group as a whole etc and made everyone laugh etc. At one stage though, I caught my best mate throwing me a look.....right eyebrow raised lol...and when I didn't and still don't understand what he was doing, I asked at the table and he pretended he never did anything! A little later in the night we bumped into each other in the bathroom upstairs and he told me that he saw me 'wearing my Ukranian face'! Of course I hadn't a clue what he was on about and when I pushed he told me I was sober and he was drunk and he would tell me later! There was NO WAY I was settling for that answer though hehe...and when pushed again he told me that it was the same face he saw on my when I introduced everyone to the Ukrainian guy, in other words my face seemingly lit up like a Christmas tree! And that me and the French guy had a 'connection' and he wouldn't tell anyone! I said, I liked him, the French guy, hes funny, witty and a great personality but thats as far as it went for me. To me there was NO attraction there. The following night I decided to have a few drinks and broach the subject again, lol, and he asked me how I couldn't be attracted to the guy because even he was attracted to his personality! He then told me that he wasn't jealous....when I pushed him...about my friendship with the French guy and he knows we have skyped a lot over the Summer.

But now I know and have just found out that my best mate is on an adult site and has been for the last 3 years and lists himself as bicurious. He has a lot of 'friends' on this site which are all male. He doesn't know that I know though and still refers to me being his wingman an odd time and helping him seal the deal with girls.

What does anyone think of his actions and any suggestions as to what I should or should not do? By the way my best mate is like a closed book. Everythings a big secret or can be, even what he ate for his dinner! We hang out regularly together in the afternoons every afternoon for coffee for about an hour, do lunch the odd day, spend some evenings in my place and then with other friends every night in the local its like cheers hehehe...theres always someone you know there....even if you go out alone! lol.....

Any and all suggestions would and will be greatly appreciated!

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Bel Bel
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Re: Need Advice on best friend!!!!

Post by Bel Bel » Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:32 pm

Several approaches spring to mind but it depends if you want to risk the friendship.

Ask him straight out, confess your feelings into the bargin and tell him you know about the site.

Reply on the site so it's not face to face, telling him you always suspected and did he realise you had a thing for him for years but didn't think it would go anywhere.

Do nothing and let it play out - but for how much longer could this go on.

It sounds like he is really likes you but is scared to admit he might be gay/bi, odd as you are gay yourself.

He could be scared that you're more experienced than him and therefore even though he likes you wouldn't get involved with you.

He may just be one of those people who feels he can't be freely gay because parents maybe are against it. By teeling you he may feel he is risking being "outed" at some stage. It's easy to say I would never do that but if you got into a relationship could you cope being his dirty secret?
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