Why is it so hard?

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Why is it so hard?

Postby highlandcow » Sun Apr 22, 2012 5:12 pm

Why is it so hard sometimes to see friends and be sociable?

I have spent this weekend alone. I contacted my friends (like everyone I guess, I have a few separate groups of friends) but all of them were either busy or just didn't bother to text me back.

I have got in touch with a few old friends on Facebook, but everyone just seems to talk about how great it would be to go out and do something but no one can commit to a date.

I know that people have their own lives and that I shouldn't expect too much from people as it can't always be like the TV where a big kooky gang of buddies can always be relied upon to be sitting in the coffee shop waiting for you, but surely an actual day or night out rather than just talking about it isn't too much to ask?

I know it's not going to have a simple answer, but I'm feeling really fracked off. I'm supposed to meet a friend tonight...but I'm just waiting for him to cancel. I'm not a pessimist but I bet that's what's going to happen. :-({|= I've sent messages to people asking how they are and what they're up to, in the hopes that something will come of it.

Am I coming on too strong? Or am I expecting too much. I've always thought of myself as a friendly, approachable person, but now I just feel like I've been swept under the rug and forgotten about. :cry: :cry:
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

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Re: Why is it so hard?

Postby rufio89 » Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:17 am

I feel like that too a lot of the time HC. I think it's quite normal really - I think I spend too much time watching How I Met Your Mother and thinking that's what I want. I find my friends are often really unreliable and seem 'too busy' for me, but then I expect I'm the same with them sometimes.

I find it hard to get my friends to commit to anythign in the daytime - if I want to go out drinking I can usually find someone to do that with, but making daytime plans is much harder for me (I suppose because a lot of my friends are 'party' people and spend most of their weekend hungover!)

I think all you can do is try to plan things in advance and broaden your social circle. I find it really hard to make friends but I have finally got a couple of new friends which has made things a bit easier.

but you're definitely not alone!
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Re: Why is it so hard?

Postby highlandcow » Mon Apr 23, 2012 5:38 pm

Thanks Rufio, those words cheered me up. :D It's so good to hear I'm not the only one.

rufio89 wrote:I think I spend too much time watching How I Met Your Mother and thinking that's what I want.


Me too! I think shows that like (despite being legen *wait for it* dary!) set an unrealistic expectation. Although I guess it'd be a rubbish show if they always had other plans and couldn't see each other. #-o

I did see my friend last night. We had a few cups of coffee and I explained I was feeling a bit pushed out of things and he confessed he was actually feeling the same, so we've agreed to not let each other be pushed out.

I think widening my social circle is a good idea. I swapped numbers with an old school friend yesterday, but it's made me really nervous! I haven't seen her in 10 years, I'm not sure how to make the "first move" without sounding really pushy.

God, it's worse than dating! ](*,) ](*,)
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

- Billy Connolly
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Re: Why is it so hard?

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:23 pm

I would send a text and just say smoething like

So lovely to see you yesterday. Would be really good to meet up. Drinks,cinema, lunch whatever suits you best, other suggestion welcome. Perhaps you can let me know a few dates your free and i'll confirm which I can do.

or

Great to see you yesterday. Would be really good to meet up. What days of the week are good for you? Anything particular you fancy doing.? We could go cinema, drinks, lunch or any ideas you have, I am pretty easygoing.

Just keep it casual and open. You will soon know if she is going to give you the brush off because with those texts you couldn't make it any easier. If the excuses start coming just text

Obviously not a good week/month so text me when it's a good time for you.

It means if she changes her mind she gets the option to still contact you without feeling bad.
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Re: Why is it so hard?

Postby buddhababe83 » Fri Jul 10, 2015 12:51 pm

This is my first post. I know this is an old post but your situation really resonates with me. I'm probably older than you (in my fifties) but I am finding the same thing happening. I think the trouble is that with all the new technology available to us, people tend to send quick messages, texts,social media and think that that is enough to sustain a friendship. I get really fed up with it. I. too, have made the effort to keep in touch with people and trying to arrange 'meet-ups' only to be ignored again and again. I am a friendly (have been told that) outgoing person but still struggle. I don't know what the answer if except keep on trying, but it gets so demoralising at times.
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Re: Why is it so hard?

Postby David020549 » Sun Jul 12, 2015 10:11 pm

This happens a lot, you need to join a club or take up a hobby that you can just turn up and join in, gym, swimming, art club, photography, theatre, choir and lots of others too. All of those have activities every weekend and many during the week as well, this is the problem, all your friends have so many activities that just being friends gets lost.
I know quite a few women around your age who run, cycle, ride horses, keen rugby supporters, swim several times a week, fly gliders, play golf , even local politics and charity work, some bother with men some don't, whatever your taste there is an activity for you. If you have a particular skill, accounts, catering, teaching for example there are plenty of organizations that need those skills, but don't take on too much or you won't have time for your friends!!.

Ps, make sure you facebook page reflects your new busy schedule
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