Why is she behaving this way?

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Why is she behaving this way?

Postby DiamondZero » Sun Jul 15, 2012 4:18 pm

I have been friends with this person for 10 years and we have never had an argument in all this time. However she has cut off all contact with me when I went out for a drink with an old school friend that we both shared. She had a huge crush on this lad back in the day but at the moment she is in a long term committed relationship with someone else. I couldnt and still cant see why she is that bothered unless she is deeply unhappy within her own relationship and feels threatened that I may start to go out with someone that she had her heart set on all those years ago. I feel like I'm going crazy and am ready to do something rash in order to get her attention but always - thankfully- stop short. I've never seen her react like this towards me and it really breaks my heart that she could be so cruel and really quite selfish. I've tried texting her and calling round but I dont get a response. Any idea whats going on in her brain and if I should really be bothering with someone like this?
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Re: Why is she behaving this way?

Postby highlandcow » Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:45 pm

DiamondZero wrote: I couldnt and still cant see why she is that bothered unless she is deeply unhappy within her own relationship and feels threatened that I may start to go out with someone that she had her heart set on all those years ago.


I personally think that it's just that.

If it is that, then she needs to sort herself out. Try to remember that you haven't done anything wrong, the issue is with her. Sooner or later she'll realise that, but you mustn't do anything "drastic" to get her attention. It's a shame that she's acting like this, especially after such a long friendship, but I'd be tempted to leave her to it, until she realises that it's her issue not yours.
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Re: Why is she behaving this way?

Postby seahorsesally » Mon Jul 16, 2012 6:42 pm

It's awful when you lose a friend this way. i lost my best friend of 15 years through no fault of my own. Not exactly like your situationbut similair enough. One of the hardrst parts for me was realising that somehow you didn't know your friend as well as you thought. And its scary. I would have trusted this person with anything and considered her a sister. It made me question our entire friendship.
BUT you need to keep the head and don't go out of your way to 'explain yourself'
or apologize for nothing. If you mean anything to your friend she will come round in time and mke it up to you. I don't know if you still see the mutual friend in a romantic way but if you do your buddy should be happy for you that you, especially with her being in a committed relationship its not like u are bragging to her when she's been single since high school.

I think your friend may have some issues within her relationship and the green eyed monster has came out. My advice for now is to stop pursuing the friendship for a while and let her sulk or work through whatever issues are making her harbour ill feelings for you. Give her space and time to cool off (grow up :p) given a wee bit
it of time I think she will either make the effort with you or when you try get in touch again woll act normal.
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Re: Why is she behaving this way?

Postby DiamondZero » Sat Aug 04, 2012 12:52 pm

Well here is the update. I decided to be brave and went round her house. The result was that she acted like nothing had happened. This upset me so much that she pretended as though she hadn't been so cruel to me. I played along with her but I realised that earlier posters were absolutely correct that this person has become a stranger to me. I feel guilty over it because I'm starting to see her as someone almost inhuman - a psycho ex best friend.

I had hoped that popping round to her house and trying to build bridges would put us back on an unstable footing (at least it IS some sort of footing) but it was my birthday the other day and not even a text or a call to wish me a happy birthday. Perhaps I'll just leave her to it and let her grow up.
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Re: Why is she behaving this way?

Postby seahorsesally » Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:03 pm

well done in trying to resolve the friendship you used to have. how have things been lately? i hope you had a nice birthday anyway- you don't need people around you that dont care for you.
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Re: Why is she behaving this way?

Postby DiamondZero » Thu Sep 05, 2013 8:49 pm

An Update After a Year

A whole year has passed now since contact, sadly she has never apologised but in a big way I'm pleased with the way the situation ended. On closer inspection I've realised that although she did not treat me badly through our years of friendship she treated other people very poorly particularly her partner.

The only worry I have now a days is bumping into her as I know she will have had to lie about me in order to stop her partner from asking questions. However this is a small price to pay for cutting a person out of my life who only wanted me around for purely selfish reasons. I hope, like the earlier poster said, that she matures and grows.
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Re: Why is she behaving this way?

Postby snail » Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:14 pm

Thank you for that, Diamond, it's very interesting to know how it turned out. As you say, it sounds like it was for the best for you in the end.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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